Congrats on winning the Worst Father of The Year Award! Yes, it is only June, but you sir, have solidified your place amongst the Scumbag Hall of Fame.
You have always been in the running, what with your time in jail, chasing your wife and children, popping up and ruining their lives, etc, etc, but this year you’ve been doing an excellent job. It was just a few months ago that you announced on Twitter that Lindsay had HIV only to later, after getting all the press attention you desired, say it was a hacker and the claim was false. Bravo!
But what really made us decide that you were our winner for the illustrious title of Worst Father, was your recent announcement. Lindsay has had a long history with alcohol addiction and is currently court ordered to wear an alcohol monitoring device after missing a probation hearing stemming from her 2007 arrests on drunken driving and misdemeanor drug charges. She’s been having problems, setting off the monitor during an after-party for the MTV Awards, so what do you do, oh Great One? You decide to open a bar/nightclub! And you hope it will become “become a family enterprise.” Bravo!
In the history of bad parenting, we have never seen such brilliant use of capitalizing on one’s own offspring’s highly publicized misfortune. We here at the Bad Dad’s Society feel that if your child is going to throw away their life there is no sense in helping when you can make a profit. Everyone knows the world is ruled by money, not by love! Calling your new establishment Controversy is just the right way to stoke the fire and create a buzz to bring in business. And since Lindsay has been involved in a DUI and had problems with drug abuse, offering a driving service for customers and screening for drugs at the door is a wonderful marketing ploy that completely suits your brand and your own DNA.
We can not wait to see you at the opening and are proud to be seated at the table of honor with Jon Gosselin and his eight little shot glasses. Congrats again, sir. You deserve this award!
Sincerely and With Complete Negligence and Zero Judgement,
The Bad Dad’s Society