When the Breast Stops Being the Best
We’re quitting breastfeeding.
Well, if you can quit something you never did successfully in the first place.
In the month my baby has been here we have tried so much to make this work.
We did tubing on fingers, tubing on breasts, special bottles, nipple shields, 3 different lactation consultants. We have battled with disinterest, flow preference, nipple aversion, thrush and insatiable appetites. More tears have been shed, from both me and the baby, over breastfeeding than could possible be tallied.
We tried everything, and yet somehow, here we are, a month in and still unable to breastfeed. And ready to be finished struggling.
I think I knew the end was near when we decided to take some time off last week. But everyone had told me that some babies just “got it” at 4-6 weeks and so yesterday we tried again. He wouldn’t latch without the shield, and though he nursed somewhat successfully with it, after 20 minutes the flow was not enough and he began hysterically crying. As I watched my hungry baby screaming as I tried to coax him to latch again, I realized that it was time.
Continuing to try to breastfeed was making us both completely miserable.
I feel like I’ve lost so much time to breastfeeding. Like I’ve missed out on some of the joy of a new baby because we have spent so much time struggling. I have many regrets when it comes to this experience, but that is the greatest of them. And for that reason, I feel relieved with the decision to be finished.
But there is another part of me that is devastated.
I had these images of breastfeeding. We have a brand new glider in the nursery and I had visions of nursing my baby to sleep and then putting his drowsy, calm body back in his crib. I got a beautiful nursing cover and thought about all the times we’d make use of it in public, the ease of feeding my baby wherever we went. I imagined I would be the ultimate comfort to my child.
And all of that has changed.
I can still use that glider, I just have to grab a bottle first and make sure I have enough milk to fill his belly. I can still use the nursing cover, and have, for pumping. I am still my baby’s favorite person, but it’s just not the same as I imagined. I wanted to be the only person who could feed him. I wanted that closeness, that relationship and now I have to find a different way.
There’s a part of me that wants to keep trying, but I also just want to enjoy my baby. I want to find a routine with pumping, I want to see what it’s like to just feed my child, not to struggle with him every 3 hours. I want eating to be tear free for both of us, and we haven’t ever had that with breastfeeding.
While I am sad, I know that I will regret quitting much less than I’ll regret making us miserable and missing out on time with my baby. I know the saying goes that “the breast is best” but I think for us, that’s just no longer the case.
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I admire and salute your rational and measured decision about what it is best for you and Eli. It is always hard to make wise and rational decisions, but never more so than when you are one month post partum and sleep deprived. I mourn with you the loss over your dreams about feeding Eli. And I send you strength and good thoughts to tell off any sanctimommies who dare to tell you “breast is best.”
Thank you for being so honest. I am preparing to have a baby and my mother and sister both had a terrible time trying to breastfeed. I feel this intense pressure to breastfeed but I have decided that I will not let it ruin parenthood for me. If I can breastfeed (even with some coaching/assistance) that is great but I am not going to beat myself up if there are issues. Thank you for sharing your experience. I view being a good mother as doing what makes me and my baby healthy and happy – that may or may not include breastfeeding.
It’s tough but you’re making the right decision. Good luck and enjoy these days with your baby.
I wholeheartedly agree with what Susan said. You have to do what is right for you and those first few weeks are oh so hard all on their own. Stay strong and don’t listen to any of the naysayers. This is about you and your son and nobody has any right to think they know better what is best for the two of you.
You are definitely making the right decision. And there is no need for explanations – you are Eli’s mother – you know what is best for him – go with your instincts, without second guessing yourself. I did not breastfeed (21 years ago), but I still remember my nights on the rocking chair giving my precious baby his bottle. I actually looked forward to getting up in the middle of the night with him – it was ‘our’ time to bond – just the two of us. So grab a bottle, sit in that new glider and enjoy your time with your son. You will know exactly how much he is getting and both of you will be so much happier – which is all that matters. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The breast might be best for some – but definitely not for all! You gave it a valiant effort and I applaud you for knowing when enough is enough.You are doing a great job and your little guy is absolutely adorable.
