The Worst Celebrity Baby Names
Cautionary tales, from Audio Science to Zuma Nesta Rock.
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Tu Morrow
(Rob Morrow)
You just know that this name came up during a drunken pre-conception conversation. The tragedy is, they never thought of a better one. We just hope the kid likes that song from Annie, because people will be serenading her with it forever. -
Zuma Nesta Rock
(Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
Sure, "Zuma" is the name of a beach in a Malibu. That's lovely. But it's also a computer game. And the diminutive form of a term for a bad gastrointestinal condition. And, for anyone who remembers the '90s, a much-mocked malt beverage. No, wait — that was Zima. -
Moxie Crimefighter
(Penn Jillette)
Job descriptions just don't work as proper names. And what are the odds that she'll actually grow up to be a crimefighter? Slim. -
Pilot Inspektor
(Jason Lee)
Speaking of job descriptions — Pilot Inspektor isn't even a real job. Neither is Pilot Inspector, for that matter. Plane Inspector is a real job, but that's like two steps above DMV worker in
the glamour department. -
Kal-El
(Nicolas Cage)
Do celebrities actually think their children have superpowers? Sometimes we wonder. -
Bogart Che Peyote
(Reality star David "Puck" Rainey) Using the names of revolutionaries and drugs in your kid's name is one thing. Using the common term for slobbering all over that joint you won't share is quite another.
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Fifi Trixiebell
(Bob Geldof and Paula Yates)
Didn't Paris Hilton use this name for one of her little dogs? Bob and Paula didn't hold back with their other two daughters either: Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie. -
Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily
(Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence)
New dad, same Paula Yates baby name madness ... in fact, this one might be the worst of all. -
Audio Science
(Shannyn Sossamon)
Sounds like it would have been a really cool class to take in college. As a name, though ... -
Princess Tiaamii
(Katie "Jordan" Price)
Someday this little girl will realize she is not in fact a princess, and all the extra vowels in the world won't be able to cushion the blow. -
Prince Michael II/"Blanket"
(Michael Jackson)
See above. Luckily, MJ atoned for his choice of moniker by nicknaming the kid "Blanket," a name no one could ever possibly find fault with. -
Jermajesty
(Jermaine Jackson)
Bad puns and awkward plays on language really should just be avoided at all costs. "Jermajesty" sounds like the name of a really bad self-produced hip-hop album. -
Apple
(Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)
It almost doesn't seem fair to make fun of this, especially when considered against names like "Princess Tiaamii" and "Audio Science." But still. Fruit? Fruit just isn't creative. Vegetables, on the other hand ... "Zucchini" would be a kinda cute name. Also, speaking of punny names ...
apple martini, anyone? -
Denim
(Toni Braxton)
"Polyester," "Suede," and "Poly-Blend" aren't good names for children; neither is Denim. -
Diezel
(Toni Braxton)
Seriously? You want to name your kid after fossil fuels? -
Banjo
(Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor)
This is possibly the worst musical instrument to name your kid after — with the exception of tuba. -
Sage Moonblood
(Sylvester Stallone)
"Sage" is a beautiful name, but "Sage Moonblood"? Sounds like the kind of "natural" feminine hygiene product sold in stores that also deal hemp and patchouli. -
Speck Wildhorse
(John Cougar Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin)
"Speck" — short for "Special"? "Spectator"? "Speculum"? -
Pirate
(Korn frontman Jonathan Davis and porn-star wife Deven)
There's probably no better way to guarantee that your child become an accountant than to
name him "Pirate." -
Rebel
(Robert Rodriguez)
This famous director also has three more sons named Racer, Rogue, and Rocket. Suggested names for Robert Rodriguez's next child: "Rapscallion," "Rabble-Rouser," "Racketteer," and "Rock 'Em
Sock 'Em Robot." -
Seven
(Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu)
Numbers as names: Why? To what does the number refer? Why not six? Why not eight?
