The Most Bizarre and Inappropriate Baby Gear Ever Sold
Oh, cute! Baby is dressed like a tree… Wait, no, that’s not a tree.
Strippers, marijuana, tattoos, stilettos, girls in string bikinis and sexually transmitted diseases … You’d think I’m describing a party at P-Diddy’s but you would be wrong.
I’m talking about baby gear.
Yep. Really.
This post detailing the most inappropriate toddler gear was so successful (and mind-blowing!) that I decided to compile a list of the weirdest, most inappropriate baby gear ever sold.
I have as good a sense of humor as the next gal, but some of the stuff being marketed to parents for their kids is just straight up crazy. Seriously, you guys, there is some wacky stuff out there.
Some of these products were obviously created by a total nutter, some are just kind of weird, and some are actually not too bad, just a little odd. But I can honestly say I would never purchase a single thing on this list (although if gifted with one or two items, I’d probably try them out). Sit back, relax and take a look at some of the most bizarre and inappropriate baby gear ever sold …
What do you think? Any of these products catching your eye for your little one? Disagree with my assessment? Tell me in the comments!
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The Baby Bikini
Baby bikinis have been written about before on Babble and I have the same reaction every time they cross my radar. NO. Absolutely not. And don't tell me I'm sexualizing the baby because no, the bikini is doing that. What's with the tiny triangles and the little tie sides? Not for my baby, my toddler or even my 10-year-old.
Image: Babikini.com -
Baby Bangs
This one really bothers me. I know it's just hair but people, babies are BEAUTIFUL. Why do we need to put cheap, stupid hair on a baby? Seriously? Who is doing this to their child? I want to go to their home and punch them in the nose.
Image: Babybangs.com -
Baby Perfume
There is nothing, NOTHING, better than a new baby smell. Who wants to cover that up with some stank ass perfume? Seriously, what is the world coming to?
Image: Mimifroufrou -
Stripper Onesie
Inappropriate onesies come as no surprise to me. I've written about them before. Some I find funny, others are just bizarre. This one? Just stupidly inappropriate.
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Tattoos for Babies
On a hunch I googled tattoos for babies and what do you know? Here they are. I guess they're cute-ish. Maybe like a sticker, but still ... tattoos for babies?
Image: Slashgear.com -
Baby Mop
Why not put that lazy, good for nothing, formula-addicted baby to work? Sit back, turn on the soaps and let baby do his thing.
Image: Inventorspot.com -
Drown Your Baby!
Okay not really. And this baby spa actually has tons of positive reviews on Amazon. It keeps your baby warm and upright during bath time. Still. Just like the Creepy Hand Pillow, it just looks bizarre.
Image: Amazon.com -
Bling Binky
What's next? Tricked out grills for baby? This diamond pacifier is $17,000 and touts over 278 pave cut white diamonds totaling 3 carats with a 14K European nickel-free white gold base. Whomever made it should be shot on general principle. And we wonder why people hate Americans. Just gross.
Image: Trendhunter.com -
Diamond Highchair
See this post. Ditto.
Image: Trendhunter.com -
Buggy Scooter
I'm on the fence on this one. Seems cool but it can't be safe, right?
Image: Trendhunter.com Image: Trendhunter.com Image: -
Baby Slippers
So technically this isn't gear for your baby but it is baby gear, so to speak. I had to squeeze this one in ... Just because.
Image: Trendhunter.com -
Stilettos for Baby
These stilettos are heelarious! Not. This product was featured on The Most Inappropriate Gear For Toddlers over on Toddler Times, but because they're specifically for younger babies I had to throw it in the mix here. What is society's obsession with dressing little girls like women?
Image: Heelarious.com -
Baby Marijuana Costume
BrandsonSale.com says, "The baby marijuana plant costume is just the right combo of cute and edgy that is sure to get stares and laughs from everyone." Um ... okay.
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STD Dolls for Baby
Baby fussing? Just hand him the Chlamydia doll to play with. Or maybe HPV? Fun for the whole family!
Image: GiantMicrobes.com -
More Inapproprate Baby Clothes
Found this one on Parenting.com Something for baby to wear to church, perhaps?
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Teddy Bear
Awww, lookit the cute Teddy Bea---. Wait, what does that say? Definitely not something you want to put in baby's crib or a shelf on the wall.
Image: DennisJudd.com -
The Inappropriate Baby Book
It's inappropriate! Says so right on the cover. "The first person you peed on was..." Or what about "The first time I took your rectal temperature?" That's what the book description says it includes. Good idea or kind of gross? You be the judge.
