I am in a super funk. Feeling unmotivated, uninspired, overwhelmed and exhausted. Being a mom is hard work. Being a wife is hard work. Life is hard work. I don’t want to be all complain-y, but sometimes you just have to be transparent so that other people don’t feel like they’re the only ones who don’t have it together. I know it always makes me feel better when I read blog posts that are honest and share the real stuff from time to time, because life really isn’t all sunshine and roses and perfectly styled children and nurseries and beautiful Pinterest-worthy dinners. Sometimes life is poopy diapers and grumpy husbands and burnt toast. We don’t all have it together. I don’t have it all together.
I know that I live an incredibly blessed life; I have a wonderful family and a house to live in and food on the table and I get to stay home with my baby every day. But, sometimes I just feel like I have so many responsibilities that it all just seems like one big, never-ending chore.
When I found out I was going to get to be a stay-at-home-mom I was thrilled. I was excited that I would no longer have to work “long 10 hour days,” but would get to stay home with my little one. Ha! How naive I was… Apparently I missed the memo about motherhood being a 24/7 job…no weekends, no holidays, no lunch breaks. OK, I guess I knew this, but for some reason I was seeing it all through rose-colored lenses at the time.
Fast forward six-months… and it just isn’t always the way I thought it would be. I imagined staying home and baking cookies and doing craft projects and having an immaculate house, but that’s just not the reality. The reality is that I spend every day just trying to keep my head above water… undoing the messes from the day before and never getting far enough ahead to tackle new projects. Just when all the laundry is done, Fern pukes on her sheets… just when I get finished putting away all my groceries, I realize I forgot to buy eggs… just when I’m getting Fern into a sleep routine, she changes it up on me… just when I think I’m learning to balance my priorities, all of the balls I’ve been juggling come crashing down around me.
Some days I snap at my husband and go through the entire day forgeting to read or sing to Fern. Some days I waste 20 minutes of my day making baby food that she hates and spits all over me. Some days my sink’s faucet starts leaking and I have heaping piles of dishes in my sink. Some days I go all day long completing task after task after task and then around 9:00 when Fern is in bed and the dishes are done and I can finally sit, it starts all over again as I begin my other job; writing.
I just keep reminding myself that I am so blessed and that some days are just like this and life isn’t perfect, no matter how hard bloggers and Facebook and Pinterest all try to convince me that it is. Tomorrow will be better and I’ll see Fern’s sweet and smiling face and I’ll remember how much I love being her mama and all will be right with the world again.