The Secret Affair Of Moms
Why "Twilight" is the antidote to the monotony of marriage.
New Moon, the second installment of the Twilight series, earned a record breaking $72.7 million at the box office on opening day. Were the moviegoers all screaming teenagers there to drool over Taylor Lautner’s new bulging biceps, or swoon over Robert Pattinson’s sexy pallor? Nope. Many of these fans were moms. “Twi-moms,” as they - we - are often called, came out in droves to experience Bella’s love triangle between Edward, her vampire boyfriend and Jacob, her werewolf pal.
What is it about this series that has captivated so many moms? There are hundreds of groups for Twilight Moms on Facebook, Twitter, and parenting message boards. There are stories of moms stealing life-sized cardboard cut outs of Rob and Taylor from Nordstrom’s. There are even tales of moms requesting autographs on their undies, to the horror of their mortified daughters.
The Twilight books aren’t exactly prize-winning literature, yet many moms devoured them like left over Mac n’ Cheese on their child’s plate. When I finished the final book, Breaking Dawn, I went into immediate withdrawal. What do I do now? I thought, as I noticed the unwashed laundry that had piled up while my face was buried in Bella’s life. I nearly cried when I noticed my husband changing a light bulb. Watching him perform this menial task with so little grace and elegance, so un-vampire like, was a depressing reminder that there was no Edward in my life. My husband didn’t float on air, change the bulb at breakneck speed or pounce off into the forest to protect me. Instead, he fumbled and ultimately dropped it on the floor where it shattered. The whole episode sent me into a depression.
I talked to moms who also felt the need for PTSD (Post Twilight Stress Disorder) counseling, and we realized that the dishes, laundry, after school activities and carpools would ultimately forbid us from having enough time to date vampires, or befriend werewolves. We looked at our Blackberry schedulers and, sadly, we found we were just too booked for such frivolity. We are realistic. We may love the books, but we aren’t the bitter women and desperate housewives that many blogs and commentaries make us out to be.
For me, the series is nostalgic. No, I didn’t date the hot vampire at my High School (he was taken). I did have crushes on a few older boys - not 100 years older, they were seniors - and they felt equally unattainable. Like most teens, I was preoccupied with being cool, meeting boys, and my hair, but life was pretty carefree, full of surprises and possibilities, not playdates and errands. The Twilight tale reminds moms of those lost days: first loves, awkward silences and the palpable sexual tension you felt while wondering, is he actually going to kiss me?
A kiss from my husband is simply a kiss; there’s no woozy feeling or butterflies fluttering in my stomach. We don’t get lost in each other’s eyes while discussing our son’s report card or arguing over bills. Anyone who thinks otherwise has never been married. Bella and Edward live each moment in their own private world, with little else to divert their attention, except, of course, for aggressive vampires, werewolves and the Volturi (Ancient vampires who govern their world).
Twi-Moms aren’t just reading about Bella, we are trying to be her. We experienced her shock at the depth of Edward’s love, and her crushing anguish when he left her. Stephenie Meyer captured the longing, the desire and the total devotion that is a faint memory for most married women. I recall tearing through New Moon because Edward was absent for so much of the book that I felt lost without him.
Yes, I admit, it was fantasies of Edward that propelled me through the series. It was so easy to become Bella and to see Edward as my own. I was having an affair with that perfect vampire. Yet I wasn’t cheating, not technically. My husband knew. He was aware that someone else was with me as I read the books each night. In fact he should have thanked that someone for the sudden spike in our sex life.
Whether Twi-moms are drawn to Edward’s stunning beauty, quick wit, and boundless dedication, or Jacob’s shiny disposition, intense confidence, and 8-pack abs; our trysts ended the day we finished the final book. When moms saw the movies, many of us probably fell for the actors, because they were real-life versions of the characters we had fallen for on the page.
So, we may come across as cougars on the prowl, but we’re wise enough to realize the saga is fantasy (vampires and other mythical creatures aside), unlike the starry-eyed teenage groupies across the aisle who are still sure their Edwards and Jacobs await.
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Thanks for this article. I haven’t called myself a Twilight Mom before now but I guess I am. You really were able to capture the exact reasons why the Twilight books mean so much to me.
I can’t believe that you actually compared Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, a serious and often debilitating mental illness experienced by our returning military men and women, to your reaction to a piece of adolescent literature. What a pathetic attempt to gain readership.
It’s called hyperbole.
