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The 7 Habits of Highly Annoying New Dads

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I’m the first one to roundly praise my husband for his Herculean baby daddy efforts. (He lets me sleep in! He loves that little baby to bits!)

However, he’s not perfect (unlike me, of course). And I suspect some of his highly annoying habits are universal among new dads.

Take a look and see if your husband or partner’s highly annoying habits are like my husband’s when it comes to caring for the baby:

 1. “I’ll watch the baby.”

You’ll watch the baby? It’s your baby. You’re not a babysitter. You’re the dad. When it’s your kid, you’re not “watching the baby.” You’re “being a parent.” That’s how it works.

2. “I left the breast milk on the counter.”

Breast milk is liquid gold. With an expiration date. It cannot sit out for hours and be used. It’s not like the charming collection of half-used glasses of water and other beverages that you leave scattered on surfaces across the house. When you leave breast milk sitting out for too longer, the baby can’t use it and it’s that much more that I have to pump. But, um, thanks anyway?

3. “I’ll come home at 1PM to watch the baby so you can make your 1PM meeting”

Where to begin. First of all, see No. 1 (remember? you’re the dad, you don’t “watch” the baby like a non-parent does). Second, I need a few minutes to actually get where I’m going and be on time. Last, but certainly not least, can you add in a little cushion time when you get home before I have to leave so I can update you on what the baby is doing and what the baby might need to do while I’m away? The baby night need to be fed, have a diaper change and/or take a nap, for instance. But if we’re two ships passing in the night, you might never get the memo. (In which case I’ll come home to a hungry, dirty and tired baby. But, um, thanks anyway?)

4. “Here — the baby must be hungry.”

Yes, I get that I’m the dairy cow or the milkmaid or whatever you want to call me. I’m the one who nurses the baby. However, that doesn’t mean you get to pass me the baby every time you think there’s a chance it’s near feeding time. Me being the provider of baby food does not mean I’m also our family’s sole baby whisperer. You’re capable of figuring out that being fussy doesn’t always mean the baby is hungry.

5. “I thought you said the baby was tired.”

Just because I spend more time with the baby than you doesn’t make me the last word and absolute expert on all things concerning the baby — the baby is actually a living, breathing human who sometimes does things that I cannot predict. I spend a lot of time with you, too, and yet I still can’t figure out why you insist on leaving your belt under the coffee table. Every. Single. Night.

6. “Are we out of diapers? Where are the wipes?”

I don’t know. Are we out of diapers? Aren’t they next to the wipes, which are located in the exact same spot as they were the last time you got them, as well as the time before that, ad infinitum? Even if the diapers or wipes have been moved (which they haven’t, by the way), our house is pretty small. There are finite amount of spaces where they would be located. You are capable of checking both of them, right? Or am I also The Inventory Keeper in addition to being The Shopper? (Not to mention I’m also the The Mommy — to the baby  and  to you, my bigger baby, apparently.)

7. “I don’t hear any crying, but maybe the baby’s diaper needs to be changed? I have to go — bye!”

Wait! Look! See how you did that? You somehow managed to not hear the baby cry, and yet at the same time you could still sense that a diaper change was in order. All while you were walking out the door to go running because “exercise really clears your head.” Amazing coincidence, no?

 

Follow Meredith Carroll on Twitter

Images: Meredith Carroll

 

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