I went through the same thing! Four months later I have a wonderful healthy baby boy who I feel closer to him bottle feeding than I ever did breast feeding because it was so stressful for us. Good luck with everything and you will do great!
You will both be fine. You are doing what is best for both of you. I’m so relieved for you, I’ve been reading these posts and just aching, wishing you’d stop struggling. One more time… In a year, none of this will matter at all. Get some rest and enjoy your baby as much as you can!
Here is an ancient story from before you were born: I thought I was successfully breastfeeding and my daughter gained a total of 3 pounds in 4 1/2 months. She never cried but got bonier and bonier. She slept a lot so I thought that I had a contented baby. When she was in the 5th percentile weight-wise, the doctor said that she was sorry that breast feeding was probably over, but she had officially become “failure to thrive” so she became a bottle fed baby. She became a happy, active baby and survived her infancy.
I think it is possible to have an illusion that things are going well when they are not. Just look for a sparkle in your son’s eyes. That sparkle is worth more than anything. Hold onto that sparkle for his whole childhood. Someday, he will be “naughty”, mischievous and possibly wildly independent. Just look for the sparkle…and you will know that you are on the right path.
Katie, you are absolutely doing the right thing. I have been in your shoes and can share in both the relief and sorrow you are probably feeling right now. I did the ridiculous struggle for over 4 weeks myself (2 lactation consultants, different nipple shields, books, advice from family and friends….on and on and on). After letting go of breastfeeding it took about a month to get into a routine with pumping but eventually that became easier too. I used to look at my glider with tears in my eyes, but now I use it to rock my adorable, healthy 7 month old boy to sleep, so it has gotten it’s fair share of use in the end. You will find incredible ways to bond with your son that you can’t even imagine right now and it will be so sweet and wonderful. Enjoy him and pat yourself on the back for being an outstanding mommy.
I went through a similar experience, although you’ve made it MUCH farther than I did. Don’t let it get you down. I think I did and I regret that. I had such high hopes for it, that when it didn’t work out, I felt HORRIBLE. In retrospect, I wish I would have taken it for what it was and moved on. Formula feeding has made me a much happier Mom in the long run.
I tried too. For 5 weeks. But it just didn’t work. It’s just not for everyone. Don’t feel bad. Many of us are there with you.
At least yiu tried and, in my opinion, the education you give your child is still more important than whether your breastfed him or not. The first weeks are the hardest but, believe me, it gets SO much better.
I wish you guys all the best!!
Uhhh, I had the same issues! Once I made the hard decision to stop trying to breastfeed, life got so much more enjoyable! I admire you trying for so long and trying so many different things. I had the same hopes, it’s just sometimes life has other plans! Our baby was so much happier when she was getting her fill of food from formula. Good luck and know your baby loves you regardless!!
I had the same experience (quit at 6 weeks) and stopped for the same reason – I just wanted to enjoy my baby and be a sane, happy mom who wasn’t constantly in tears and panicking about feeding the baby. I allowed myself to grieve for a little while over the loss of what I had hoped to be a beautiful breastfeeding relationship, and for some time it stung when I saw other moms successfully breastfeeding or when I saw comments on blogs, etc. about women not trying hard enough/giving up too easily. But, now my son is 2.5 and none of it matters anymore. Although I am expecting no. 2 in a couple months, which is bringing up the trauma of those first weeks surrounding breastfeeding. I’m hoping it will work better this time and I know I will be somewhat disappointed if it doesn’t. But, I have a much better perspective on how breastfeeding fits into the big picture, and I am not willing to sacrifice my mental health and ability to just enjoy my newborn on the alter of breastfeeding. You are making the right decision for you – hang in there and things will get so much better soon!
Good luck, mama. Be happy with your decision and start enjoying your baby.
Hey, you tried. And tried hard from the sound of it. No one can fault you for that. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. My third child was simply not a fan of nursing. We tried but it didn’t pan out. There’s nothing wrong with it. You know what you have to do, what’s best for your baby.
http://www.deathmetalmommy.blogspot.com
Everyone’s already said it: you tried, and now you’re going down a different path. The end. Anyone who gives you guff can shove it. I know you’re probably upset at the situation, but you’ll see both you and your son SO much happier. The same thing happened to me, and even though I *still* sometimes feel guilt a year later, my son is fed, happy, and growing, and like you’ll see with Eli, that’s all that matters.
