Why Your Kid Probably Won’t Be the Next E-Trade Baby

Admit it, you’ve had this fantasy too.

There you are, minding your own business, strolling with your baby around the grocery store, the mall, or the town dump (don’t judge me) when an important-looking woman in a pencil skirt, spiffy up-do, and sunglasses stops you and declares, “That baby is GORGEOUS! He simply must be in commercials.”

Then, before you know it, you and DroolFace McPoopiePants are flitting across the country via private jet, shooting ads for babyGAP, Evian and E-Trade.

Well… maybe not E-Trade.

The online brokerage house, known in recent years for its famous E-Trade talking baby ads, may be on the verge of dumping its baby spokesperson strategy, Advertising Age recently reported. The ad agency behind the talking baby campaign, Grey Advertising, announced it was resigning the E-Trade account last month, following a change in leadership at E-Trade’s marketing department.

The first E-Trade baby ad appeared during the 2008 Super Bowl, with a baby sitting at a computer, extolling the ease of E-Trade before proceeding to spit up… which makes perfect sense, because who wouldn’t want their investment advice with a side of baby vomit? E-Trade’s spokesbabies have since gone on to hang out in country club locker rooms, mocking golfers, and fly first-class after witnessing bad dancing at a bachelor party.  Hello #FirstWorldBabyProblems.

 

Even if it’s changing agencies, why exactly would E-Trade say bye-bye to babies? According to Ad Age, the company is now looking to specifically target investors with its advertising instead of the baby-ogling mass market.

So brace yourselves, parents daydreaming of baby fame. There will likely be one less company in need of your diapered dude’s star power. Then again, you never know what other business might suddenly up and decide to take up E-Trade’s mantle and hire its own spokesbabies. Heck, I’ll even throw out some suggestions for what babies fronting other brands could say:

  • Kit Kat: “Give me a break…break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. Then save it for about six months until my teeth come in.”
  • Miracle-Gro: “I’m growing fast, but not as fast as Mommy’s azaleas…”
  • Odor-Eaters: “They’re like diapers for your feet!”

Your move, Madison Avenue.

 

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More from Alice:

7 Questionable Parenting Moments From Dr. Seuss

Would You Buy a 100-Year-Old Baby Crib?

One Amazing Real Breast Pump Invention and Six Ideas for More

 

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