The Open Bjorn: Fashion for the Harried MomAmy Keyishian
I pulled into our favorite little free museum today a natural-history museum with some chickens, rescued owls, a tortoise, and assorted grimy, low-rent but totally fun exhibits. We love it, love it, love it there it reminds me of the one I went to as a kid, where I’d spend hours peering at the spider monkey (and avoiding the tarantula terrarium next to it).
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that the guy who cares for the raptors looks enough like Jack Sparrow to cause consternation among the mommies in attendance. Well, this one, anyway. He’s ador. Which is why, when I caught sight of my latest new-mommy-to-two fashion faux pas, I just had to sigh and own it.
It’s a perfect storm of “I’ll forget it if I’m not wearing it,” “I can’t be bothered to take it off and store it just for the ride,” and “the baby shrieks when I put her in the car seat, so I have to minimize the amount of time it takes me to do everything else.” The result would give Tim Gunn a coronary. The bjorn stays on me all the time, even when the baby’s not, just because eh! Who can be bothered?
So when I hop out of my family car, everyone’s treated to a crazy flappy apparatus. Oh well. At least it covers my bloopy post-baby belly.
Speaking of my bjorn, I went a bit bananas the other day on Twitter, riffing on other options in baby-carrying. Enjoy:
first day back at work. hoped i could keep baby in bjorn & type. she has other ideas and has claimed my thumb. fail. #fb
at least we’ve worked out the confusion over my purchase of a baby bajoran. #verysmallnanavisitor #minorkira #fb
randy had hoped we’d get a baby bjork, baby holder fashioned from a stuffed swan. feathers made her sneeze tho. #fb
the baby bjorn bork was fashioned entirely out of stripey headbands and was not effective, though it was quiet and strong.
you’re going to keep seeing this poorly typed crap till she goes to sleep so send soporific thoughts. oh and if you’re my editor sorry!!
So what are your worst fashion faux-pas après baby? Go on, don’t be shy I can’t see you from here.