The daddy shall play. As in be the best Mr. Mom ever. As I’ve mentioned in past posts, December is a busy month for me and I travel for work quite a bit to do holiday craft and artisan shows. Nothing too far away, about an hour, to the big ‘ole city of Toronto. (Toronto I miss living in you dearly).
This dad? This one right here? He is more than what I could have ever imagined he would be. As a partner, as a father. Dang, my kids are lucky! (Obviously, me too). Perhaps some moms fret and worry when they have to leave and dad is in charge. Not me. I know they are in the most capable, loving hands I could hope for.
This trip was actually a series of business meetings about some exciting new projects and partnerships that are in the works. It’s all on the DL for now, until the New Year. Although one in particular was in talking with my replacement for the job I had as Social Media Maven for Borealis Records. Told y’all I was going to quit one of my freelance jobs and get off the crazy bus! Yay! Things will still be crazy, just not certifiably so.
It is during these times that I question myself as a mother. With my first, I took the whole year of maternity leave that was permitted to me by the career I had then. Seems like another lifetime…my career is so different now. During that year, my little guy got every waking hour, every ounce of me. Play-dates, long lazy days of just me and him, household chores, cooking, playing…me and him. This is when we lived in the afore mentioned big city and the mister shared office space with some colleagues/friends of his.
Well. As you can surmise…things are much different for Abby. She is going on five months come Christmas and she’s already had numerous over-nights and days away from me. I’m not sure how I feel about that. It’s not a great feeling, that’s for sure. But. My business doing well, being able to co-provide for my children with the potential to live the dream wherein I am my own boss and life is eventually more flexible that way, to the benefit of my children – that DOES feel great.
What a pickle.
Of which I know many moms struggle with. I try to keep that in mind when raking myself across the coals. But it’s hard. Hard when one is having breastfeeding struggles and you just know that every bottle baby has instead of the boobage, feels like another step away from #winning the battle. I make sure to pump frequently when on the road, to keep my supply up as much as possible and to re-build the stash for next time I’m away.
Still. All I’m sayin’ is this stuff is all hard on the heart. It’s on these days that I stare wistfully out the the window and fantasize about taking long strolls through the park, meeting some mama-friends and their babes for a play-date, visiting the farmer’s market, coming home and slow-cooking up something heavenly seasonal, laying on the floor and reading to Abby for hours and snuggling up to nap together. That’s the funny thing about having multiple dreams…they often collide with one another.
Maybe I’ve written about this before, in one way or another. I believe it’s important to hash this sort of stuff out together, us mamas. The more support we garner, as opposed to hating on ourselves? The better. Is this work life balance I’m talking about? Not sure. Being away from my young babies for more than a work-day, over night, a LOT – in the span of a month? Suckage of the highest.