The Math Behind Person Poop


Tonight we hit a milestone in gastronomy! Huck ate exactly 1/3 of a jar of baby food before becoming entirely bored and reaching for some boobs. (Prunes, for those keeping score at home.)

Most days we try for some steel cut oats at breakfast (his attention span lasts five mouthfuls, tops) and some fruits or vegetables at dinner time. At this point I’d say his diet is 97.5% breast milk, 1% whole wheat pretzel when he’s feeling edgy, .5% oatmeal, and something percent plant material (this math is getting difficult).

And now, an algebraic word problem:


If a baby, traveling eastward at 60 miles per hour and growing up way too fast, ingests 2.5% solid food, what percentage of his diaper region will be made up of real person poop?

The answer: All of it.

All of it, 100%, and isn’t that bizarre? How does that happen? It makes no sense. I swear, it’s like, two bites of human food, and BAM: PERSON POOP.

Feel free to commiserate with me in the comments.

Or you can tell me how lucky I am that my baby only poops once a week these days. (Mostly breast milk means it’s still A-OK to only poo on occasion. It’s like being on a diaper vacation!) (I have never written the word “poo” so many times in one location before.)

Or you can say “You just wait until–” but please note that saying that will only make my teeth hurt.

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