CoolSculpting: Like Lipo Without The Knife?

It’s always in pictures that I notice it. This little pucker here, that little extra pooch there — there’s something about the unforgiving nature of being frozen in time under bad lighting that always gets the best of my nit-pickiness and causes me to never wear THAT shirt or THOSE pants ever again.

So when the team at Motykie Med Spa offered to make over my pregnancy-worn abdomen with CoolSculpting, I would have basically had to be insane to turn it down. I mean, I’m hypothyroid, and I’ve had to battle weight the hard way for a long time, so when someone tells me they are going to freeze the fat off through my skin and IT WILL NEVER COME BACK, I shut up and listen.

Here’s the deal: You are born with the same number of fat cells you die with. Those cells stretch as you gain weight, but they don’t multiply. If you remove those fat cells altogether, then they will no longer be there to expand and fill with fat, thus the problem area is solved! This is why people like Liposuction. But liposuction requires surgery, and sometimes people die in surgery (I’m not even being extreme — didn’t you see Clueless?). Enter CoolSculpting, an FDA-approved non-invasive method of killing and eliminating fat cells by freezing them until they die and pass out of your body. A series of two treatments is recommended per area, and they traditionally run from $750-$1500 per treatment.

(Yes, there’s a catch. If you gain extreme amounts of weight after removing those fat cells you will just get EVEN FATTER in the parts of your body where you did not remove the fat cells resulting in new problem areas. Moral of the story? Don’t gain tons of weight after you remove fat cells or you will look weird.)

SO, since this belly is soon going to be a thing of the past, I guess I’ll cast my modesty aside and show you what this process looks (and feels) like, no holds barred. It’s not for the faint of heart. But it is pretty science-y and awesome. [If you are a dude who knows me, you better not click one single click through this slideshow or I will pretend I don't know what you're talking about if you ever bring this up in real life.]

  • It was just slightly too uncomfortable to actually live-blog. 1 of 19
    CoolTitle

    I wanted to live-blog the experience for you, but while CoolSculpting isn't unbearable, it's no walk in the park either, so I found myself only comfortable enough to take a few photos and complain to my friends online.

  • Welcome To The Jungle 2 of 19
    Motykie

    Right on the Sunset Strip!

  • The Miracle Machine? 3 of 19
    Cool1

    That's one hell of a vacuum.

  • Circling The Fat 4 of 19
    CirclingTheFat

    I'm just as embarrassed about sharing this as you are looking at it. I'm sorry. Also, print this out if you want to show your daughters what those cute little abdominal tattoos and navel piercings will look like after a pregnancy. 

     

    The lines actually mean something. They created a target for the lovely Tricia to aim for and showed me what I could expect to see eliminated. Ugh, that tattoo is just awful.

  • Ready? 5 of 19
    Machine

    That's the "large" attachment for my abdomen, and yes -- a boppy which would be used to keep me warm around the freezing part of my middle. 

     

  • Looking Into The Mouth Of the Beast 6 of 19
    HereItComes

    Your "stubborn fat" gets sucked into the machine, clamped down on, and frozen to death. No literally. You become a block of ice, and when you thaw out, your fat cells are dead. Your skin is somehow unscathed, but your nerves are frozen and the thawing process is definitely worth noting. It blows.

  • 60 minutes on the clock — Here we go! 7 of 19
    CoolSculpting

    I took a deep breath and hoped for a nap. Instead I mostly whined via text message for the next hour. The first ten minutes are rough while your nerves are freezing, and then it's mostly smooth sailing. I found the last few minutes increasingly uncomfortable, although I'm not sure why ... perhaps just anxiety.

  • Claustrophobics Beware 8 of 19
    CoolInAction

    In order to perform CoolSculpting on my abdomen, the machine was placed just above my hip bones. I don't normally get claustrophobic, but I did have a moment of "OMG, I am really stuck here" before I was able to relax.

     

    Warning, the next photo is really gross.