Image: Amazon.com
Mix and match your own styles with these clothing basics for baby!
MORE ON BABBLE:
35 totally hilarious failed baby photo tattoos
10 mortifying things your baby does in public…and 10 “optional” solutions
The 12 creepiest, weirdest baby shower cakes…EVER
20 hysterical photos of judgmental baby judging you
The most age-inappropriate toddler gear (what were they thinking?!)
Am I the only one that doesn’t have a problem with the baby high heels? I saw them on another post of inappropriate baby gear and actually thought they were pretty cute. They are obviously meant to be silly….and not for walking babies (they are completely soft!) I would not buy them for my daughter, though. And that has everything to do with the fact that they are $25 and I cannot justify spending that much on something she will quickly grow out of. However, if someone had gifted them to her, I would not be offended.
I’m liking the buggy scooter and hey, i wish they’d had those baby mop things around when mine were little. Might have to get one for Paul and get him on all fours!
The giant microbes aren’t for babies, I’ve given them as gifts to my science and/or health care industry friends. I think they’re cute! Something tells me that that teddy bear is not for babies, either, I think it was a Valentine gift.
I gave the giant microbes to my OB/GYN for Christmas and he loved them. I agree they are more for Health Care Professionals than children.
The bath tub YES!!!! Tattoo’s NEVER, but I know some one who has been wondering about them.
I love my prince lionheart washpod! It looks like a garbage can, but my son LOVES it! My family made fun of me for registering for it & once I got it, I posted a video of him in it on facebook…three of my cousins went out & got the same one for their babies, who also love it! I wish they made it bigger so he could use it longer…he’s 5 months old and is outgrowing it!
the babymop was on Raising Hope I thought it was funny…..
Do they make that mop for cats? Lol. That would be awesome! And I didn’t think th stilettos were so bad, or even the temp tattoos. Kinda cute.
I would not buy any of the baby tattoos you had pictured up there but my little one when she was 2 LOVED the Lisa Frank tattoos and would be covered with them. She loves them she is happy with them. They just take for ever to get them off! I also would have used the Baby belly bath. I first seen them while my husband was stationed in the Netherlands 11 years ago. When we came back state side I could not find them. There is nothing else on this list I would use or buy for others.
I think that who ever is coming up with the ideas for baby gear is either not all there in the head or they don’t have kids. Yea my son now wears fake tattoos but he’s 3 1/2 years old. He’s not a baby.. the things on this list are ridiculous.
The babymop is all kinds of awesome. Two Birds/One Stone.
The STD dolls aren’t even meant for children…they are for adults as a gag gift same for the mop and bear…perhaps you should do a little research before throwing random stuff on your list.
My daughter loved her cold virus plush (basically a blue nubbly ball with eyes), although I wish we’d gotten her mono since it’s cuter (same shape but pink with kissing lips). I think baby #2 will need to have a syphilis plush because it entertains me so much.
Who the hell is making this stuff .. were they high when they made it .. ??
I have a 2 year old grand daughter and a 11 mth old grandson and there mother and father would never put that on them.and I would never aloud them to were that.there r too mine previous out there.can’t spell very well but I’m sure you no what I’m saying.not a good ideal to put that kind of clothes on children.at any age.
I think that the string bikini is darling. That would be the only thing I would give a second thought too.
dana, i hope your kidding
lol. I cant believe you said ‘Stank Ass Perfume’ …
Wow, you might need to find a sense of humor! I may not agree with all of them, but I think they are mostly meant to be funny.
These are all ridiculous. But, I’m not sure if they are meant to be taken seriously. I do know a photographer friend who used a baby tattoo on her baby during a photo shoot and it was adorable and fitting for the scene she created. It was funny! I also don’t see the fuss over the baby bikini’s but I’m in the minority, I know. I won’t allow my 10 year old to wear a bikini but my toddler wears a tankini every year. They are cute and fit her better. She is very long wasted and it’s terribly hard to find a once piece that fits her correctly. I’d rather see a tasteful two piece, than put her in something uncomfortable.
I dunno, some of these don’t seem that bad to me, and some of those I don’t think are really meant for children necessarily. They sell those virus stuffed animals at my campus bookstore,and I thought they were hilarious. I kinda feel that by being so harsh with your judgment of these really silly and unimportant things, you’re just perpetuating the unfair judgment and criticism of others’ parenting choices. I mean, in the end, how much of these things really matter?
