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The Worst Celebrity Baby Names


  • Tu Morrow 1 of 33
    Tu Morrow
    (Rob Morrow)
    You just know that this name came up during a drunken pre-conception conversation. The tragedy is, they never thought of a better one. We just hope the kid likes that song from Annie, because people will be serenading her with it forever.
  • Zuma Nesta Rock 2 of 33
    Zuma Nesta Rock
    (Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
    Sure, "Zuma" is the name of a beach in a Malibu. That's lovely. But it's also a computer game. And the diminutive form of a term for a bad gastrointestinal condition. And, for anyone who remembers the '90s, a much-mocked malt beverage. No, wait — that was Zima.
  • Moxie Crimefighter 3 of 33
    Moxie Crimefighter
    (Penn Jillette)
    Job descriptions just don't work as proper names. And what are the odds that she'll actually grow up to be a crimefighter? Slim.
  • Pilot Inspektor 4 of 33
    Pilot Inspektor
    (Jason Lee)
    Speaking of job descriptions — Pilot Inspektor isn't even a real job. Neither is Pilot Inspector, for that matter. Plane Inspector is a real job, but that's like two steps above DMV worker in
    the glamour department.
  • Kal-El 5 of 33
    Kal-El
    (Nicolas Cage)
    Do celebrities actually think their children have superpowers? Sometimes we wonder.
  • Bogart Che Peyote 6 of 33
    Bogart Che Peyote
    (Reality star David "Puck" Rainey)
    Using the names of revolutionaries and drugs in your kid's name is one thing. Using the common term for slobbering all over that joint you won't share is quite another.
  • Fifi Trixiebell 7 of 33
    Fifi Trixiebell
    (Bob Geldof and Paula Yates)
    Didn't Paris Hilton use this name for one of her little dogs? Bob and Paula didn't hold back with their other two daughters either: Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie.
  • Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily 8 of 33
    Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily
    (Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence)
    New dad, same Paula Yates baby name madness ... in fact, this one might be the worst of all.
  • Audio Science 9 of 33
    Audio Science
    (Shannyn Sossamon)
    Sounds like it would have been a really cool class to take in college. As a name, though ...
  • Princess Tiaamii 10 of 33
    Princess Tiaamii
    (Katie "Jordan" Price)
    Someday this little girl will realize she is not in fact a princess, and all the extra vowels in the world won't be able to cushion the blow.
  • Prince Michael II/”Blanket” 11 of 33
    Prince Michael II/"Blanket"
    (Michael Jackson)
    See above. Luckily, MJ atoned for his choice of moniker by nicknaming the kid "Blanket," a name no one could ever possibly find fault with.
  • Jermajesty 12 of 33
    Jermajesty
    (Jermaine Jackson)
    Bad puns and awkward plays on language really should just be avoided at all costs. "Jermajesty" sounds like the name of a really bad self-produced hip-hop album.
  • Apple 13 of 33
    Apple
    (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)
    It almost doesn't seem fair to make fun of this, especially when considered against names like "Princess Tiaamii" and "Audio Science." But still. Fruit? Fruit just isn't creative. Vegetables, on the other hand ... "Zucchini" would be a kinda cute name. Also, speaking of punny names ...
    apple martini, anyone?
  • Denim 14 of 33
    Denim
    (Toni Braxton)
    "Polyester," "Suede," and "Poly-Blend" aren't good names for children; neither is Denim.
  • Diezel 15 of 33
    Diezel
    (Toni Braxton)
    Seriously? You want to name your kid after fossil fuels?
  • Banjo 16 of 33
    Banjo
    (Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor)
    This is possibly the worst musical instrument to name your kid after — with the exception of “tuba.”
  • Sage Moonblood 17 of 33
    Sage Moonblood
    (Sylvester Stallone)
    "Sage" is a beautiful name, but "Sage Moonblood"? Sounds like the kind of "natural" feminine hygiene product sold in stores that also deal hemp and patchouli.
  • Speck Wildhorse 18 of 33
    Speck Wildhorse
    (John Cougar Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin)
    "Speck" — short for "Special"? "Spectator"? "Speculum"?
  • Pirate 19 of 33
    Pirate
    (Korn frontman Jonathan Davis and porn-star wife Deven)
    There's probably no better way to guarantee that your child become an accountant than to
    name him "Pirate."
  • Rebel 20 of 33
    Rebel
    (Robert Rodriguez)
    This famous director also has three more sons named Racer, Rogue, and Rocket. Suggested names for Robert Rodriguez's next child: "Rapscallion," "Rabble-Rouser," "Racketteer," and "Rock 'Em
    Sock 'Em Robot."
  • Seven 21 of 33
    Seven
    (Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu)
    Numbers as names: Why? To what does the number refer? Why not six? Why not eight?
    SEVEN WHAT?
  • Harley Quinn 22 of 33
    Harley Quinn
    (Kevin Smith)
    Our theory: Kevin Smith is covering up his secret love of romance novels by making everyone think his daughter is named after the Batman villain. Can’t fool us, Silent Bob!
  • Camera 23 of 33
    Camera
    (Arthur Ashe)
    "Camera" is so generic. Why not "Nikon"? Or "Canon"?
  • Free 24 of 33
    Free
    (Barbara Hershey and David Carradine)
    If this kid's middle name is Willy ... (Note: "Free" later changed his name to Timothy)
  • Kyd 25 of 33
    Kyd
    (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
    Doesn't this just invite people to speculate that you, as parents, a) just didn't care enough to actually name your kid and b) can't spell?
  • Satchel 26 of 33
    Satchel
    (Woody Allen and Mia Farrow)
    Why not just go ahead and name your kid “manpurse”? It's no wonder Satchel later changed his name to Ronan...
  • Mars Merkaba 27 of 33
    Mars Merkaba
    (Erykah Badu and Jay Electronica)
    Aren’t men, not little girls, supposed to be from Mars? And if there’s any question about her apparent alien heritage, her middle name confirms it.
  • Buddy Bear 28 of 33
    Buddy Bear
    (Jamie Oliver)
    Jamie's other kids are named Petal Blossom Rainbow, Daisy Boo, and Poppy Honey — he does know his kids will eventually grow up and lead adult lives, right?
  • Diva Thin Muffin 29 of 33
    Diva Thin Muffin
    (Frank Zappa)
    As if girls didn’t already have enough pressures that lead to possible eating disorders ...
  • Dweezil 30 of 33
    Dweezil
    (Frank Zappa)
    Oh good, a combination of "dweeb" and "weasel" — that is a bully-proof name for sure.
  • Moon Unit 31 of 33
    Moon Unit
    (Frank Zappa)
    Think there might be a good science lesson in here somewhere?
  • Bronx Mowgli 32 of 33
    Bronx Mowgli
    (Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz)
    It’s like some bad Disney remake of the Jungle Book where Mowgli somehow transports to New York and must learn how to survive in the urban jungle — we can see it now ...
  • Hero 33 of 33
    Hero
    (Myleene Klass)
    Well, at least Myleene had the feminist good sense not to name her “Heroine,” which might have some other undesirable connotations ...

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