After battling IGT (insufficient glandular tissue) for six excruciating weeks with my first baby (and all the failure to thrive fun that entails), I threw in the towel at the two week mark with my second. Because sometimes? It. Is. Not. Worth. It. And bottle feeding can really be lovely too.
I think we’re going to buy a second glider for baby #2, because my older son still loves to snuggle and read with me in his–the place where I snuggled him and fed him throughout his first year. I teared up at the idea of moving it from his room. Neither of my babies ever learned how to hold a bottle–despite becoming straw-cup proficient around the 8 month mark–because bottle time was snuggle time–and bottle holding was mama’s job. We could both kick back in the rocker and just relax. Breastfeeding time? Was when mama tried to contort into all kinds of spots to try and get baby to latch on, and felt compelled to not move a muscle when there was any kind of latch. And when baby screamed because there was no milk. I’ll take the bottle over that any day.
Katie, your story is so similar to mine! My son would get so upset while trying to breastfeed, I’d get tense, he’d sense I was tense and we would both end in tears. I started exclusively pumping myself and even that comes with its hardships. However, it was SO much better than breastfeeding was. I think you made the best decision because you made the best decision for YOU and YOUR BABY. Sure it isn’t what you thought it would be but you will find that becomes a trend in motherhood. The good news is, more often than not it is far BETTER than what you imagined. Hang in there mama! You are doing a great job!
Just in case you want to comiserate with a mom who went through a very similar situation… here is my story:
http://www.myfullthymelife.blogspot.com/2012/03/confessions-of-sorta-breastfeeder-part.html
Take heart. You are making the best decision for you and your baby. You are also brave to voice your feelings, I know it was not an easy decision, but you’ve gotta do what you gotta do for your whole self.
If you can’t tell from the above, it’s amazing to have such an honest portrayal of how difficult breastfeeding can be. It’s not easy, not everyone can. I wish the disillusion people guilt mothers with would end. I applaud you and all you did. You are a great mama.
*HUGS*
Best Wishes on your journey, wherever it takes you.
SO….it sounds like you will still be pumping, and it is just the method of feeding that is different? Am I misreading that?
@Al_Pal Yes, I’ll still be pumping for as long as that’s what’s best for both of us.
Just because you couldn’t feed this baby doesn’t mean you can’t feed the next. Save all those wonderful things and thoughts and try with the next one. I hope you feel better soon. You and your baby are not failures you gave it your all and choose a better path. Good Luck.
Hey, I know it seems like the end of the world right now, but I went through the same thing and now she is 6 months old and breastfeeding like a champ. I had to pump IN the hospital because she lost too much weight the second day and they wouldn’t let me leave without supplementing. Then my nipples got so RAW they bled and I couldn’t do it, so I started pumping 6x a day. I was so angry and jealous at all the girls who said it was easy.
Then at around 2 months I was scrambling at 5 am to heat up a bottle when I just decided, F@#$ it, I’ll give it a try, and she latched on right away! I think babies can sense our anxiety and it makes everything harder. Take a break and try again in a month. The bottle will NOT always ruin them from the breast.
Also, you ARE still breastfeeding, just in a different way. You should be very proud of that. Good luck!
Your decisions are what is best for your baby! Breast is not best if it is not enough, stressed out, depressed, angry, or resentful! There are still ways to bond with baby, some I think work better than bfing. I never got much milk but continued to nurse, bottle w/formula, pump- all of which took almost 2 hours.. For 3 weeks. We’ve never looked back! Hubby or I are the only ones to feed a bottle (or babysitter), we can look each other fully in the eyes, and I can continue to sleep and work when I need to, which makes this momma happy! Still hoping to bf #2, but bottle and formula was best for us-not breast!
Oh and don’t believe everything you read on the internet, our kid has gotten a cold once and still is the happiest kiddo. You’re not dooming baby to a life of sickness and deep-rooted anger, you’re choosing to move forward and focus on your famly as a whole. Enjoy!