SEVEN WHAT? -
Harley Quinn
(Kevin Smith)
Our theory: Kevin Smith is covering up his secret love of romance novels by making everyone think his daughter is named after the Batman villain. Cant fool us, Silent Bob! -
Camera
(Arthur Ashe)
"Camera" is so generic. Why not "Nikon"? Or "Canon"? -
Free
(Barbara Hershey and David Carradine)
If this kid's middle name is Willy ... (Note: "Free" later changed his name to Timothy) -
Kyd
(David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
Doesn't this just invite people to speculate that you, as parents, a) just didn't care enough to actually name your kid and b) can't spell? -
Satchel
(Woody Allen and Mia Farrow)
Why not just go ahead and name your kid manpurse? It's no wonder Satchel later changed his name to Ronan... -
Mars Merkaba
(Erykah Badu and Jay Electronica)
Arent men, not little girls, supposed to be from Mars? And if theres any question about her apparent alien heritage, her middle name confirms it. -
Buddy Bear
(Jamie Oliver)
Jamie's other kids are named Petal Blossom Rainbow, Daisy Boo, and Poppy Honey — he does know his kids will eventually grow up and lead adult lives, right? -
Diva Thin Muffin
(Frank Zappa)
As if girls didnt already have enough pressures that lead to possible eating disorders ... -
Dweezil
(Frank Zappa)
Oh good, a combination of "dweeb" and "weasel" — that is a bully-proof name for sure. -
Moon Unit
(Frank Zappa)
Think there might be a good science lesson in here somewhere? -
Bronx Mowgli
(Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz)
Its like some bad Disney remake of the Jungle Book where Mowgli somehow transports to New York and must learn how to survive in the urban jungle — we can see it now ... -
Hero
(Myleene Klass)
Well, at least Myleene had the feminist good sense not to name her Heroine, which might have some other undesirable connotations ... -
Next Gallery
I don’t know what the big deal is..I’ll take any of those over Bill, Bob or Tom.As far as the kids being teased when they are older, that usually happens to geeky kids, and it’s usually their equally geeky parents, that are afraid of them being teased, because they grew up being so uncool themselves.Most celebrities have natural swagger, and I’m sure this will be passed on genetically to their kids..so getting teased at school..blah, whatever, they will be too cool for that.
Ugh. They’re all pretty dang bad. However, Tu Morrow is a girl. Tu Simone.
Thanks coolteam — fixing it now!
I heard a rumor that Andre/Eryka’s son is named Seven because it can never be divided by two.
Seven can be divided by two – it is 3.5. Apparently they don’t believe in fractions?
God abhors vacuums and fractions!Apple is a horrible name! I can’t warm to it in any way and I don’t hate most of the weird names. It just doesn’t sound pretty. At least Audio sounds like Mario. Am I weird that I really love Camera? Not that I would name my child that. It just sounds nice when you say it out loud. Zuma is pretty bad too. It sounds like a annoying plastic toy or a bad lifestyle website.
Jeez!! Apple and Moses should not even be on this list based on the insanity of the other names. I feel bad now for thinking bad things of their mommy and daddy. This list makes Demi and Bruce appear normal with the names they picked. The thing is….I have known people with odd names. As an example, I had a friend named “Trophy”…. after a month of saying it, it is like Lisa or something, not a bid deal. However, I do wonder what the maturity level is of these “celebrity” parents? Are they trying to get attention? Like they need any more attention? Is noting in life serious for them? It just shows how “out of touch” with the real world and very immature most of these people are!!
The Korn frontman is Jonathan Davis and his wife is Deven. You spelled Pirate correctly however.
Blue Angel is what we used to call it as kids when you lit your fart with a lighter.
I know I’m waaay in the minority here, but I actually like the name Apple — the sound of it, and the connotation. Still, it’s one of those names that you worry will shape the kid’s destiny. The honorable Judge Apple Martin? Senator Apple Martin? I guess it’s better than most of the other ones on the list.As for Moses: love it. Mose Martin is a kickass name.
Don’t forget Jonathan Davis’ other son Zeppelin.
I like the name Apple too. As for Zuma, my grandmother was named Zuma by her German immigrant parents in the 1920s. However they changed her name to Celeste in the first few years of her life.
This about sums it up for me… http://www.youjustmademylist.com/?p=511
Zuman is the name of the new President of South Africa. Maybe that is who they named him or her, whatever it is, after. I like Nestea though. Maybe htey got a kickback for product placement on that one. Peanut is the dumbest name ever. Those morons think they are the ONLY people in the world who called their fetus “peanut”? Every freaking body calls their fetus peanut. Camaro is a nice name. Nice car too.
haven’t you seen seinfeld? seven was mickey mantle’s number.
