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20 Tell-Tale Signs You've Become a Health Food Nut

gwyneth-made-me-do-it-logophotoThose of us who are really into this whole healthy eating thing, I’ll admit, tend to get a little obsessive. Some may even call us crazy! We try to play the cool card and pretend like we’re okay letting a little junk food fly, but we die a little inside each time our child eats a Cheeto. For the most part I’m pretty dang proud of the drastic changes we’ve made to our eating habits and proudly let my freak flag fly. But every now and then, I catch myself saying or thinking something, and even I have to roll my eyes at myself, and wonder, “Who have I become?!” To prove that we don’t take ourselves too seriously, I compiled a little list of 20 tell-tale signs that you just may be a health food nut. If you can nod in agreement to just a few of these, you dabble in the art of healthy eating and are doing just fine, but if you nod your head yes to the majority of them, you probably need an intervention.

20 Tell-Tale Signs You’ve Become a Health Food Nut:

1. You think it’s funny that people are still finding it necessary to phonetically spell quinoa (“KEEN-wah”). Isn’t this pretty much common knowledge by now?

2. You’ve spent more time researching the safety of GMOs than you did researching which college to go to.

3. Once again, you can’t believe your good fortune in being born in California, one of the few states where it’s legal to sell raw milk at the grocery store.

4. You squeal with delight when you find out your local Whole Foods will begin selling Kombucha on tap, and the icing on the cake — it comes in very hip and cool brown glass bottles.

5. Your kids write soliloquies about fast food restaurant chicken nuggets, they miss them so much.

6. You seriously consider putting your house up for sale when you discover, to your utter disappointment, that you cannot keep backyard chickens in your neighborhood. The injustice of it all.

7. You seriously consider putting your house up for sale anyhow, because the price you’re spending on pastured eggs is going to make you go broke.

8. You own 20 different types of flour, including 10 gluten-free flour options,and several different types of whole-wheat flours. Your spouse has nightmares that he is buried beneath a huge pile of flour.

9. You have to take deep yoga breaths when your in-laws come to visit and bring Chik-fil-A as a treat for the kids. You repeat to yourself, “At least it’s not a happy meal … at least it’s not a happy meal.”

10. You take part in 5 different produce CSAs, go to the farmers market on the regular, and you still seem to run out of produce. You have nightmares that you turn into a giant bunch of kale.

11. You’re sure that your toddler son’s lasting childhood memory will be all the trips to Sprouts Farmers Market, an almost daily occurrence. You wonder why you are always running out of coconut oil at the most inopportune time.

12. The day you found out Target carries Applegate at an affordable price will forever live on as one of the best moments of 2013.

13. You find yourself harshly critiquing so called “healthy” cookbooks. For example, upon reading in Giada’s new book, that she carries packets of agave nectar in her purse, you think to yourself: “Agave? That is so 2012! Everyone knows it’s just another form of overly processed sugar. Really, what was she thinking?”

14. You get irrationally defensive when you read or hear people refer to things like “eating locally” or “in-season” as trendy buzzwords.

15. Your Instagram feed is filled with one post after another of healthy green juices.

16. Friends have sent you this Portlandia clip and this Gwyneth Paltrow article, and you don’t get the joke.

17. You go on a wild goose chase to find white chia seeds so your homemade chia pods will look prettier.

18. You contemplate writing to the school principal, asking her to put a ban on all sugary sweet junk food for school parties. Yes, you have become “that” parent.

19. You start to feel a flutter of panic when you realize you’re running out of kale. No kale juice, no massaged kale salads?!?

20. You dress your toddler in kale gear.

Us health food nuts are a really passionate bunch, and while we do indeed have an obesity epidemic in this country, with 1 in 3 Americans overweight or obese, I find that at times, I need to step back a bit and put things into perspective. For every meal or processed treat we label as toxic, some family is struggling to put food on the table — currently 20% of American households lack food security. I compiled this little list to serve as a reminder to not take myself too seriously. I’ll still continue on my health food nut path, but let this list serve to keep me humble and appreciative for the options and choices I have when it comes to buying and cooking healthy meals for my family on a daily basis.

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