Given the way that the relationships are portrayed in Twilight, I’m making sure my kid knows I’m not on-board. I do think people’s fantasies are harmless, and whatever makes you happy, in bed or out – that’s your call, no matter how disturbing. But Edward is a poster child for an abuser, and it really gets my goat (and the goats of others: http://current.com/1tq5q4c) to see this kind of behavior idolized by and for young women.
Jacob was the potential abuser, not Edward. And anyway these characters aren’t that deep. It’s just a story, and a fantasy. It was enjoyable, and lucky for me, my husband still impresses me as much as Edward.
I thought this was a well written article explaining the new aversion to vampires and such whether it be by twi-moms or tw-teens. I feel that from the tone of the article this was meant to be light hearted and humorous. I haven’t read and probably won’t read the books, but the article gave me some insight to what this new craze is all about.
Keep these articles coming from Jenny.
I’m really glad that I was not a teenager when these books came out! The relationships portrayed in these books are so unrealistic and so false, I fear many girls will always be disappointed that the guys they date aren’t more like Edward or Jacob.
To quote a friend of mine”who wouldn’t want a guy who is gorgeous, rich, never has to sleep and only wants to obsess about you?” In real life this guy would be called a stalker.
This probably says something about me more than anything, but I really didn’t love high school all that much. It was when I felt the least comfortable with myself. I always wonder when people talk about high school being “carefree”, did I have a different experience or are others looking at the past with rose-colored glasses? I guess that’s why it is hard for me to understand anyone fantasizing about teenage years.
I have rediscovered young adult fiction since becoming a mother because its really nice to settle down with a light book that is easy to read and delivers a good story. I can put them down, do what needs done and pick it up again whenever I have time. I read tons of romance as a teen and I don’t remember taking it as seriously as some here fear their teens will. It never even occurred to me that Edward was a stalker! For those going through withdrawal I highly recommend Maggie Stiefvater. Her book Shiver is fantastic!
Laure68, it’s not just you. I had the same experience. College was much more “carefree” than high school for me.
Why does everyone have to over think and over analyze everything? Why can’t Twilight just be about fun, adventure, fantasy, true love, relationships, complications, consequences, happy endings? – Twilight Grandma
Twilight Grandma: I think it can be, but I think that teenage and pre-teen girls often don’t have the perspective to sort through all the messages in the movies and books, and there are some decidedly unsavory messages (like a boyfriend who cuts you off from your family and friends, who threatens to kill himself if something happens to you, and who is afraid to and sometimes actually does hurt you is desirable). As adults, we can understand what we’re attracted to and fantasize about specific parts of the characters presented, and accept that there are negatives and that our actual relationships are healthy and good. I don’t know that we can count on every young girl being able to do that. I do think that a lot of these concerns can be addressed by a solid conversation with a daughter– “How would you feel if your boyfriend said that you couldn’t be with your family or friends anymore? What’d the right thing to do if someone says they’re likely to hurt you? Themselves?”; in fact, the movie can be a great way to talk about these issues. And you can still enjoy it even after that discussion (I still enjoy them).
Well I completely relate to this article – I also could not put down the Twilight books until I’d read them all. And I know many Moms who feel the same way – in fact, one who did get a cardboard cutout of Edward. For me, it was just so fun to read and to remember those feelings of being young and in love, and of sex being unfamiliar and forbidden. The books themselves get progressively worse through the series, but once you have read the first one or two you are so invested that you have to finish (even though personally I thought Breaking Dawn was a huge letdown). I laughed out loud at the author’s story about her husband changing a lightbulb and dropping it in a very un-Edward like fashion.
as someone who read the first two books in the month after giving birth, I’ve got to say that the only appeal is that the writing style is geared towards juvenile readers. it’s easy, predictable, and about as challenging as sneezing. so when you’re sleep deprived and stranded on the couch or rocker with a baby latched to your nipple (like a little vamp), these books are easy to withstand. but jesus. by the end of the second, I truly believed that the vapid prose of these books were sucking the IQ right out of me. ugh. and don’t get me started on the abstinence agenda (written by a mormon after all).
and on another note, has babble lost all its good writers? its starting to read like parents magazine in here. or babycenter. or worse.
Cherie- you do realize that aversion means a strong feeling of dislike, right? I’m not sure that you mean to say that this article explains people’s new aversion to vampires. Far as I can tell, the article is about exactly the opposite.