Funny list… although the comment about Calico… I think it’s distasteful to talk about your cat DYING.. these are real people here and while talking about their name is like slowing down to look at a car accident any talk of dying is not classy…
I’m guilty of liking the name Apple too. And she’s got a bunch of normal middle names so she can go by A. Blythe Martin if she wants. The Naked Chef dude named his kids Poppy and Daisy, I think, plus odd middle names. Why doesn’t he ever get mentioned in these lists. And, yes, Poppy and Daisy are just flowers, but Apple? That’s a blossom and a fruit, but kind of a biggie one — old testament and all.Oh, and Bindi Sue, the dead croc guy’s daughter? That’s on a par with Apple.In terms of names of senators and judges, let us not forget names like Thurogood (sp), Lindsay (Graham). Also, I saw a report recently on a Colorado legislator whose name is Bunny or Buffy or something. So, you know, names aren’t actually a deal-breaker.
People don’t fuss over Poppy and Daisy because they are both actual names. Poppy is unusual, but Daisy is actually pretty common in the UK. And I, for one, wouldn’t have a problem with Apple Martin as a name if it didn’t sound so much like Apple Martini. Because nothing is classier than naming your kid after a trendy mixed drink.
Inspektor is a very old and respected Hungarian Jewish name. maybe Penn Jillette or the child’s mother have a Hungarian Jewish grandfather or great-grandfather?Pilot, on the other hand….
The list looses all credibility in my view for not including Frank Zappa’s kids, Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan and Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen. Ahmet is fine, but the rest…
I seriously don’t understand this compulsion to diss’ celebrity’s baby names. Especially Apple. What is the big freakin’ deal that she named her kid after a fruit? People love names like Rain and Leaf and River and Cherry… and Apple. Sounds fine to me.
The American actress Gretchen Mol has a son named Ptolemy. This name just smacks of intellectual pretense.Sometimes legit names suck, too. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett named their children Willow and Jaden in honour of themselves. Now that is ego.
Naming always was a difficult task, because parents understand, that the name will follow their offspring all the life. Names for babies have their fashions too. There were waves of Slavic and Hispanic names, and now aristocratic, or royal names are the newest craze of newborn babies’ parents.What is your opinion on this trend in children’s names? Is it worth to pick aristocratic name for your little stroller king or queen; or is it better to go simple, and, let’s say, start your own family tradition by naming your little wonder by one of the grandparents? – http://www.votetheday.com/society-18/aristocratic-names-300/
On Kal-El: I can say with certainty that Nicolas Cage’s kid has no superpowers or x-ray vision, because he wasn’t looking where he was going and crashed headlong into me once. Cage owns a house in New Orleans a few blocks from where I live and work. I was walking down the street and this little tornado came out of nowhere yelling DADDYDADDYDADDYDADDY and crashed right into my legs and fell over (luckily, he wasn’t hurt). I looked up, and the kid’s daddy was Nicolas Cage. On Apple: A friend’s three-year-old son has an imaginary life which mainly consists of having a career as a race-car driver and having a daughter named “Grape,” and even he thought that “the lady who named her baby Apple was just being silly.”On Kyd: Mr. Duchovny, didn’t your grade school teachers tell you that only goats have kids? And didn’t you learn how to spell somewhere along the line?
I’m surprised you didn’t cite Bruce Willis and Demi Moore for their daughters’ names. When I first heard the name “Apple” I immediately thought of a gentleman from our town whose real name was Orange. I kid you not. He’s been dead for years, but he would probably be over 100 by now. I couldn’t help but think how cute it would be if Apple ever had a little brother and they named him Orange. (Just joking), but point being, strange names have been around for years.
This article is useless. The subject has been done to death. Please stop.
I guess they forgot about Dweezel and Moon Unit Zappa, the kids that started it all.
Hey! How did one of the originals get left out: Moon Unit Zappa. And while we’re mooning, Soleil Moon Frye wasn’t bad either.
Makes me suspect their parenting skills. Anyone who would do that to a kid makes me wonder. What did that poor kid ever do to you. And it is not just celebs who stick stupid monikers on their kids.
Kyd might refer to the English renaissance Dramatist Thomas Kyd, author of The Spanish Tragedy. He was an influence to Marlowe, Jonson, and Shakespeare.
Wha? You left Frank Zappa’s kids off the list of AWFUL names? No DWEEZEL? No MOON UNIT?
And for crying in manhattan, what about Zowie Bowie?
this is hilarious….they try to gv their children ‘unique’ name but this is not unique… it’s … funny? wht about ‘kiddo dildo’???
wow nice collection in different name..lol..waheheh..so which name is cool or not or which name do you prefer for your future child?
