The Most Bizarre and Inappropriate Baby Gear Ever Sold

Oh, cute! Baby is dressed like a tree… Wait, no, that’s not a tree.

Strippers, marijuana, tattoos, stilettos, girls in string bikinis and sexually transmitted diseases … You’d think I’m describing a party at P-Diddy’s but you would be wrong.

I’m talking about baby gear.

Yep. Really.

This post detailing the most inappropriate toddler gear was so successful (and mind-blowing!) that I decided to compile a list of the weirdest, most inappropriate baby gear ever sold.

I have as good a sense of humor as the next gal, but some of the stuff being marketed to parents for their kids is just straight up crazy.  Seriously, you guys, there is some wacky stuff out there.

Some of these products were obviously created by a total nutter, some are just kind of weird, and some are actually not too bad, just a little odd. But I can honestly say I would never purchase a single thing on this list (although if gifted with one or two items, I’d probably try them out). Sit back, relax and take a look at some of the most bizarre and inappropriate baby gear ever sold …

What do you think?  Any of these products catching your eye for your little one?  Disagree with my assessment?  Tell me in the comments!

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  • The Baby Bikini 1 of 17
    The Baby Bikini
    Baby bikinis have been written about before on Babble and I have the same reaction every time they cross my radar. NO. Absolutely not. And don't tell me I'm sexualizing the baby because no, the bikini is doing that. What's with the tiny triangles and the little tie sides? Not for my baby, my toddler or even my 10-year-old.
    Image: Babikini.com
  • Baby Bangs 2 of 17
    Baby Bangs
    This one really bothers me. I know it's just hair but people, babies are BEAUTIFUL. Why do we need to put cheap, stupid hair on a baby? Seriously? Who is doing this to their child? I want to go to their home and punch them in the nose.
    Image: Babybangs.com
  • Baby Perfume 3 of 17
    Baby Perfume
    There is nothing, NOTHING, better than a new baby smell. Who wants to cover that up with some stank ass perfume? Seriously, what is the world coming to?
    Image: Mimifroufrou
  • Stripper Onesie 4 of 17
    Stripper Onesie
    Inappropriate onesies come as no surprise to me. I've written about them before. Some I find funny, others are just bizarre. This one? Just stupidly inappropriate.
  • Tattoos for Babies 5 of 17
    Tattoos for Babies
    On a hunch I googled tattoos for babies and what do you know? Here they are. I guess they're cute-ish. Maybe like a sticker, but still ... tattoos for babies?
    Image: Slashgear.com
  • Baby Mop 6 of 17
    Baby Mop
    Why not put that lazy, good for nothing, formula-addicted baby to work? Sit back, turn on the soaps and let baby do his thing.
    Image: Inventorspot.com
  • Drown Your Baby! 7 of 17
    Drown Your Baby!
    Okay not really. And this baby spa actually has tons of positive reviews on Amazon. It keeps your baby warm and upright during bath time. Still. Just like the Creepy Hand Pillow, it just looks bizarre.
    Image: Amazon.com
  • Bling Binky 8 of 17
    Bling Binky
    What's next? Tricked out grills for baby? This diamond pacifier is $17,000 and touts over 278 pave cut white diamonds totaling 3 carats with a 14K European nickel-free white gold base. Whomever made it should be shot on general principle. And we wonder why people hate Americans. Just gross.
    Image: Trendhunter.com
  • Diamond Highchair 9 of 17
    Diamond Highchair
    See this post. Ditto.
    Image: Trendhunter.com
  • Buggy Scooter 10 of 17
    Buggy Scooter
    I'm on the fence on this one. Seems cool but it can't be safe, right?
    Image: Trendhunter.com Image: Trendhunter.com Image:
  • Baby Slippers 11 of 17
    Baby Slippers
    So technically this isn't gear for your baby but it is baby gear, so to speak. I had to squeeze this one in ... Just because.
    Image: Trendhunter.com
  • Stilettos for Baby 12 of 17
    Stilettos for Baby
    These stilettos are heelarious! Not. This product was featured on The Most Inappropriate Gear For Toddlers over on Toddler Times, but because they're specifically for younger babies I had to throw it in the mix here. What is society's obsession with dressing little girls like women?
    Image: Heelarious.com
  • Baby Marijuana Costume 13 of 17
    Baby Marijuana Costume
    BrandsonSale.com says, "The baby marijuana plant costume is just the right combo of cute and edgy that is sure to get stares and laughs from everyone." Um ... okay.
  • STD Dolls for Baby 14 of 17
    STD Dolls for Baby
    Baby fussing? Just hand him the Chlamydia doll to play with. Or maybe HPV? Fun for the whole family!
    Image: GiantMicrobes.com
  • More Inapproprate Baby Clothes 15 of 17
    More Inapproprate Baby Clothes
    Found this one on Parenting.com Something for baby to wear to church, perhaps?
  • Teddy Bear 16 of 17
    Teddy Bear
    Awww, lookit the cute Teddy Bea---. Wait, what does that say? Definitely not something you want to put in baby's crib or a shelf on the wall.
    Image: DennisJudd.com
  • The Inappropriate Baby Book 17 of 17
    The Inappropriate Baby Book
    It's inappropriate! Says so right on the cover. "The first person you peed on was..." Or what about "The first time I took your rectal temperature?" That's what the book description says it includes. Good idea or kind of gross? You be the judge.
    Image: Amazon.com

 Mix and match your own styles with these clothing basics for baby!

MORE ON BABBLE:
35 totally hilarious failed baby photo tattoos
10 mortifying things your baby does in public…and 10 “optional” solutions
The 12 creepiest, weirdest baby shower cakes…EVER
20 hysterical photos of judgmental baby judging you
The most age-inappropriate toddler gear (what were they thinking?!)

 

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