Thoughts on Feeding on Demand
Before I had Tate, I never had any particular philosophy when it comes to feeding. I read parts of Babywise while I was expecting, but took it back to the library after a quick scan. It just didn’t jive with what I wanted to do. But I still had no idea what to expect as far as how breastfeeding would work for us.
After we brought Tate home I quickly morphed into an on demand nurser. Part of this, I think, is that I had low milk supply so I put him to the breast as often as I could (and it made all the difference in the world). We have continued this schedule and it works for us. We feed every time he is hungry (or sad or mad, if I am being honest).
Most of the time I am pretty confident in my decisions as a mother, but that doesn’t mean I don’t doubt my choices.
Sometimes I worry that I am overfeeding him – it doesn’t help that people are constantly asking is he REALLY hungry – AGAIN?
I worry that I might be putting myself in a situation that isn’t sustainable for me getting anything done.
I wonder if comfort nursing will spoil him (just a little bit)?
At the end of the day, I think I am doing the right thing for us, but I can’t help but doubt myself sometimes. Do you find yourself doubting your parenting? I hope I am not alone.
Image : flickr | fikirbaz
I’m in the same boat with the feeding on demand. Little Bean is so small that it’s the right thing to do but he’s getting up 2-3 times a night again to nurse. Am I spoiling him? Am I just soothing him or is he actually hungry? Ugh… I hate the constant second guessing.
Long story short.. you aren’t alone.
I’ve been in this same boat with you ladies twice now. It is really hard to feel like you’re doing the right thing when others (especially people who have never nursed) tell you that you’re overfeeding him, or spoiling him.
It’s also easy to second guess when you feel like your own time is being taken so often (mostly time you should be sleeping).
You are doing the right thing. You’re giving your baby what he needs, when he needs it. People told me that the whole nursing/sleeping thing is just a blip in time and really once it’s all over, you won’t give it a second thought that you fed him umpteen times a day. I didn’t believe them because I was so frustrated and tired all the time, but it’s true. I still get frustrated and tired with Fuzz, but again, I know it will end eventually.
Also, @Roni, it’s very common for babies who sleep for a few months to then start getting up to eat again later on.
I’m really not sure how anyone schedule-feeds and is able to sustain a milk supply for longer than a few months, but I’m sure there are people who have, I guess it just depends on your body.
I, too, was in the same boat as you. I on demand nursed (and comfort nursed). It felt like my son was constantly attached to me and i doubted myself THE WHOLE TIME. But here we are, 3 years later and he is a well developed, very unspoiled happy little guy. Trust your instinct and enjoy your little guy.
my baby is 10 weeks old and i have often felt this way, but he was so tiny at birth that it made sense to feed when he wanted. it took me a while to be okay with it, even now – still getting comments from mom friends. but it’s very apparent that he finds a lot of comfort in it. i pump and let my husband bottle feed or sometimes use the bottle on the run or in a hurry and he glares at me the whole time and usually insists on nursing sometime after it only for a few minutes ha…
You can’t overfeed an exclusively breastfed baby! Growing and learning takes a lot of energy, so do what feels right. Ignore other people when they sat that they can’t believe he’s hungry again – breast milk digests much more quickly than formula. I’ve breastfed all my kids (though some had to have some formula supplements early on) and they all ate every two-three hours until 6months or nine months- even through the night! Some kids switch themselves to longer waits, some kids have tiny tummies and can’t hold too much. And growth spurts come along and screw up any rudimentary schedule you might have. As long as your child is growing well, peeing and pooping regularly, then relax and enjoy the nursing!
Demand nurse, comfort nurse, whatever works for you. Babies have plenty of time to grow up, snuggle while you can. How many criminals say I wish my mom hadn’t held and nursed me so much as a baby. You can’t spoil him, you can’t overfeed him, just enjoy him. My last was a high need, frequent on demand comfort nurser…til she was 2. I heard lots of comments, but felt I was doing what was best for us. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
For me, it has always been s balancing act. When she was little, I joked that I would “feed on-demand within reason”. That meant that I would listen to her cues and feed her when she wanted to be fed, but I also payed attention to the clock (at least some-what). For me, this meant I was feeding her anywhere between every 2-4 hours. Some times she wanted to eat after 2, or maybe not til 4 (usually we stayed right around every 3 hours). There are a few reasons this worked best for me. I could count on being able to get at least some sleep and I could make sure she was reaching the hindmilk. I had an oversupply issue and scheduling feedings a bit more and therefore keeping her on longer helped me remedy the formilk/hindmilk imbalance. You do what works for you.