Phobia of Public Speaking
Horrible names have been around for years. My great-great-(great?)-aunt Celestial Faye, for example (I could go on). We only notice these because the parents are “celebrities”.
for the record, Zowie Bowie is, actually, Duncan Bowie.
I’ll take Pilot or Pirate any day over another -aden/aiden/ayden name.
and why pick on the Smiths for naming their kids after themselves? have you not heard of juniors? at least they gave their kids their OWN names, rather than just passing along the exact same moniker, and a title to boot.
These celebrities who give there kids weird names are self centered idiots who are more interested in getting attention than thinking of how this effects their own children.
thanks for the humourous ideas here
I actually think Apple is a very cute name ?
and it took me a while to figure out why “Harley Quinn” was so bad. It’s still a normal name and people who aren’t familiar with the comic might never even get the story behind it.
She can just go as Harley or Quinn, both very nice names.
Zuma Nesta Rock, now that’s a bad name. Whatever were they thinking.
I liked Zuma and Apple….. but maybe I’m weird.
Maybe somebody else has said this, but: Why aren’t Moon Unit and Dweezil (Frank Zappa’s kids; I don’t know the third one) on the list? I’d definitely add them instead of Apple, which I kinda like.
Yes — now I see somebody beat me to the Zappa names! My apologies.
accident is a good name or trojanbroke
In Norway we have laws against odd names. I think that is a good idea to protect the poor kids that are victimized due to their crazy names.
I love the name Prince, it’s cute. Prince is Michael’s grandfathers name, he died a shortly before Michael’s son was born, so Michael nick named Michael Jackson, Jr. “Prince” and named Blanket Prince. Plus he is the King Of Pop, so it goes well.
Regarding the name Seven..I also named my daughter Seven, but I spell it Sevyn.I can’t speak for Erykah Badu but I had a VERY special reason for which I gave my child such a name. In most parts of the world, names are given not for trend. Instead it is given as a means of character identity, or a quality you want your child to have. In my case it was a pregnancy in which I was afraid for the health of my baby. I believed she would be perfect and she was. I honored God for hearing my prayers by naming her Sevyn. (God does everything in multiples of 7-it is a holy number for completion and perfection, mentioned throughout the Bible.) It’s easy to make fun of the things we don’t understand. I would hope a site dedicated to parenting wouldn’t stoop as low as a common tabloid. I’ll look forward to your next piece on sensitivity toward others or the problems gossip causes.
Someone wrote “Reese Witherspoon” below…I hope they google it and realize that’s not her real name.
My kid’s name is on there (#14, Calico). We haven’t gotten anything but positive feedback. Ironically, our choice of boy’s name (Sparrow), despite it being a very popular family name for well over a hundred years, is not on this list and we’re still getting comments on how happy everyone is we’re having a girl.
wow, these poor children have to live with these names for their entire lives. look people, when deciding on a name for a child, keep in mind that they will have to introduce themselves with this name as adults some day. your horrible attempts to come up with a “unique and cleaver” name just prove your horrible taste and selfishness.
i cant stand apple, its just sounds silly, as do most of the names on the list. seriously, audio science? pilot inspecktor, seriously how out of it were they? XD
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i hate the word i mean apple
I can only agree with you half of the time here. The only names I truly find disturbing for celebrity kids are Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smiths kids Jaden and Willow. If you don’t why it’s because they named them after themselves but in opposite sex form. That’s self centered.
There is nothing wrong with giving your kid a unique name. If you don’t like it don’t do it. If my mom had her way my name would be Tabitha. I’m thankful for my unique name and personality. Don’t be so judgmental.
I would also like to note that my two half sisters were named Jessica and Melissa because it was the number one baby name the year they were born. While both of them have never shared any dislike for the names themselves they both have shared dislike for the reasoning.
I agree with most of these but I honestly can’t find fault with Harley Quinn Smith. I think that especially with a common last name you can get away with a more whimsical first name. Reignbeau is criminal.
I actually like the name Moxie(not so much the CrimeFighter part) for a girl, it’s cute and different.
As for Harley Quinn, I know a little girl with that name, it’s not that uncommon.