  • "Like a Frozen Stick Of Butter" 9 of 19
    FrozenPouch

    Don't say I didn't warn you. TOTALLY GROSS. Ugh, I'm so queasy just looking at it to write this caption. I had no idea what I was in for in the aftermath department until my friend Jill, a CoolSculpting veteran, warned me in a Facebook conversation, "Wait until they take it off and it's like you've got a frozen stick of butter stuck to the front of you."

     

    I had to look away, but Tricia, who performed the procedure, was kind enough to snap a shot for us. (Please note, that weird wrinkly stuff is not my skin; it's the gel patch they applied beforehand to protect my skin. It peeled right off once I thawed out.) Okay, barf break.

  • I Can’t Believe I’m Sharing This Picture 10 of 19
    WorstPicture

    But the first one didn't really do justice to what I'm trying to eliminate, and well ... this one does. That's how the "frozen stick of butter" looked about five minutes later. It thawed and I wanted to rip my skin off while that was happening, but once it was done (about 5 or ten minutes after this), I was fine.

  • The Aftermath… 11 of 19
    iStock_000015065189XSmall1

    No, I'm totally kidding, that's not even a little bit me. It takes 8-10 weeks to see your complete results, so I'll have to check back with you then for my official "after photos". In the meantime, I'm surprised by how sore and itchy my belly is as my nerves come back to life, but I don't really care because I'm pretty sure banishing fat cells forever is gonna be worth it. DIE FAT CELLS DIE! YOU CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE!

     

    Okay, sorry. If you want to see real people's results, they're next.

  • Actual Before and Afters 12 of 19
    Krause-Jill-20120711091311980-201211191125327911

    My friend Jill did CoolSculpting about a year ago, and her results were amazing. These doctor's office photos don't really do it justice; you should go check out her personal before and afters to see how awesome she looks in normal lighting.

     

    Image courtesy of Jill Krause/BabyRabies.com

  • Clinical Results, Dr. Leyda E. Bowes, MD 13 of 19
    patient-two-image-one

    8 WEEKS AFTER
    COOLSCULPTING® TREATMENT

    Procedure by Leyda E. Bowes, MD

    (-6 pounds)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

  • Clinical Results: Dr. Kathleen Welsh, MD 14 of 19
    patient-one-image-one

    8 WEEKS AFTER
    COOLSCULPTING® TREATMENT

    Procedure by Kathleen Welsh, MD

    (no weight change)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

  • Clinical Results, Grant Stevens, MD 15 of 19
    patient-eight-image-one

    12 WEEKS AFTER SECOND 
    COOLSCULPTING TREATMENT

    Procedure by Grant Stevens, MD

    (-4 pounds)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

  • Clinical Results, Flor Mayoral, MD 16 of 19
    patient-seven-image-one

    12 WEEKS AFTER FIRST 
    COOLSCULPTING TREATMENT

    12 WEEKS AFTER SECOND 
    COOLSCULPTING TREATMENT

    Procedure by Flor A. Mayoral, MD

    (+3.5 pounds original weight)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

  • Clinical Results, Edward Becker MD 17 of 19
    patient-five-image-one

    BEFORE, 8 WEEKS AFTER FIRST COOLSCULPTING TREATMENT, 9 WEEKS AFTER SECOND COOLSCULPTING TREATMENT

    Procedure by Edward Becker, MD

    (No weight change)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

  • Clinical Results, John Fasano, MD 18 of 19
    patient-four-image-one

    16 WEEKS AFTER
    COOLSCULPTING® TREATMENT

    Procedure by John B. Fasano, MD

    (No weight change)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

  • Clinical Results, Dr. John B. Fasano, MD 19 of 19
    patient-three-image-one

    16 WEEKS AFTER
    COOLSCULPTING® TREATMENT

    Procedure by John B. Fasano, MD

    (No weight change)

     

    Images courtesy of CoolSculpting.com

If you’re in L.A., you can visit the Motykie Med Spa and mention The818.com for 20% off a single procedure through December 31, 2013. That’s a really good deal if you noted the prices above…

[Now is probably a good time to thank Motykie Med Spa for providing me with the CoolSculpting procedure. Thanks MMS!]

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