Also @Naomi, it is very possible to schedule feed and maintain your supply. Now that my baby is older, we feed every 3 or 4 hours (usually, like I said. some days she wants it sooner and that’s fine) and I have ALWAYS enough milk (usually more than enough). No supply issues. We are 8 months in.
A baby isn’t asking for more or different than what he needs. In that respect I think you can’t overfeed or spoil (what does that even mean?) a baby for feeding him when he’s hungry. I eat when I’m hungry. I can’t even imagine how it would work breastfeeding a baby on a schedule – a schedule would never work for me and my two. And back to the concept of spoiling, if a baby is asking for food or comfort those are basic human needs – I really wouldn’t worry that giving him those things is going to have a negative impact. In one baby care book I have, the author says putting a young baby on any kind of routine is just luck whether or not he follows it – that really rang true for me and while both my babies were little I just followed their lead.
A breastfeed (when exclusively feeding) is everything to a baby, from a three couse meal, to a snack on the run, & their only source of hydration- like a cup of water or a big cup of cocoa. When I think how many times a day I put something in MY mouth to eat/drink, and then when i consider the size of my baby’s stomach & their growing needs- feeding on demand makes sense to me! The body is one amazing thing, regulating supply and producing what the baby needs- the saying is you can’t overfeed a breastfed baby.
I am 6 weeks into this adventure with my little one, and I am lucky to be able to feed him exclusively (I know some people struggle with supply/other issues out of their control). He has definetly got himself into a ‘pattern’ for the day, (rather than a set routine). The difference is I have a little idea what is coming up next (within reason), but has no definite time limit to it. This way I can still get out and do things, I can make mini plans & feel (minutely) like I know what I’m doing!!
At the end of the day, it’s what is right for you & your baby- not other people and their baby. Some people thrive on sone sort of routine & I totally respect that too.
I’m a lot like Jessica — feed on demand, but watch the clock. I usually assume that B doesn’t need to eat if it’s only been an hour since I gave him a good full feeding, and I employ some other comfort measure. B doesn’t comfort nurse (his choice, not mine), so if he’s fussy but not hungry and I try to nurse him he just kind of looks at me like I’m crazy.
Do what works for you until it no longer works is my philosophy. If Tate is hungry, feed him. I know I hate to wait if I’m starving!
Do what works for you until it no longer works for you. If he’s happy, and you’re happy, you’re doing it right. If you are a bit grumpy or tired but still basically thinking you’re doing the right thing, you are. My twins only got 5 weeks of breast milk. I did CIO (which I regret), and they still cling to me for comfort. Probably because I abandoned them to cry! Just kidding. Point being-no one else is raising your kids. No one decision creates a certain type of kid or behavior. Humans are just too complicated for that. Enjoy your time together. Hold his little hand and memorize its awesomeness while he snuggles. You’ll never regret it. Also, chores are so over-rated. They can wait.
I breast feed on demand and I think that is the best thing to do! I dont keep myself on a strict eating schedule and my other kids either. Why would I make my baby wait or cry when he is hungry? With breast feeding especially, its hard to know how much they are getting anyways. I personally think babywise is nothing more than convenience to the mother and treats a baby like a pet more than a human being! maybe that sounds a little harsh but I believe in the good old motherly instinct and catering to physical human needs and Ive never felt bad about doing that.
I’m in the EXACT same boat. Am i comfort nursing her too much? Am i overfeeding her? People constantly commenting and my mom suggesting to give her formula every night “so she would sleep longer” (though she sleeps 4-5 hours streches at night since her birth and is only 2 months old!!) are sometimes annoying, and i sometimes doubt myself. Thanks to you and other bloggers on Babble, i realise that i’m not alone, and that helps a lot!
I nurse on demand, but have never worried about spoiling. I figure even if my daughter is nursing for comfort I want to provide her with that the same way I want to provide nourishment.
I did both. Good news is baby will be fine either way! But it is true my babies who were fed on more routine (not schedule) seemed to be less fussy and more confident. I can’t help but think the milk was better quality and more satisfying when I fed on routine. Less nighttime waking and I was certainly more rested. And yes-many times I also threw in a feeding to keep him quiet in church or in public or if he seemed like he needed comfort or extra hungry cause of a growth spurt—- I used my judgement. Just don’t get too opinionated on either side or you’ll miss out on the point of being a mother—learning that maybe others have a valid point so I think you’re on the right track being open rather than looking for examples of why what you are doing is the one true way. There are two sides to every story-and both are worth considering.