That’s funny, I was thinking the opposite about the writing at babble. I thought this was such a funny piece and I loved how the author was self deprecating and smart. It was as if she was admitting that it’s not fine literature, but she was sucked in none the less. I think this was the sentiment of many readers. It was easy, but the fantasy was overwhelming. I sent i quite a few moms to read this piece and they wanted more. It’s nice when someone can grasp a feeling that many have… and put it into words!
Andrea L: Well said.
I loved this article! I just finished reading all four and couldn’t get enough (although I agree- the fourth book was a let down). I read books like this in high school and felt like I was being teleported back to being that person I was some 15 years ago. I loved high school, but hated college- small high school, large college was the problem. But reading these books that are simple in their text, but rich in characters’ emotions reminded me of the reading I used to do, when I read books just to FEEL something. Not for the IQ value. It was really a nice break from “real life”. And I totally disagree with the comments about these books being bad for teens. I feel almost exactly the same way I did when I was 17 and I just don’t think we give teens the benefit of having their own brains. They can figure things out for themselves the same way I did when I read trashy novels in high school. In fact, to me reading books like these that have adventure, gives the reader (like a teenager) the chance to experience thrills via a book instead of trying to find excitement through dangerous “real” means . This was a great article- it was nice to feel I am not the only one that felt a little depressed about the un-twilightness of the real world and our real men
I recently finished Twilight and I can tell you, I am very much in the throes of the Twlight obsession, and will very shortly devour the rest of the series. I laughed out loud at the author’s comment about how non-Edward like her husband is (as is mine).
As far as how these books may impact my daughter when she’s old enough to read them: I can see her being drawn into the fantasy and comparing every boy to Edward (probably unfavorably). But you know, when I was a teenager there was no Twilight series and I still got caught up in an unhealthy relationship or two along the way. It was part of the learning process. I had negative experiences with a couple of boys, learned what I wanted and what I wouldn’t put up with, and came out of those years ready to commit to my husband in a lasting, mature relationship. More influential than any book were my parents: I had a mother who constantly affirmed how a man should make you feel,
and a father who constantly demonstrated how a man should treat you.
In the end, our girls are influenced by a lot of factors. While a series of books/movies can have an effect, I think we need to keep it all in perspective and realize that parents, friends, cultural norms, circumstances, etc. also mean a lot. When the teen years hit I’ll worry about her constantly, but I’ll have enough faith in her to not assume that one series of books will make her unable to have a healthy relationship one day.
And, for the record: I’m rooting for team Edward.
I love this article! While my husbands normalcy didn’t send me into depression, the books had the opposite effect- they made me REMEMBER how charming, romantic, and wonderful he is in the first place, mommy-hood had clouded those memories- it actually spiced up my marriage- LOVE THESE BOOKS!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate these books and their messages. Apparently its ok for teen girls to chase after men who are emotionally abusive. Edward tells her where she can go and who she can see–if she disobeys he disables her car or has his sister forcibly restrain her under the guise of a sleepover. Bella’s father praises Jacob in the book for forcing himself on his daughter, when Bella was clearly very upset by it. Awful AWFUL messages.
I’ll take a strong, smart, independent heroine like Hermione anyday.
F**king pathetic.
These bitches have serious issues.
I have lost hope for all humanity, going to kill myself now, nice going Smeyer.
I think reading Twilight, in the way that most moms have been, is a sort of porn for women. And since I don’t approve of porn use, I don’t really approve of Edward/Jacob fantasies either. It’s a fun book, but nothing more. It’s not even well written enough for me to want to read again. It’s a bit disgusting to see so many people obsessed with it. I feel like I’m watching a bunch of female perverts, when I see a “Team Edward” or “Team Jacob” shirt walk by. What’s wrong with reality again? I don’t like doing dishes, but I love my husband, and I love the simple way he changes light bulbs. I also like the fact that he doesn’t constantly confuse me by being angry with me one minute, and then sweet to me the next. He’s no vampire, but do I really want to be married to someone who could kill me at any moment? I mean, think about that for a minute.
Sandy S: That’s because Twilight was Meyer’s wet dream. Self inserting herself into a fantasy world of abusive sparkling retards and pedo wolves. People mistake this abusive relationship Bella has gotten herself into, as ‘true love’.
Oh and by the way. If you need to read a soft porn mary sue/self insert story, basically, to get things on with your husband/wife, or get the ‘fire’ back. You’re doing marriages wrong. Because you don’t care about your partner enough to come clean and say ‘something feels off, this doesn’t feel like how it used to be. We need to try harder’.
