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The Most Bizarre and Inappropriate Baby Gear Ever Sold

By Monica Bielanko |

Oh, cute! Baby is dressed like a tree… Wait, no, that’s not a tree.

Strippers, marijuana, tattoos, stilettos, girls in string bikinis and sexually transmitted diseases … You’d think I’m describing a party at P-Diddy’s but you would be wrong.

I’m talking about baby gear.

Yep. Really.

This post detailing the most inappropriate toddler gear was so successful (and mind-blowing!) that I decided to compile a list of the weirdest, most inappropriate baby gear ever sold.

I have as good a sense of humor as the next gal, but some of the stuff being marketed to parents for their kids is just straight up crazy.  Seriously, you guys, there is some wacky stuff out there.

Some of these products were obviously created by a total nutter, some are just kind of weird, and some are actually not too bad, just a little odd. But I can honestly say I would never purchase a single thing on this list (although if gifted with one or two items, I’d probably try them out). Sit back, relax and take a look at some of the most bizarre and inappropriate baby gear ever sold …

What do you think?  Any of these products catching your eye for your little one?  Disagree with my assessment?  Tell me in the comments!

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The Most Bizarre and Inappropriate Baby Gear Ever Sold

The Baby Bikini

Baby bikinis have been written about before on Babble and I have the same reaction every time they cross my radar. NO. Absolutely not. And don't tell me I'm sexualizing the baby because no, the bikini is doing that. What's with the tiny triangles and the little tie sides? Not for my baby, my toddler or even my 10-year-old.
Image: Babikini.com

 Mix and match your own styles with these clothing basics for baby!

MORE ON BABBLE:
35 totally hilarious failed baby photo tattoos
10 mortifying things your baby does in public…and 10 “optional” solutions
The 12 creepiest, weirdest baby shower cakes…EVER
20 hysterical photos of judgmental baby judging you
The most age-inappropriate toddler gear (what were they thinking?!)

 

More on Babble

About Monica Bielanko

monica-bielanko

Monica Bielanko

Monica Bielanko was raised on the wild frontier of late 1970's Utah. She is a recovering Mormon who married the guitar player of an unknown band. She's been married to her Babble Voices writing partner, Serge Bielanko, for the past nine years. Her personal blog, The Girl Who was in the top ten of last year's Top 50 list. Read bio and latest posts → Read Monica's latest posts →

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42 thoughts on “The Most Bizarre and Inappropriate Baby Gear Ever Sold

  1. Heather says:

    Am I the only one that doesn’t have a problem with the baby high heels? I saw them on another post of inappropriate baby gear and actually thought they were pretty cute. They are obviously meant to be silly….and not for walking babies (they are completely soft!) I would not buy them for my daughter, though. And that has everything to do with the fact that they are $25 and I cannot justify spending that much on something she will quickly grow out of. However, if someone had gifted them to her, I would not be offended.

  2. (London) Amanda says:

    I’m liking the buggy scooter and hey, i wish they’d had those baby mop things around when mine were little. Might have to get one for Paul and get him on all fours!

  3. Kelly Hall says:

    The giant microbes aren’t for babies, I’ve given them as gifts to my science and/or health care industry friends. I think they’re cute! Something tells me that that teddy bear is not for babies, either, I think it was a Valentine gift.

    1. Danielle says:

      I gave the giant microbes to my OB/GYN for Christmas and he loved them. I agree they are more for Health Care Professionals than children.

  4. Lisa says:

    The bath tub YES!!!! Tattoo’s NEVER, but I know some one who has been wondering about them.

  5. Brittany says:

    I love my prince lionheart washpod! It looks like a garbage can, but my son LOVES it! My family made fun of me for registering for it & once I got it, I posted a video of him in it on facebook…three of my cousins went out & got the same one for their babies, who also love it! I wish they made it bigger so he could use it longer…he’s 5 months old and is outgrowing it! :(

  6. TIFFANY says:

    the babymop was on Raising Hope I thought it was funny…..

  7. jenn says:

    Do they make that mop for cats? Lol. That would be awesome! And I didn’t think th stilettos were so bad, or even the temp tattoos. Kinda cute.