Hugs to you from a mama of a 10-week old baby girl who also refused to successfully latch- I have been exclusively pumping for about 9 weeks now, and it is going well. Pumping is a pain at times, but if feeding breast milk is worth it to you, then you’ll get through it. We still try to breast feed every once in awhile, but I have accepted the fact that I am an exclusive pumper for this baby girl. A friend of mine said something that stuck a couple of weeks ago: When people ask you if you are breast feeding, you say yes, because you are (if you are indeed planning to pump). The method may be different, but the product is the same.
I was in your exact place 8 months ago (my baby boy just turned 9 and a half months). I know it’s a really hard place to be but what’s most important is that you and he are both happy and that you are the best mommy you can be. I have exclusively pumped for 8 months now and it has been great for us. You will find your groove. Don’t feel any guilt over this and don’t look back—you did everything you could and you made the best decision for the both of you–one of your first of many tough mommy decisions. Hugs and good thoughts to you! You are brave and strong! Just as another commenter said–you ARE breastfeeding because he is getting breastmilk–a bottle is just the way he chooses to drink it!
I pumped exclusively with my little guy (now a big 4 year old) and I loved it. We froze what we didn’t need right away and after I weaned myself from the pump we still had about 4 months worth of breastmilk for him. And I got to use my cute breastfeeding cover the few times I needed to pump in public (I had a portable one). Cuddling is important, nutrition is important, being loving is important. I get tired of the idea that there is some mystical thing that happens when babies are breastfed that goes beyond those three things. Everything he could get from breastfeeding he can get through other means, I promise.
Did anyone check to see if your child is tongue-tied?
I think you made the right decision, though I word urge people not to give up just because it is hard (yes of course if there is not enough milk etc). I went through weeks of agony and tears, but was determined to do it, and I even ended up giving formula a few times when I was in so much pain, but after 3 months suddenly the pain went and it was amazing after that
Obviously, I didn’t go through as bad a time as you, and some of the other commenters, but if you can do it, it does get better 
Keep ur head up mommy I went through the same thing with both my boys n I just gave up on breastfeeding if u go to http://www.facebook.com/RespectTheBreast they can help u get through this or u can always try to relactate if u wanna breastfeed. Im proud of u for going as long.as u did if u need to talk to seone that has gone through the same.thing find me on facebook. Gl mommy.
You made it a month–congrats! I know that feeling — like you’re wasting so much time struggling instead of enjoying. It’s HARD. I don’t know of a single woman for whom BF came easily. It was always either the baby had an issue with latching or reflux or the mom had trouble producing.
I struggled with supply and at the two-week mark our ped basically told me my daughter needed more food. We began supplementing, plus pumping and nursing. We did that combo for 9 months. She had my milk — either expressed or from the breast–for 9 months. And I am at peace with it. You will be too, someday. You gave it an amazing start and it’s awesome once you realize how you can still bond w/ baby — even now at 18 months, long past the bottle days, we snuggle in her rocker. What’s important is that you are you–mama! There is none other.
http://let-there-be-light.net
Oops, meant began supplementing w formula. And not EBF meant my husband could help out more — always a big help for a new mom!
It made me sad to read this. I went through the same thing for 5 weeks. I cried many tears over the fact that I couldn’t provide for my baby by producing enough milk. I drove myself, my husband, and my baby crazy trying to make it work. I still feel guilt about not being able to give my son (now 6 months) the best possible nutrition.
Just because you can’t breastfeed, doesn’t mean you can’t provide breastmilk for your child — I pumped for my triplets for 7 months. They were born too early to effectively latch on, but I was able to provide them with the nutrients they needed via bottles. Once demand dramatically exceeded supply I switched to formula. I really feel everyone makes way too much of a big deal about this — do whatever works for you, without guilt! All the cuddling, rocking and bonding still happens, you just might be holding a bottle while you do it — and that is the most important part of parenting.
This is just the first of many difficult decisions you will have to make in the best interest of your child and, unfortunately, not the first that you will have to defend. Congrats on being a loving, devoted mommy … and, welcome to the club!
It took my first baby 5wks to latch without that stupid nipple shield. Once he finally got it he was a pro and I was able to nurse him until he was 15mths.