But then again if you’re a 40 yr old woman reading about a SEVENTEEN yr old boy who stayed a virgin for 117 years, then well, something is wrong with you.
Would you allow 40+ yr old men drooling and fapping off to your underage daughters, with lies and claims of ‘it’s helping my marriage’!?
You idiots should be ashamed of yourself, if you want romance novels they already fucking exist, you don’t need to go into poor mans porn for them and claim you’re helping your marriage!
Wow. Really? Seriously? A mythical character is keeping these women from being moms and wives. PTSD? Ummmmmmm, no. Get a real life.
This is so sad. So very, very sad…
This is a pathetic article. I can’t believe someone actually wrote this dribble or let alone might believe it true.
Funny thing about these ‘Twi-moms’ is, if it were 30+ year old MEN drooling over Bella instead of women over Jacob and Edward, it would be creepy.
This article is a load of self-absorbed shit.
You’ve got to be kidding me if this article is serious.
I can’t believe that people were camping outside the premiere. I don’t understand how people can become so obsessed with movies and books, to the degree that it strains their relationships. Media manipulates society by creating such a hype about an upcoming movie, good or bad; people spend millions to watch it; media idolizes the actors, and sells it to the point that it gets to this obsessive degree. The relationship between Bella and Edward is awful. In the first movie, Bella would be doing her own thing, and he’d keep appearing out of nowhere to warn her that she shouldn’t be with him. So then, how about just staying away, you tool? And don’t get me started on the ridiculous acting? I wanted to poke my eyes out while watching the movie. The second one was even worse. And why did I watch the second one? Because media hyped it up, and made it sound good. So there you go.
If I ever had a daughter who obsessed over Edward(fat chance of that happening, anything Twilight related will be banned from her presence), I’d slap her because I love her and don’t want her to ostracize nice boys whom she would never give a chance… because a FICTIONAL GARY STU(Mary Sue) would overrule any she would come across!
And the “morals” this story has… if you consider stalking and abusive traits “LOVE”, you’re totally fucking demented on a high level and are obviously in need of years worth of therapy. I can’t believe anybody would publish this despicable woman’s wet dream diaries to the public.
You won’t ever admit it: You wish your husband was Edward. *narrows eyes.*
What’s Twilight?
Seriously, I only am vaguely familiar with it because of coming up with baby names and being careful NOT to choose one from that series. That and my hairdresser is OCD about it.
I saw New Moon with another mom in my neighborhood. Both of us have daughters who are only preschool-age but after the movie, we talked about how reading these books with your teenage daughter could be such a good way to open up conversations about real relationships. Looking at how obsessive the relationships are in these books, I can only imagine that a teenage girl would find it exciting to imagine someone being so into them. Talking to your daughter, niece etc about what is unhealthy or unrealistic about Bella & Edward or Bella & Jacob is far less offensive than trying to talk to a teenager about their own personal relationships. Instead of coming across as a mom telling her daughter what not to do, you are using a fictional character to send the same message. Might be idealistic of me but it seems like a good jumping-off point for some good conversations.
If Edward and Bella are the dream American team, I’d hate to see what we’d consider to be the ideal children.
Because nothing says true love to me than homicidal vampires. Heh.
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You haters need to get a life and quit taking yourselves (and everything else, especially this funny article) so seriously. Yeah, it is gross to see 30+ y/o women drooling over an 18 y/o or of people actually screwing up their relationships for a book series. But quit knocking the idea of virginity; of chivalry; of romance, especially when they’re set in a fantasy series. FANTASY. These books are good, escapist fun. As for teen girls taking them too seriously? Teen girls are of the variety that they either take EVERYTHING too seriously, or they don’t; a series of books will hardly change that. Grow up. If you don’t like the series, abstain — just like it’s heroes! And please, keep your unchivalrous sons and unvirtuous daughters away from my offspring!
Jenny,
You are always a genius and always brilliant. This one is my favorite. I watch these movies and I am brought back to how I felt about Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club many New Moons ago! Love Love Love!!
I cant beleive that people have actually taken the time to bash this article. You dont like the Twilight Series or the hype around it, why are you even bothering to read the article. So you have something to complain about. Maybe some of you are the ones who need lives.
I think the article is great. The books and movies are great. Its fun and light. If you are making more of it than that you are missing the point. Sometimes it is nice to just escape from the routined life we have as moms. And if this is what these women choose, GO GIRLS! There are a lot worse things out there.
