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If I Were Breastfeeding, I Would Have a Hard Time Stopping

Vivi is down to an average of three bottles a day with all the new foods she’s been trying and it hurts that much sooner than later she won’t be taking bottles at all. She gets one before her nap and one before bed and they are the most magical snuggles of the day. She fits so perfectly; we have the perfect rocking chair with the perfect window and most of the time it’s just the two of us curled up rocking and singing together.

I know I can still rock her until she moves away and even then I could still sneak over to her dorm like that lady did in I’ll Love You Forever — I’m sure Vivi’s college roommates wouldn’t think that was creepy at all.

The thing about Vivi having a bottle is that she is still. No other time is she still in my arms. If we’re rocking without a bottle she’s sure I’m hiding something fascinating in my mouth, behind my ears or down my shirt, she never stops moving or exploring. Addie took a binky which calmed her down tremendously, but if Vivi isn’t having a bottle or asleep? She’s on the go, which leads me to believe that if I were nursing I would have a really hard time calling it quits.

Vivi likes Cody and me best. I learned this yesterday at church. Other women would want to hold her but she would always want to be back with us. Not in a snotty, crying, demanding kind of way, just in a “Hey, you guys are the best … let’s hang out with each other rather than these strangers” kind of way. The weeks that I spent (feebly) attempting to nurse were some of my favorites. I had the best excuse in the world to stop whatever I was doing, sit somewhere extremely comfortable and hold my baby as close to me as possible. When my boobs failed me, I treated the bottle the same way I would a boob, never propping it or leaving her alone with it. I held her and I held her close. That kid has been kissed on the face more times with a bottle in her mouth than any other time.

We quit bottles with Addie at one year exactly, which is two months away for Vivi (SOB!) Hopefully she’ll understand mama’s need for a good sturdy snuggle twice a day and cater to my whims accordingly. I never understood why women would want to nurse longer than a year, but today it clicked. Babies are still babies at a year, and after having so much time so close to them … That would be a hard thing to give up.

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