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The Basketball Boob Diaries

Oh man. The boobs. They’re HUGE! I’ve always been, um, on the large side? But this is ridiculous. I think I’m, like, a 34DDD. Is that even a size? I looked at the tag on my nursing tank top and that’s what it says.

I’ve written about breastfeeding before. Here and here. And as with absolutely anything about breastfeeding, it was, of course, controversial. If you’re tired of hearing from me, read the comments. Some of them are rather, how do I say… entertaining?

The gist of what I wrote was that I’ve always been uncomfortable with breastfeeding. For the reasons why you’ll have to go back and read those other posts because, holy cow, I do not want to get into that again. Somehow, the fact that I wrote about feeling awkward about breastfeeding got translated into me saying I won’t breastfeed. I never said that. I said I’d give it the ol’ college try. Which I’m currently doing and it’s actually going really well.

I’m a milk beast. My freezer is already filled with those little storage baggies of milk and the kid is hitting the boob every three hours or so. But this engorgement thing is a nightmare. Thank God for the 800 mg of Ibuprofin the good doctor prescribed or else I’d be DYING.

Here’s what I’m wondering from y’all. So your baby nurses for fifteen minutes or so on one boob and he’s done. Or he nurses a little bit off both boobs.  Either way you’ve got a lot of milk left in both boobs or if he’s particular to one boob you’ve got that one ready to explode like a balloon pricked with a needle.  So you bust out your trusty pump. Do you drain the whole boob or just an ounce or so?

With Violet, I drained the whole boob because it was relief, you know? But Serge, my husband, says he read somewhere that you should only pump about an ounce otherwise your boobs will think they need to make even more milk.

Anyway, I’m all boob. From collar bone to the top of my stomach. It’s not sexy. It’s like one of those porn stars with the crazy boob jobs. How long does this engorgement thing last? Do the boobs stay huge as long as you breastfeed? Last time I breastfed for about a month but this time I’m hoping to go longer. Just wondering if I’m going to be Heidi Montag-sized for the duration.

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