For those who are comparing the Twilight series to the Harry Potter Series… Harry Potter series was written for 12 – 13 year olds. Twilight was written for 17 -21 year olds. Please.
Way to recycle Babble. @@.
this is an excellent piece!!!!! loved it!!!!:)I think you totally nailed it, regardless of any comments that oddly people who aren’t into the series took the time to write and read your article???
You always know how to put everything into words like PURE PERFECTION!!!
Wow. That’s just sad.
You’re saying Edward is better than your husband.
Wow. Some kind of wife you are. I have fantasies too, but I don’t go around saying my boyfriend is better thansoandsofictionalperson.
I don’t think it was intended to be written for 17-21, exception is the last book. If you ever go through the grammar of the book (Twilight) to Harry Potter and character development, I’d say Harry Potter beats Twilight. I’m taking this seriously, because it sounds serious. I don’t find anything funny, really.
Yes, I waste time to bash this article.
Because you know what? I’m bored. I’m a thirteen year old girl, who has nothing to do this summer. I have no life. There, happy? Not everyone is fucking happy go lucky with everything. That’s why we complain.
That is my opinon. Stated.
First of all, thirteen year olds shouldn’t be using the language you used when posting to adults. Secondly, yes, it’s weird that a thriteen year old is posting on a PARENTING website. I have thirteen year old daughter and it’d never occur to het to bother adults somewhere that’s meant for adults. Finally, you don’t know a thing about what it’s like to be an adult in long term marriage, consequently, your opinion is worthless on the matter. That’s my opinion. Stated. Now go read book or practice calculating slope or something before your brain rots on summer vacation.
typos: *thirteen *her
I guess I’m just a vampire snob. I read the first book and thought it was terrible. The movie was just so-so, but I just don’t get it. This is from someone who owns the entire series of Buffy on DVD. Though come to think of it, I never watch it…
I can totally relate!
This article is just sad.
Twilight is not my thing, and so I’m tempted to share in the groaning – but I also know that we all do need our own fantastical escapes, sometimes, whether it’s into TV, fiction, politics, or another hobby. It’s too bad that this author writes as though she has no spark left in her marriage at all – some of us married folks do still have one, from time to time! – but she may just be exaggerating for comic effect. In any case, I think really we all have our own potentially-embarassing escapes – and I’m not sure any one is better or worse than the others.
You put my feelings into words! Twilight gives me the chance to escape into a world that doesn’t involve the monotony of midnight feedings and diaper changes in a form that doesn’t take much brain power to read. My husband got an increase in sex when I was reading them too, although it didn’t have as much to do with my Jacob fantasties as it did the fact that reading the books provided some much needed “me time”. They have a good message too, if my daughter gets my Twilight books out when she’s older I will encourage it.
Some very key phrases from the article:
“Stephenie Meyer captured the longing, the desire and the total devotion that is a faint memory for most married women.”
“Yet I wasnt cheating, not technically.”
“In fact he should have thanked that someone for the sudden spike in our sex life.”
These same comments could be made by men in discussing porn, as a matter of fact, they are made to justify porn. It raises just one of the incredible double standards surrounding the book.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve read all the books, and I don’t think any of the books were in any way salicious. Well, ok, just a bit. There was so much “desire” talk that it got a little thick. But the reaction to it has become porn – it is there to titillate – only it is acceptable because it is more subtle. But Jenny nails it on the head – “In fact he should have thanked that someone for the sudden spike in our sex life” – she points out that it has that effect on her. It gets her motor running. I’ve heard so many wives I know in their 40′s talk about this same effect, yet all would be upset at their husbands for using porn to do the same thing. As a matter of fact, I know one of them was divorced for that very reason. But somehow this is ok.
really? really? maybe real-ity check please.
“A kiss from my husband is simply a kiss; theres no woozy feeling or butterflies fluttering in my stomach.”
Then maybe you married the wrong guy. I’ve been with my hubby 10 years now and I still get those deliciously tingly shivers when he kisses me!
I have to admit, hearing about grown women going gaga over these books and wondering “what do I do now?” after finishing the books – well, my response to that question is, “You go and get a life!”
Lord, woman. Listen, You should be glad that your husband cares enough to see a lightbulb is out and change it. You should be glad that, from what you said in the article, he seems to do a heck of a lot more than you do around the house. Above all, you should be glad you don’t have a gay, psychotic, bloodlusting, abusive, controlling stalker who shatters your bones when you have sex with him and doesn’t let you meet with friends you’ve had since before you knew him as a husband!