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The Greener Grass: A Soap Opera In Two Acts

crying baby

The grass really IS always greener on the other side.

After my post about Stay-At-Home Moms and stress, I was inspired to write this little drama which shows both sides of “The Grass Is Always Greener On The Other Side” for both the SAHM and the WOHM. Today is about the SAHM. Tomorrow is the reverse. I hope you enjoy.

The Greener Grass
Act I
The Glamorous Life Of Karlee
Margaret is a working Mom who pulls out of her driveway at 6:45 am, her 5 month-old and 3 year old in the back, ready to be dropped off at daycare, followed by her long commute to work. It’s Monday. She is dreading the pile of work and e-mails ahead of her and wishes she could stay home and play with the two little lights of her life in the back. She spots her neighbor, Karlee, still in her loungewear, outside, picking up a newspaper while carting her own six month-old baby. Her two-year-old dances around her legs, still in his pajamas, too. Karlee waves and smiles to Margaret as she drives away.

“Oh, to live the life that Karlee leads.”
(cue dream sequence music)

DREAM SEQUENCE:
Karlee brings her children inside and places her quiet infant in her crib where she drifts off to sleep. She then helps her two-year-old out of his pajamas and he lays down to allow his morning diaper to be changed. She picks out a cute pair of shorts and a t-shirt for him which he lets her pull over his head with ease. He pulls on his own pants to claps and cheers from Karlee, and she buttons them for him.

“Ta-dah!” She says.

“Ta-dah!” He repeats.

The toddler then gallops over to his play area where he begins to play for a solid two hours, while Karlee is able to catch up on the house work and even sit down at her computer to write a few e-mails to her friends.

When the baby wakes up and has been changed, the three of them hop into the car, get strapped in, and Karlee drives over to meet up with another friend for lunch at their favorite cafe. Karlee sips a cappuccino and laughs with her friend while her infant plays with her feet and her two-year-old draws on a placemat with crayons, then plays with his toy airplane for another 20 minutes. When they get home, she lifts her toddler into his crib where he lays down and takes a two-and-a-half hour nap. The infant goes down too, but she sleeps for three hours.

END DREAM SEQUENCE.
Margaret snaps out of her fantasy and realizes she’s in horrible rush-hour traffic, late for work.

Meanwhile back at Karlee’s house…

Here’s how Karlee’s morning really went:

Karlee shuts the door after getting the morning paper to a SHRIEK from her two-year-old.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! ME CLOSE!!!! ME CLOSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, can I open it for you again?”

“NOOOOOOOO!!!” Loud loud crying ensues. The baby begins to cry as well, being overdue for a nap.

“Can you help me by playing with your toys while I get your sister to take a nap?”

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

More crying and some leg grabbing happens.

“Ok, then.”

Karlee turns on a DVD for the two-year-old and takes the baby in for a nap. While nursing the baby down, the two-year-old comes in and starts screaming his head off, thus waking the baby.

She puts the baby down in the crib and takes the toddler out. The baby commences screaming.

Karlee attempts to ignore the baby for a few minutes, hoping she’ll konk out. Instead she decides to focus on changing the toddler out of his pajamas.

“How about we take off your jammies? A fresh diaper?”

Toddler smiles a sort of evil smile and takes off for the other side of the house. The baby continues her screaming. Karlee chases the toddler and finally gets his diaper off and a fresh one on. The baby falls asleep.

“Phew.” says Karlee.

The baby wakes up and commences pathetic, sad crying.

“Oh MAN.”

She continues to ignore hoping this is a temporary glitch. She watches the clock as she continues to wrestle with the older child to get his clothes on.

Ten minutes go by and the pathetic sad crying has intensified.

She goes in to find infant covered in poop and instantly falls on the floor crying.

“I can’t stand it! See! This is why I should never let you cry! And I’m still in my pajamas. I need a cup of coffee!!!!!”

Cue sappy organ music. Cut to commercial.

Tune in tomorrow to hear Act II of The Greener Grass: The Glamorous Life Of Margaret.

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