In a moment of extreme genius and/or sheer exhaustion, tonight I used a baby wipe to take off my make up. Sure, it’s probably not the greatest for my skin, but you can’t fight with convenience now can you?
And now that I’m eating a lot of chocolate and it’s well past midnight, I am becoming aware of the fact that baby wipes are, in essence, the world’s perfect invention. Think about it! Think of all of the things a humble baby wipe can accomplish! Imagine all the things you could do!
After the jump, my special list of things I’ve done with baby wipes. You should be proud of my ingenuity. I know I am.
1. Clean yo baby’s bottom! Look, I know this one is fairly obvious.
2. Clean bottoms that do not belong to yo baby! Yes yes, when you run out of toilet paper, a baby wipe is much kinder than a napkin.
3. Spot clean your clothes after your Nutella toast gets a little messy.
4. Wipe up spit up. Especially as your baby gets older and the spit up is less milk and more curd? Gross. You need some extra bonus chemicals when that happens.
5. Dust your credenza. This is the only way my credenza gets dusted.
6. Clean your baby’s nose. You need somewhere to shoot those boogs once you’ve successfully cleared air passageways with those boog suckers, don’t you?
7. Wipe down the bathroom when company is coming over and you weren’t expecting to have to do chores for at least another day or so.
8. Sponge bathe your baby on nights when bath time just isn’t happening.
9. Clean up the mess in the fridge after that can of Diet Coke mysteriously exploded the other day.
10. Do you have dogs? Have you ever heard of this thing called a “dingleberry?”
11. Really messy take out cheeseburgers demand really awesome super cleaning napkins. Basically wet naps for red meat.
12. Clean out a particularly gruesome knee scrape.
13. Roll patrol! With one wipe you can tackle the elusive wrist roll, the dreaded behind-the-knee roll, and still have room for entire colonies of neck cheese.
14. Clean off kitchen counter tops.
15. Wipe down Sophie the Giraffe for the millionth time after your dog has snuck her away to his cave under the bed.
16. Achieve super hero status. You know, when your girlfriend’s baby has a blow out and she’s all out of wipes, and you go, “Oh! I have some!” and then just like that you’ve saved the day?
17. Clean spilled pasta sauce off the floor.
18. Wad up three or more to make an impromptu cool compress.
19. Do the dishes. Just kidding.
What else have you used a baby wipe for? Now’s the time to brag.