Sure, there are times when celebrities are just like us. Jennifer Garner doing errands in jeans and sneakers with a toddler in tow. Heidi Klum wearing maternity pants post-baby. Sarah Jessica Parker looking casual on a school run. But let’s face it: Celebrities are oftentimes nothing like us — and neither are their kids. (For example, celebrity kids wink at the paparazzi). Here are the top ten ways celebrity children differ from ours:
9. Celebrity kids wear expensive red lipstick. Ours have a pretend lipstick that came — free! — with aforementioned Pretty Purse. (okay, I’m done picking on Suri.)
8. Celebrity kids are named after fruit, days of the week and sometimes an ancient princess. Ours are named after grandparents, lists found in baby books and monikers that actually exist.
7. Celebrity kids get a new haircut and it causes a media firestorm. Ours get a new haircut and a bully mocks them at the park.
6. Celebrity kids get a half million car for their 16th birthdays. Ours get a broken down used one with busted air conditioning (if we happen to be ready to trade it in anyway).
5. Celebrity kids are “caught up in Oscar buzz.” Ours are caught up in “Dora the Explorer buzz.”
4. Celebrity kids inspire their parents to create award-winning music. Ours inspire their parents to create a noise-proof playroom.
3. Celebrity kids are strolled around Disneyland flanked by security guards and being pushed by a paid handler. Ours, well, aren’t.
2. Celebrity kids are serenaded on their birthdays by one the greatest vocalists on Earth after cruising around Sydney Harbor. Ours get an off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday” by a bunch of relatives re-gifting a gaggle of age-inappropriate presents.
1. Celebrity kids wear real heels — out in public. Ours have kitten-heeled Disney princess slippers ($7.99!) that they are only permitted to wear in the house. (Okay, apparently I wasn’t quite finished with Suri…)
What did I miss?