  8. Adriana Phillips says:

    I would not buy any of the baby tattoos you had pictured up there but my little one when she was 2 LOVED the Lisa Frank tattoos and would be covered with them. She loves them she is happy with them. They just take for ever to get them off! I also would have used the Baby belly bath. I first seen them while my husband was stationed in the Netherlands 11 years ago. When we came back state side I could not find them. There is nothing else on this list I would use or buy for others.

  9. Desiree says:

    I think that who ever is coming up with the ideas for baby gear is either not all there in the head or they don’t have kids. Yea my son now wears fake tattoos but he’s 3 1/2 years old. He’s not a baby.. the things on this list are ridiculous.

  10. Rebecca says:

    The babymop is all kinds of awesome. Two Birds/One Stone.

  11. Charly says:

    The STD dolls aren’t even meant for children…they are for adults as a gag gift same for the mop and bear…perhaps you should do a little research before throwing random stuff on your list.

  12. Marie says:

    My daughter loved her cold virus plush (basically a blue nubbly ball with eyes), although I wish we’d gotten her mono since it’s cuter (same shape but pink with kissing lips). I think baby #2 will need to have a syphilis plush because it entertains me so much.

  13. JoAnna says:

    Who the hell is making this stuff .. were they high when they made it .. ??

  14. victory gaskinsi says:

    I have a 2 year old grand daughter and a 11 mth old grandson and there mother and father would never put that on them.and I would never aloud them to were that.there r too mine previous out there.can’t spell very well but I’m sure you no what I’m saying.not a good ideal to put that kind of clothes on children.at any age.

  15. Dana says:

    I think that the string bikini is darling. That would be the only thing I would give a second thought too.

  16. katie says:

    dana, i hope your kidding

  17. Whitney McQuarry says:

    lol. I cant believe you said ‘Stank Ass Perfume’ …

  18. Proud mom says:

    Wow, you might need to find a sense of humor! I may not agree with all of them, but I think they are mostly meant to be funny.

  19. Melissa says:

    These are all ridiculous. But, I’m not sure if they are meant to be taken seriously. I do know a photographer friend who used a baby tattoo on her baby during a photo shoot and it was adorable and fitting for the scene she created. It was funny! I also don’t see the fuss over the baby bikini’s but I’m in the minority, I know. I won’t allow my 10 year old to wear a bikini but my toddler wears a tankini every year. They are cute and fit her better. She is very long wasted and it’s terribly hard to find a once piece that fits her correctly. I’d rather see a tasteful two piece, than put her in something uncomfortable.

  20. ashley says:

    I dunno, some of these don’t seem that bad to me, and some of those I don’t think are really meant for children necessarily. They sell those virus stuffed animals at my campus bookstore,and I thought they were hilarious. I kinda feel that by being so harsh with your judgment of these really silly and unimportant things, you’re just perpetuating the unfair judgment and criticism of others’ parenting choices. I mean, in the end, how much of these things really matter?

  21. Teresa says:

    The million dollar binky and the high chair are not ment for us normal income making people, so I wouldn’t even worry about them. They are for socialites to give their frenemies when they have babies. I wouldn’t even give those a second thought. There are people who can afford those as easily as I can afford a pack of gum, so they can buy whatever they want. It’s the thought that counts-and that goes for rich people too IMO.

    I know as a mother of a daughter, I am supposed to hate the bikini and the high heels, but I don’t. Would I put them on my daughter? Probably not-but if I saw a baby in it I would giggle and think it was cute.

    I think the teddy bear is a joke for adults.

  22. ashley says:

    I dunno, some of these don’t seem so bad, and then some of those I don’t think are necessarily meant for children anyway. The virus dolls are sold at my college bookstore, and I thought they were hilarious (and they aren’t limited to STDs either). I sort of feel that all this harsh judgment on these really silly things just perpetuates the unfair judgment and criticism of others’ parenting choices. I mean, in the end, how many of these things really matter?

  23. charity says:

    I think the baby tattoo would be cute for halloween. Like a little biker baby or something.

  24. ashley says:

    Dang, sorry for the double post. I wish there was a way to delete on here.