The million dollar binky and the high chair are not ment for us normal income making people, so I wouldn’t even worry about them. They are for socialites to give their frenemies when they have babies. I wouldn’t even give those a second thought. There are people who can afford those as easily as I can afford a pack of gum, so they can buy whatever they want. It’s the thought that counts-and that goes for rich people too IMO.
I know as a mother of a daughter, I am supposed to hate the bikini and the high heels, but I don’t. Would I put them on my daughter? Probably not-but if I saw a baby in it I would giggle and think it was cute.
I think the teddy bear is a joke for adults.
I dunno, some of these don’t seem so bad, and then some of those I don’t think are necessarily meant for children anyway. The virus dolls are sold at my college bookstore, and I thought they were hilarious (and they aren’t limited to STDs either). I sort of feel that all this harsh judgment on these really silly things just perpetuates the unfair judgment and criticism of others’ parenting choices. I mean, in the end, how many of these things really matter?
I think the baby tattoo would be cute for halloween. Like a little biker baby or something.
Dang, sorry for the double post. I wish there was a way to delete on here.
Ok, the scooter stroller is awesome! The big baby bath bucket looks like it needs some holes at a certain level so it can’t be overfilled. The rest is mostly just disgusting.
Haha you are hilarious! I love your captions and no sh*t, you’re right on with them.
Very cute blog. I love the bikini. My toddler has always worn a mixture of bikinis and one piece swimsuits. We picked them out based on how cute they looked. People leave their toddlers in just those swimmy diapers all the time. We also love the high heel slipper shoes. They are not for walking. They are a novelty.
Thanks for you blog. I have a great time reading it.
I thought most of it was funny except the marijuana costume ! But where would the poop and pee go in that bikini? LOL
the tasteless onsies always bothered me, they are not even close to being cute or funny and ive seen much worse… the baby slippers are disturbing, the thought of looking down and stepping on babies, even fake ones, gave me the chills! fake baby hair???? WTH??
As for the diamond encrusted bling gear, I would bet beyonce has all that for Blue lol
okay i’m with you until the microbe plushes. we used to sell them in my gift shop (in a hospital) and they come in many other things besides STD’s. those actually sell best in colleges. go figure. think more along the lines of red blood cells and the cold virus.
I don’t think I am uptight and have in fact had a laugh or two at my boys expense while they were very young. BUT there are lines…and they should NOT be crossed. A lot of this is pure stupidity at it’s finest!!!! WTG moms of this new era…can’t wait to see how these kids grow up….now that is scary!!!!
I have a bigger problem with the bead necklace then the bikini.
I bought my son a Chicken Pox plush virus for Christmas. He keeps it on his desk, and says they are quite popular with his fellow graduate students studying for their Masters in Public Health. As his Mom, *I* wouldn’t give him one of the STD’s, but I can imagine some of his friends — or even siblings — doing so. And I could imagine giving a friend with a baby some of the others (not the STDs). They are a nice size for toddler hands. Sold at ThinkGeek.com, one of my favorite websites for shopping for my adult kids.
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I used a baby perfurme by Johnson & Johnson and by JAFRA it contains zero alcohol and it basically water … my daughter smelled nice and clean everyday <3
I used a baby perfurme by Johnson & Johnson and by JAFRA it contains zero alcohol and its basically just water , my daughter smelled nice and clean everyday.
I have a 8 month old and her first bathing suit was a 2 piece like the one shown everyone loved it and was a big hit for my 3 month old nothing wrong I have problems with 12- 16 wearing them cause they have stuff to look at baby and kids don’t making Iit just adorable. Pot costume I would have done just for laughs my sister is cop would have found it funny. But t there is nothing wrong with gag gifts our just things to make people take a second look .. Just kent to be funny
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I have a 8 month old and her first bathing suit was a 2 piece like the one shown everyone loved it and was a big hit for my 3 month old nothing wrong I have problems with 12- 16 wearing them cause they have stuff to look at baby and kids don’t making Iit just adorable. Pot costume I would have done just for laughs . But t there is nothing wrong with gag gifts our just things to make people take a second look .. Just kent to be funny
s
I have a 8 month old and her first bathing suit was a 2 piece like the one shown everyone loved it and was a big hit for my 3 month old nothing wrong I have problems with 12- 16 wearing them cause they have stuff to look at baby and kids don’t making Iit just adorable.
s
As a non-American, I don’t mean to judge, but couldn’t help being appalled at all of these, for different reasons-hypersexualization of kids is so hurtful, diamond stuff for babies is SHOCKING, can’t help myself, the baby slippers made me feel like the man was stepping on and crushing newborns, gross!
Thanks for posting this, so thought-provoking, but one question remains: who buys these things???????????