That being said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to bottle feed. If you can you should continue to pump so he’s still getting the breastmilk. If not, then there’s nothing wrong with formula feeding.
I know it’s not what you imagined but, you did your best and now you can share the nighttime feedings with your partner
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As someone who made every attempt to breastfeed (for 6 weeks) and couldn’t, I completely understand. I’m kind of disappointed by the comments that attempt to be supportive but still work in the guilt. Breastfeeding isn’t the only way to nourish or bond with an infant. And it’s only “the best” in theory. If it keeps you from bonding with your child, if your infant is becoming malnourished, or if your child is getting ill, it’s not the best. If there weren’t so much pressure on parents to do the “one right thing” (which varies based on who you talk to), we could all enjoy parenting that much more. And the reality is that there isn’t a “right” way to parent. There are guides for healthy paths, but none of them will work for everyone. Curl up with your little on in that glider, and enjoy your relationship as it is. Because I guarantee that as your child grows, there are going to be plenty of moments where things aren’t living up to the ideal of being a parent. And you’re still going to love him just as much. And, let go of your need to be “everything” for him, and if there is a dad present, let daddy be part of the everything, too. Dads are shut out in the feeding experience when you breastfeed exclusively. Bottle feeding allows daddies to bond, too.
No one is going to care whether you breastfed your infant in a couple years. People make too big of a deal about breastfeeding, it drives me nuts. Don’t beat yourself up over it, there’s more important things in life to concern yourself with than your lactation and latching on.
I wish this blog would have existed 18 months ago, my last baby that I wanted to breastfeed.the longest was having difficulties gaining weight nursing. We fought for 6 weeks to try and establish great nursing but it was too difficult and her gaining weight and thriving was more important, so we threw in the towel and gave her formula from thanh on out. I felt.fine with my bottle feeding until people would try and judge me (it was very weird to get stares for not whipping out a boob in public,.it used to be the opposite) wic with all their pro breastfeeding posters made me feel like a failure
There should be more opportunities for women to share experiences similar to yours, instead of the stories that make us feel guilty because it didn’t work out with breastfeeding. My daughter had a similar experience: for the first several weeks after delivery, I was so swollen that her tiny mouth didn’t have a chance to latch. Then there were the nipple shields: way too small for my giant swollen breasts. *sigh* We tried and tried, formula supplementation had to start while we were in the hospital, as did my relationship with the pump. I survived pumping for 5 months, when my supply essentially diminished down to nearly nothing. The stress of trying to breastfeed as well as my love/hate relationship with that pump have been the most stressful part of becoming a new mom. Now I’m moving on. Good luck to you, and know that there are just as many women out here with experiences similar to yours as there are women for whom breastfeeding works. Thanks for giving us a voice.
I’m guessing from what you said that you are planning to continue pumping, at least for now. Let me just tell you what happened to me. My first would not latch for the first 6 weeks. I pumped and fed her instead because it was too frustrating to even try. I would be in intense pain and she would scream and it was just…so hard. I had no help. I did not even try all the stuff you did, I just pumped. At 6 weeks I decided I was going to make it work. We tried again, weeks after our last try. And we got it. So if you do choose to keep pumping, you might just take a break…then try again when he’s a bit older. You never know what might happen. I agree you need a break right now. You don’t need that frustration. You need to focus on loving and enjoying your little baby. But IF you want to try again in a few weeks…despite what everyone says, it IS possible to do that even after weeks of pumping. Maybe you don’t want to or maybe it wouldn’t work out, and that’s fine. I just wanted to share that I “broke all the rules” and still was able to breastfeed eventually.
Thank you for your honesty. There are many moms reading this who will be relieved of guilt because you had the courage to write about your struggle. Like many who have commented before me, I have been through something similar. I wish I had recognized as early as you have, the great loss of joy that is suffered by agonizing and delaying the decision to stop breastfeeding when it just isn’t working out. Now that my three boys are teens and older, I can assure you, it will not matter one bit what feeding method was used in just a few short years. What matters is that you love that precious lttle one more than anyone else in the world. <3
Have you tried the breast flow bottles? But if so thank you for being so honest. I quit after 3 months and now I’m not beating mysellf up for it.