  25. Kristy says:

    Ok, the scooter stroller is awesome! The big baby bath bucket looks like it needs some holes at a certain level so it can’t be overfilled. The rest is mostly just disgusting.

  26. Minnie says:

    Haha you are hilarious! I love your captions and no sh*t, you’re right on with them.

  27. Michelle says:

    Very cute blog. I love the bikini. My toddler has always worn a mixture of bikinis and one piece swimsuits. We picked them out based on how cute they looked. People leave their toddlers in just those swimmy diapers all the time. We also love the high heel slipper shoes. They are not for walking. They are a novelty.

    Thanks for you blog. I have a great time reading it.

  28. katy says:

    I thought most of it was funny except the marijuana costume ! But where would the poop and pee go in that bikini? LOL

  29. Lori says:

    the tasteless onsies always bothered me, they are not even close to being cute or funny and ive seen much worse… the baby slippers are disturbing, the thought of looking down and stepping on babies, even fake ones, gave me the chills! fake baby hair???? WTH??
    As for the diamond encrusted bling gear, I would bet beyonce has all that for Blue lol

  30. AD says:

    okay i’m with you until the microbe plushes. we used to sell them in my gift shop (in a hospital) and they come in many other things besides STD’s. those actually sell best in colleges. go figure. think more along the lines of red blood cells and the cold virus.

  31. Jackie says:

    I don’t think I am uptight and have in fact had a laugh or two at my boys expense while they were very young. BUT there are lines…and they should NOT be crossed. A lot of this is pure stupidity at it’s finest!!!! WTG moms of this new era…can’t wait to see how these kids grow up….now that is scary!!!!

  32. Deb Mac says:

    I have a bigger problem with the bead necklace then the bikini.

  33. Marie Houck says:

    I bought my son a Chicken Pox plush virus for Christmas. He keeps it on his desk, and says they are quite popular with his fellow graduate students studying for their Masters in Public Health. As his Mom, *I* wouldn’t give him one of the STD’s, but I can imagine some of his friends — or even siblings — doing so. And I could imagine giving a friend with a baby some of the others (not the STDs). They are a nice size for toddler hands. Sold at ThinkGeek.com, one of my favorite websites for shopping for my adult kids.

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  35. Catalina says:

    I used a baby perfurme by Johnson & Johnson and by JAFRA it contains zero alcohol and it basically water … my daughter smelled nice and clean everyday <3

  36. Catalina says:

    I used a baby perfurme by Johnson & Johnson and by JAFRA it contains zero alcohol and its basically just water , my daughter smelled nice and clean everyday.

  37. Jem says:

    I have a 8 month old and her first bathing suit was a 2 piece like the one shown everyone loved it and was a big hit for my 3 month old nothing wrong I have problems with 12- 16 wearing them cause they have stuff to look at baby and kids don’t making Iit just adorable. Pot costume I would have done just for laughs my sister is cop would have found it funny. But t there is nothing wrong with gag gifts our just things to make people take a second look .. Just kent to be funny
    s

  38. Jem says:

    I have a 8 month old and her first bathing suit was a 2 piece like the one shown everyone loved it and was a big hit for my 3 month old nothing wrong I have problems with 12- 16 wearing them cause they have stuff to look at baby and kids don’t making Iit just adorable. Pot costume I would have done just for laughs . But t there is nothing wrong with gag gifts our just things to make people take a second look .. Just kent to be funny
    s

  39. Jem says:

    I have a 8 month old and her first bathing suit was a 2 piece like the one shown everyone loved it and was a big hit for my 3 month old nothing wrong I have problems with 12- 16 wearing them cause they have stuff to look at baby and kids don’t making Iit just adorable.
    s

  40. cath says:

    As a non-American, I don’t mean to judge, but couldn’t help being appalled at all of these, for different reasons-hypersexualization of kids is so hurtful, diamond stuff for babies is SHOCKING, can’t help myself, the baby slippers made me feel like the man was stepping on and crushing newborns, gross!
    Thanks for posting this, so thought-provoking, but one question remains: who buys these things???????????

  41. James says:

    The article is fine without the P. Diddy remark. If that was supposed to be witty it was not even close.

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