The Guilt of Never Being "Enough"emily
A major source of anxiety for me is that I always feel like I’m wasting time doing one thing, when I should be doing something else. And I go to bed every night, feeling defeated because the day wasn’t as productive as it should have been.
My body tells me I’m exhausted, but my irrational brain whispers that I wasted my day doing XYZ, instead of ABC.
I’m busy every day, yet feel wildly unaccomplished.
If I spend the day cleaning the house, I should have spent the day being more attentive to baby Paul and his siblings. I feel guilty because I organized the pantry, when I really should have taken the kids to the zoo or the park.
But if I spend the day taking the kids to the zoo or the park, I feel like I played hookie from my other responsibilities. During that leisurely time at the park, I could have organized the pantry, or worked a few hours in the office.
But if I work in the office, it means I didn’t spend time cooking dinner for my family, and we end up eating takeout.
I feel guilty because I don’t play with my kids enough. I feel guilty because I don’t clean my house enough. I feel guilty because my family eats prepackaged food and I don’t cook enough.
I don’t volunteer enough. I don’t read enough books. I don’t exercise enough, hang out with friends enough, or go to church enough. I surely don’t love my husband enough, or get enough sleep.
What I do do, is a little bit of everything, just enough to keep my head treading above water to avoid drowning.
It’s stupid to feel this way, and deep down in my soul I know I AM ENOUGH. But that mommy guilt thing that everyone always talks about? The feeling of inadequacy? It’s a real (stupid) thing.
Do you ever struggle with feeling like you’re ever enough? I can’t be the only one.
image credit: mooshinindy.
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