I have been struggling with this lately too! My little one is almost 3 months old and still wakes up often at night to nurse (every 2-3 hours usually), and feeds during the day on demand too. I’m sure a lot of it is comfort nursing – when he’s fussy and I can’t figure out what’s wrong, I often put him to the boob and it calms him and makes him happy (even if he’s just eaten recently). I’ve been worrying that I am doing the wrong thing, (afterall there are SO MANY books and talk of scheduling babies) but reading these positive comments makes me realize that he won’t be this age for long and I need to cherish every moment of closeness with him, eventually I will sleep through the night again, and at some point I will wish that his discomforts and whatnot could be solved as easily as I can solve them now.
I agree. I also nurse on demand, comfort nurse, etc and I have the same feelings but I know I am doing what’s best for me and my son. All I’ve wanted was to enjoy him while he is small because he is growing so fast! He is almost 7 months old already and I still try and nurse him as much as I can, and enjoy every minute when I do. I know that all too soon he will be crawling, walking and running away from me to do his own thing….it makes me sad to think about. So trust in yourself and do what feels right. Enjoy your time with your baby and relax!
I’m an on-demand feeder myself, with my second one. With my first, I had to use formula, which is much easier to schedule around, since it digests about the same amount of time every time. Breastmilk varies more, & while my aunt’s laying it on heavily to schedule my second one, I truly feel the way we’re doing it now works. Yes, many “feedings” are for comfort rather than hunger – but I’m trying to get inside her head & see things from my baby’s p.o.v. Put that way, it seems barbaric to let her CIO without me there with her, or to not allow her the comfort nursings. I’m not judging anyone who does – just stating my thoughts on the subject. So, Madeline, do what you feel is best for you & Tate. Depending on the beliefs you follow, attachment parenting may or may not be for you. I have to do a mix of attachment/unattachment since I live with my aunt & uncle (have to keep them happy while doing as much as I can the way I believe is best), but living on my own, I definitely prefer attachment parenting. Let those nagging worries fade, mama, & enjoy.
I’m on demand nursing and I worry just the same as you….will he get over weight, will he only calm down with boobs…all of that. But it makes him happy…and if it doesn’t hurt him and doesn’t hurt my nook supply….can’t be too bad…right??
*milk….lol smartphone and nursing fail right there
I nurse my 6 month old on demand when we’re together before and after work as well as on weekends, and pump at work during the day. It’s been great because he sets my supply on when we’re together, so I have just the right amount of milk to pump during the week. So far we haven’t had any low supply or oversupply issues. Hooray for biology!
I thought it wasn’t possible to overfeed an infant. Have you ever tried to feed a baby that was not hungry? They aren’t going to tolerate it for very long. I thought babies went by instincts alone and when they don’t want to eat because they are full, they won’t. I “on demand” breastfed both of my kids because I thought that was what you should do; feed the baby when they want to be fed. Worked great for the first one, the second one is 9 months and still eats 3-4 times overnight because she only eats between 9 and 12 oz (plus one meal of solids) during the day at daycare. At this age, my first was eating like 20 oz during the day. I would like more uninterrupted sleep, but I’m not a mom that can “let them cry it out.” So, I guess we’ll keep doing this and hopefully she will grow out of it.
i nursed both my minions on demand….. there’ll come a time when they nurse when they feel like it, they’ll sleep through the night and be too interested in eating their hands and shoving toys into their mouths….
and remember, no matter what means of comfort you give them now, they won’t be going off to college in diapers and still nursing on demand.
I feed on demand as well. I am sure at times it’s just to comfort him knowing that I’m here for his every need. I don’t believe you can “over feed” a breast fed baby. I have gotten those comments of “is he really hungry again???!!” and I hate that ppl say that because sometimes he just wants a snack because he is tired…and if that calms him down and he enjoys it…than so be it! This is my second time around b/f and I just absolutely LOVE it! Knowing that I am the “go to person” to make him feel better is just the best thing for them! (well and me) I am currently a stay-at home Mom. SO it’s easy for me to just give him his needs at any time of day. I don’t really believe on putting a young baby on a schedule. I let both of my boys make their own schedule. We do bed time routines…and nap times. But for the most part I let my child nap when ever he needs it.