I didn’t love love being pregnant with my second daughter. I mean, I loved it in a lot of ways. But given that I already had a toddler underfoot and the waning days of my pregnancy were in the dog days of summer, I was over it well before it was over. Still, at the very end, I got nostalgic for the pregnancy and all of the associated bumps, wiggles, aches and inconveniences because I knew it would be my very last one.
I went upstairs and, sure enough, that little bundle of love who we affectionately call Peony turned herself over. It struck me instantly that it was the very last time I’ll have a baby roll over for the very first time. Which just about made me want to sob.
I’d heard from other people how much less you get to savor your second baby, and, boy, is that ever true.
I’m with Peony all day long, but I work full time while I’m with her, and when I’m not working I’m tending to my preschooler. It’s not that Peony is an afterthought — she’s a baby — but she doesn’t get nearly the same kind of attention that my older daughter got when I had her. I don’t see how she could. Sure, it’s a classic second baby kind of thing, but that doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
So when these little milestones hit, like seeing her roll over in her crib, I am struck by how I’m not really noticing the even littler things that can be just as sentimental. The big things, definitely. The littler thing, not so much. And it’s all going so fast. How is she already 6-months-old? When did that happen?
I’m not sad about not having another baby. My heart is happy and full with the ones I have. I don’t miss being pregnant. I don’t miss those first few weeks of zombie-hood with a newborn. But I’m sad that the first special year is halfway over. And I’m nostalgic that I won’t get these first firsts again.
Which is all the more reason to re-double my efforts to notice as many of them as I can — big and small. Before they’re gone for good. Sniff.
Do your baby’s milestones ever make you sad?
Photo credit: Meredith Carroll