Some of the names are silly and off the deep end, but as long as the parents are happy and especially the child is happy, then no harm done. Who cares what critics think?
wooow
siriously i feel bad for those kids..even tho they have rich parents, its a shame they named their kids like this…
Wow, are they nuts!Has all that money just went to their heads,I also like unique names,But think of what they will go at school thats right they have nannys,go to rich privite schools, and their parents dont really raise them its the nannys job. when I HAD MY Daughter 30 years ago Iput a lot of thought into her name and time thinking what to name her,then her Father saw in the paper a clip about 100 years ago today there was a ship docked in puget sound in the 18 hundreds named the Andelana. and that was it we named her Andelana Ashley(ashley) after his father. she didnt like it when she was young but now she loves it Her dads mother found her a book called ( Tall ships on puget sound and gave it to her on her 16th birthday I think people should spend a bit more time on their childs name they have to live with it forever. thanks capdeb927@netzero.com
what about moon unit and dweezel
and just think, these people vote. its sad that celebritys are so dumb.
Stars are so weird. That is why they are stars because they could NEVER hold a real job. They are so out there look at Charlie Sheen he has some serious issues. The money they make gives them the right to be above all of us and to name there children stupid names.
You forgot Dweezil & Moon Unit Zappa.
omg thts so wired
number 27: isn’t it also the type of romance novel?
i once knew a child named Nosmo King!!!!!
I gotta say, having named my daughter Wren (with nearly all positive feedback – the only person who didnt like it was my mom, and only while we were pregnant. Now she loves it), Apple is NOT the worst celebrity baby name out there.
my best friend gave me the name Albert Ross for a boys name…she was still going off the bird theme…Albertross..Albatross…yeah >.>
I’m sorry but if you’re named “Pirate” you’re destined to live a life of badassery.
I know someone with the name Diesel Fuelings
Add Alicia Silverstone with a child just named Bear Blu
http://www.tvguide.com/news/alicia-silverstone-baby-1032895.aspx
I kinda of like Reignbeau lol, cute spelling and all. Omg I wonder what Pink is going to name her baby? Uh, Camera? Seriously? Lol I have a cousin called Rebel, but it’s a shame for the ones with Inspecktor and Crimefighter, badass? I don’t think so.
i knew a kid named Bata and her last name was Fish NO JOKE
I actually worked with the mom/wife and her name is debon aire…. debonair…. apparently its a family tradition to do this to your child. I wasn’t surprised when I heard what they named their daughter. Have a friend who grew up with eileen anna land. I lean on a cane… no joke!
i knew a girl named Tramp Hoe…no joke lol
I agree with all of these, except the Myleene Klass one, “Hero.” Sorry, but if it comes from a play written by Shakespeare (“Much Ado About Nothing”), no fair calling it weird.
That’s 2 celevr by half and 2×2 clever 4 me. Thanks!
I bow down humbly in the presence of such gretaness.
I quite like Mars as a name.
AFAIC that’s the best awnser so far!
If you want to get read, this is how you sohlud write.
Thanks guys, I just about lost it looknig for this.
Rosemary…this is a great site to emphasize your point about babynames!
Rosemary…this is a great link that emphasizes your point about the baby names! My favorite was Penn Gillette’s daughter: Moxie Crimefighter!!!
Here’s some advice to celebrities naming their kids http://babies.com/advice-to-celebrities-on-baby-names/.
michael jackson’s first son’s actual name is Michael Joseph Jackson II nickname “prince” so get your facts straight
Many countries have passed laws to protect children from such stupidity, apparently US has not.
Congratulations to Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan on the birth of Retard, the newest addition to the family! Rebel, Racer, Rocket, Rogue, and Rhiannon are so lucky to have a new sibling. Welcome to the world, Retard Caligula Rodriguez! You are loved.
Methinks the boringly-named doth complain too much.
they are fun to read for now but i feel bad for these kids later on… why purposely subject your kids to bulling and teasing for their name or even a life of explaining… yes thats my real name…
were not talking about an antiquated old family name or old name in general where there is a real purpose for it…
I bet the name Seven is from the Seinfeld episode. It aired in 1996 and the kid was born in 1997….hmmmm
Princess is actually a very common name in the African community, I work with someone named Princess.
erykah badu and andre benjamin are into african spirituality and in many other religions and faiths 7 is the number of perfection, and or the number of the divine
Seven means God in the supreme mathematics.. Plain and simple. People are looking waay to deep into it lol.
i know this girl named Avalon, her brother is Chevy and her sister is Malibu