Yes! We tried those first for about 2 weeks. They caused Eli to take in a TON of air and he was miserably gassy all the time. We switched to the slow flow Tommy Tippee bottles which are still somewhat similar to the breast and they reduced the gas issue way down. I wish the breastflow had worked longer since they were so much more like breastfeeding.
It seems to me that we have these idealized images of what we think motherhood should be — and the sooner we let go of them the better.
As a now experienced mother I can tell you that the real nitty gritty reality of parenthood is so much better than the images. It’s not all sweetness and light. There’s frustration and disappointment and conflict. There’s a lot of stuff most of us don’t want to admit to. But there’s joy and surprise and contentment. There’s the bittersweetness of letting our children go little by little. It can bruise your heart but makes it so much bigger and stronger.
Motherhood is So Much More Complex than that image in our heads. It is in a word – REAL. I know that doesn’t stop the pain of letting those things we imagined go but trust me… reality is so much better.
I have actually been going through the same thing with my little girl. I feel awful about not breast feeding but in the end our babies depend on us to do whats best for them. She is my fourth baby and i wasnt able to breast feed any of them all for different reasons! Some things just aren’t ment to be! your still your babies favorite person!!! Dont feel bad about it everything will be okay!!! All anyone can do is try…a month is better than not at all!!!
Don’t be disheartened, Momma. You are making the best decision for the health & happiness of you & your precious one. My daughter had difficulty with a lip tie that one bothered to tell me about, I researched & discovered it on my own. I come from a circle of women who did & do breastfeed so I got a lot of encouragement to continue. Keep pumping & keep your head up! And you never know…..maybe the next l’il one will be a breast champ ^_^
I just wanted to let you know I had the same experience with my first son who is now 7 years old. I was excited when my youngest started to nurse right away in the hospital. But, it all came to a crashing hault the second night I was there. He stopped nursing, screamed and didn’t want anything to do with the breast. I tried and pumped, etc. I gave up when we got home and we were all happier. To be honest, breastfeeding never came easy–I just never produced enough milk. Don’t worry, your child will be just as happy and as connected to you. It is much better to be a happy mom than a miserable one.
That must have been really hard to write (probably harder to do). I admire the time you gave and your will to try (very hard as it seems). I too had a really hard time breastfeeding in the beginning (bleeding nipples constantly and the pain was unimaginable only to be told by at least 5 midwives that I was doing it correctly). I too hired a lactation consultant and she solved my problems and I carried on for the year. But, if she hadn’t, I’d have been right in your shoes. So, I completely understand why you’re stopping. I hope that by writing this blog it’s helped you share a little bit of your sadness and grief and that now you can be happy and pain free in your feedings. It takes a lot of hard work to get to where you are right now and I commend you for it. Now go give that fabulous baby a big hug!!
it’s as if I was writing this….Because of all the struggles, I decided to exclusively pump, and have been fir 3 months now. My first 2 weren’t so challenging but I just couldn’t take the stress of it all anymore with my third. I am thankful that I am still making milk and she never needed formula but it is hard work (pumping every 4 hrs for 20 min), even after going back to work
Best of luck to you! enjoy your baby whether he is on formula or breastfeeding
i have 2 kids and on the way. i had NO issues with my first, he latched on and never looked back till he was 3-4 months old and then my supply woudnt increseso we went to bottles, he had no problems with this chang, but my daughter WOULD NOT breastfeed!!!!!!! i never once felt like a failure… we tried very hard for 2 months, but i refused to continue on the reason my child needed to eat!!!!! i love these kind of reads! i wish mmre women understood that just because u dont breastfeed DOESNT make u a bad mom!!!!!!! it makes u a better mom to see that as long as ur child is feed and happy, they dont care where the food comes from………. i plan to try with my next child, but if he also doesnt want to feed that way then i will give him a bottle in a heartbeat !!!!!!!!!!!!!
If it any solace, I have two sons whom I nursed for 11 month each. I can’t really remember much about nursing them. Those aren’t the special memories for me. It wasn’t bad or life changingly wonderful. I remember lots of things from their first years, but nursing isn’t really one of those standout memories.
