The Elephant In the Room: Postpartum Depression
Depression... too taboo?
Postpartum depression seems to still be such a taboo subject. As someone who has suffered from postpartum depression for two out of three of my children, I think it is something we all should be talking about more instead of sweeping under the rug.
With my second son my depression was the worst. I had a 26-hour-long labor trying desperately to avoid a c-section a second time, and after a failed VBAC try I felt exactly how most do… like a failure. I was a failure as a woman, I couldn’t give birth to my son. Yes… it was about me. Which there is nothing wrong with, although so many people make women feel like their feelings should be discounted, which is a huge problem.
I say to this day, if my husband (who saved my sanity and probably my life) wasn’t laid off during the time Ben joined our family, I don’t think I would have made it through the deep depression I sank into. I wouldn’t get out of bed to take care of him in the middle of the night, I wouldn’t budge when he cried… nothing. I was completely disconnected from him.
And I never realized I actually had postpartum depression until after my daughter was born in April. It was like mothering night and day. I couldn’t even compare the two experiences at all. With every cry and wimper I was wide awake and up to see what was wrong. And I think that my birth experience was to blame all the way around.
Why am I writing about postpartum depression? Because it impacts so many mothers and we need to let those who may feel like they are not doing great, and might have postpartum depression, that it is OK to feel this way, and there is nothing wrong with you!
You are still a great mother, and there are so many ways to get help!
Talk to people, family, friends … find people who could help you to get the help you need to overcome this disease!
Have you had any experience with postpartum depression?
Were you ashamed?
photo: flickr.com/lawmurray
yes I had it real bad, it took a while to admit it to myself, I thought it was just baby blues…then I really hit a wall and stopped sleeping and had soo much anxiety. For 3 weeks I felt sooo overwhelmed and like my brain was going a million miles a minute, I wasn’t “me” I thought I was going crazy! Thank god for family and drugs!! I just weaned myself off the anti depressants and feel great still, I was on them for 6 months. I also was dependent on prescription sleeping pills for 2 months but easily weaned myself off those once I was feeling normal again. I hated taking the medicine but it was necessary and really helped. We just have to remember that postpartum depression does pass, it’s not a permanent thing and to get help however you can!
My spouse had post-partum depression and it was scary. I was kind of miserable, but the rest of our lives kind of crashed right around the time the kid was born, and with colic, we didn’t really sleep. He didn’t get help soon enough and it made things much more difficult for everyone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, take the drugs, and enjoy your baby sooner.
Thank you SO much for this. It is so hard to talk about, I know.. Post partum depression is definitely taboo. Post Adoption depression, which is very similar and which I suffered from is, if possible, even more filled with secrecy and shame (we adoptive moms worked so hard to have our babies, how can we not be happy?)
I am the mother of four and suffered intensely with my third and fourth children. It took me months to even figure out what was wrong with me and it nearly tore our family apart. Yet hardly anybody is talking about it. And just like Post Partum Depression, its the silence that kills us.
Just writing about this will hopefully give you a bit of relief and break the isolation. Sending you encouragement. xoe
p.s. Here’s my story http://www.adoptiongoddess.com.
Please do post a comment. Each one of us who publicly shares our story makes it a little easier for the moms-to-be.
I had a traumatic birthing experience followed by 8 weeks of devastating attempts and failure at breastfeeding with a colicky baby all the while. Also a dear family member died the day after I gave birth. Oh yes, I experienced postpartum depression. Not sure it was the hormonal imbalance PPD, just that a lot of intense and horrible things hit me all at once and I was unable to cope with them. So much crying, so much anxiety. I found a therapist around 7 weeks postpartum and have been doing so much better ever since talking to someone who validates my grief and helps me process my feelings in a me-centered environment. I still cry when I let myself think about my delivery, and then I cry that the experience was so horrible I have no idea how I could ever tell my child anything about it. So sad…but I have a beautiful healthy baby and I just try to focus on that.
I too had a traumatic birth experience that I believe contributed to the depression. I knew exactly what was happening a little more than a week after the birth of my son, crying, feeling hopeless, thinking like I had just made the biggest mistake of my life, afraid to be alone with the baby. I saw my midwife who put me on Zoloft and Ativan and I went to my therapist. I’m 7.5 months postpartum and feeling great now. I don’t understand why PPD/PPA aren’t talked about more openly. When people ask me about how life with a newborn was I am brutally honest. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to hide. It IS completely normal and it WILL pass. Women just need to know that there is help out there and it’s OK to ask.
I finally realized I had PPD (or really more accurately, postpartum OCD) the day my son turned 3 months old. For a while before that, I’d been having horrible intrusive thoughts that scared me and made me miserable, and as I sat at my desk at work, it dawned on me that I didn’t really remember much about the last 3 months. I was lost in a fog, and it was like I was watching my life happen, and I wasn’t a part of it. I called my OB and they got me in that afternoon. She was so nervous about the intrusive thoughts that she sent me to the psychiatric ER 15 miles away. They wanted to admit me, but I begged them to let me go home, because being away from my son would’ve been worse than anything for me at that time. I saw a therapist the next day and started on Zoloft. After a week, I felt like the fog had lifted. I kept seeing my therapist and taking my meds, and around his first birthday, I took my last pill. PPD is so unknown, and I was embarrassed to talk about it. I still have friends and family members who don’t know what happened, including my in-laws.
With my son I had it. I also had PTSD. It was awful. What should have been the happiest time of my life was also the saddest time of my life. It didn’t make sense and I was blessed to have a loving husband help with the baby. But to this day, I feel the effects because my son clearly bonded with my hubby more than me and he always wants him to comfort him. I’m not jealous, as I’m glad they have a relationship that a lot of boys probably don’t have…I just mourn the bond that I could have had. One day thought, we will have a strong bond…..and we are already working toward that bond.
i did not have it with my son but people in my family kept accusing me of being depressed and not saying anything. and when i say accused i mean they treated me like i was out of my mind and would not addmit it, talking to me with pitty in there voice and being condisending. let me tell you, if i was depressed that would NOT have been a good way to handle it.