Let’s face it. We never really cared that much about presidents as parents until a couple of months ago. Sure, we ogled the cute ones (Kennedy’s kids), tsk-tsked at the naughty ones (remember college girl Jenna Bush?), but we never really connected the two roles: national leader and parent. That changed when Sarah Palin came on the Election 2008 scene two months ago. Since her running mate John McCain is already in his seventies, one could see the likelihood she might end up in the Oval Office, the nation’s leader – and a mother! Which led many to scream, “But what about her children?” What kind of mother puts country first, before even her family?

Let’s turn the tables and ask: what kind of father does the same? As part of our Election 2008 coverage, Babble’s looking back at the forty-three presidents of the United States and ranking these First Dads from worst to best. We based our list on the following: how the kids turned out, anecdote, the presidency itself and this contributor’s whimsy. Smart, sassy daughters helped some otherwise blah president-dads score big. See also: our list of the wackiest presidential kids.

Now . . . let’s get judgy! – Madeline Holler

Thomas Jefferson (3rd – Democratic-Republican)

He had a kajillion kids – half of whom (the white ones) he even acknowledged! He freed some of the children he fathered with his teen slave, Sally Hemings, but never stepped up and said, “They’re mine and here’s part of my estate.” Sorry, Jefferson, nice profile on the nickel, but as a father you make us feel dirty.

Franklin D. Roosevelt (32nd – Democrat)

Great president, lousy father. His five kids had 19 marriages, 15 divorces and 29 kids. Perhaps his own odd marriage to Eleanor – and the fact that he let his mom run his life – wasn’t the best example a father could set for the kids. This family would make a riveting multi-episode project for Dr. Phil.

George Herbert Walker Bush (41st – Republican)

Where to start? Eldest son George W. was so in need of his father’s approval he took his country to war! Next in line, Jeb, all but drove the getaway car for his brother’s stolen election. And Neil, oh, Neil!, you scurrilous businessman with a history of savings and loan scandals, taxpayer bailouts and, most recently, a timely educational software business that opened its doors just in time for No Child Left Behind.

James Madison (4th – Democratic-Republican)

This guy tried to do his best, raising Dolley’s son, John Payne, from a previous marriage. But Madison was notoriously too lenient on the boy. After Madison’s death, Payne spent every last penny left to him and his mother, forcing her to sell off the valuables. Kids need limits and a strong financial education, Mr. President. “No” is love .

Andrew Jackson (7th – Democrat)

This leader could have been the 19th Century equivalent of a baby-sling wearing, man-nursing, Dr. Sears-espousing, stay-at-home dad for all we care, but he’d still get ranked with the worst. Because anyone who is prick enough to force entire communities of families down a Trail of Tears to resettle in Oklahoma – Oklahoma! – couldn’t possibly have been a good father. Jackson didn’t actually sire any biological kids, but he adopted one of his twin nephews and, ironically, an orphaned Creek Indian. He also served as guardian to a bunch of nieces and nephews. Still.

John Adams (2nd – Federalist)

Sure, he fathered a future president, but he also produced a raging alcoholic, Charles, who suffered from severely low self-esteem. His absentee father showered all available attention and approval onto John Quincy Adams instead. Congrats, John, openly playing favorites has earned you a spot with our crappy First Dads.

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