You’re not alone, as you can see from the comments. I had a lot of the same experiences you did–and two years later, Baguette is a happy, healthy little girl. Know that you made the decision that was right for you and your child. If someone else makes a different decision based on what’s right for them and their child, that’s great, but it has nothing to do with you. As I said at the end of this post: http://tragicsandwich.com/2012/06/15/its-not-rat-poison/ “Breast may be best, but formula is fine.”
This makes me feel a whole lot better. I was determind to breastfeed our second child but ended up doing more harm than good. He wouldn’t latch on as often as he should and ended up getting very dehydrated. In the hospital the nurses said that I was doing everything right and never said anything about him not getting enough.
If you are feeding them breastmilk you are breast feeding your child. Too often EP gets bypassed and poo poo’d because you aren’t doing it the “right” way. The “right” way is whatever works for you. I got to six weeks to completely frazzled and terrified of ever impending feed because my nipples hurt so much. Exclusively pumping was liberating easy and my daughter thrived and I could start enjoying her rather than being terrified by her. I really wish in the baby classes it would be presented as a legitimate third option.
Honestly, the important thing is that the baby is being fed.
But I hope people learn from your experience. If you’re planning on breastfeeding, you should make it your primary focus once the baby is born. It’s not as easy and natural as the good folks at La Leche League make it look. With my kids, the milk switch always seemed to go off after my kids started to really become hungry, and that meant offering the breast whenever they stirred or cried, and waking them up to feed them.
To manage that, a new mother needs lots of support: lots of good food, lots of sleep, lots of chances to rest and put your feet up. Doulas are a god-send, and I strongly advocate hiring a doula for a week or two after the baby is born, because chances are, she’ll know more about helping a nursing mother than mothers, sisters, and sisters-in-law.
You’re doing what I suspect so, so many women are quietly doing but are terrified to admit because of the current hoopla about breast is best, etc.
When my friends were having babies (mid 80s) they were practically forced to try to refuse ALL pain relief. Nobody got ANYTHING until they were at 5 centimeters. The pressure was as bad as breastfeeding is today. Tell you s a secret–most women tried to do it naturally and gave up, or some tried one naturally (“just so I can say that I did it”) and had the anesthesiologist lined up ready to go for baby 2.
Funny, the babies born with epidurals or even spinals are librarians, architects, doctors, nurses, lawyers, professors, rabbis, ministers, parents, writers. Somehow they managed to survive being born with pain relief.
It’s all one thing or another. Do what’s right for you and your family and turn out the rest of the world. I did and my kids are absolutely the most awesome human beings on the planet!!!! Well, except for Eli
Oh I am sorry. I had any of the same troubles with my first- including (misdiagnosed) low supply, side preference, suckling w/o getting anything, mastitis, thrush, poor weight gain…..it wasn’t easy with my daughter, but it was so.much.worse. with my son. I hated pumping- every day weeks 5-6 I would cry and swear to be done. But….I mostly bottle fed expressed milk for a few weeks, some nursing….and it got better. Now he’s 2 and still nursing!
Would also add- use that glider!
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. We rocked our first to sleep in hers for 2 years. I’ve nursed and bottle fed……the bond with my kids was the same. IMO the only real advantage was less to clean up with the boob 
. Heresy I know! But to some extent true.
With my son I went through the same experiences as you. I tried and tried but could not get him to latch on and feed. He would scream when I tried to breast feed. I spent hours and hours in tears. I finally ended up pumping till about 6 months, when his activity level made pumping difficult we switched to formula. Between that and the c-section, I felt like a big-o darwin failure.
My daughter latched on within 5 minutes of birth, and 9 months later we are still going strong with feeding. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. The important thing is that your baby is nourished. If you can keep the pumping going for a while, you will provide your Son with a great immune system.
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THANK you so much for sharing this experience. I had (almost) this exact experience with my daughter when she was born. We gave up when she was 4 weeks too. I was miserable trying to make breastfeeding work for us. I too felt like it was robbing me of the joy those first few weeks. She is now a happy little almost 8 month old. I still wish it would have worked out for us, but I have to know that I did what was best for us both.
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