OK, everyone, the blog is live and we’re here to document every moment of the “Dancing with the Stars” finale, or as I like to call it, 119 minutes of filler, 1 minute of action.
Here’s how it will work: I’ll be updating throughout the show, bringing you every Jamie Lee Curtis sighting, gauging whether Brandy and Maks will need anger counseling, and counting how many times Bristol Palin mentions the “haters.”
Update your browsers frequently so that you receive the updates, and post your own comments. Each comment must be approved, so you may not see them right away.
Here we go!
9:04 — Yay! Everyone is back! I never thought I’d miss The Situation.
9:05 — Huh. Brooke Burke showing off more skin than ever — didn’t think that was possible. And first mention of Jennifer Grey’s injury.
9:06 — Still bitter Kyle Massey didn’t get 10s on that.
9:07 — And still have “Tootsie Roll” stuck in my head.
9:08 — Anyone else wonder if they purposely film footage of jumps not working so we’ll be amazed when they do?
9:09 — What did anyone think of “Chicago” performance? My son loves that song.
9:10 — Tom Bergeron justifies what would happen if Bristol wins explains the scoring system.
9:11 — Jennifer Grey injury reference.
9:14 — Xtina on the stage! I’m sure pregnancy rumors will fly again. C’mon people, do we have to do that every time a star swallows more than a peanut?
9:16 — Male dancers love to show off their chests, don’t they? Not that I’m complaining …
9:18 — Kyle’s tango — loved that!
9:21 — Oooh, who wants to see “The Tourist?” Me! Who wants to babysit for my kids so my husband and I can go?
9:22 — Local commercial for the mall, reminding me what terror awaits when I take our toddler to see Santa. She hates that guy.
9:25 — Kyle’s footwork has improve SOOO much this season.
9:29 — Bristol seems like a sweet person. But so much of what she says sounds scripted … there’s not much emotion when she “wants to get all 10s.”
9:30 — Crowd-pleasing air guitar. Most emotion she’s ever shown in dance.
9:32 — Judges apparently have been reading the messageboards; attempt to convince America that Bristol belongs in finals.
9:35 — My son cannot wait for “Wipeout” to return. Is that specifically aimed at 5-year-olds?
9:37 — Jennifer redancing her first dance. Love the symmetry.
9:39 — So elegant.
9:41 — Kyle and Lacey get 26. Boo Len — an 8?
9:42 — Bristol and Mark get 25, with Len the top scorer at 9. Umm, is Len a closet member of the Tea Party?
9:42 — Jennifer gets 30. And another injury reference!
9:43 — Kyle does not know “Raise Your Glass.” (And he’s dancing first. AGAIN.)
9:47 — I’m feeling like Kyle will go first. Boo.
9:49 — The Hoff: Not coping well with being booted off. But lifeguard has his back. Yay for “Baywatch” tributes!
9:50 — Hmm, what’s worse, the Hoff singing or dancing?!?! Apparently this is just an excuse to put them in bathing suits.
9:51 — My husband especially enjoying the “Baywatch” tribute …
9:52 — Mark Ballas: “I think Lacey, Derek and I made it to the finals” because of a right wing conspiracy?
9:53 — Hmm, Mark and Derek never competed against each other in a final. Didn’t know that.
9:54 — So will Michael Bolton be back to dance? I can’t remember if I saw him at the beginning. He was pretty mad about the doghouse stuff.
9:57 — Rick Fox and Kurt Warner. I think it’s impossible to dislike the two of them.
9:58 — OK, let’s look for Eliza Dushku, Fox’s girlfriend. They always show her.
9:59 — Rick Fox makes Kurt, who’s over 6 feet, look short.
10:00 — And Cheryl, who’s 5-foot-nothing, look like a dwarf. Loved the chest bump and how they embrace the cheesiness of it all!
10:01 — Rick Fox ducks the question of who will win. Kurt takes this opportunity to insult Bruno. Tom is always funny! (Husband says: “Rick should have said Brandy.”)
10:02 — Brooke has NO transitional skills in her interviews. So choppy.
10:03 — Is it really Black Friday if you’re shopping Thursday?
10:05 — “Off The Map” = “Grey’s Anatomy: Tropical Paradise”
10:06 — Margaret Cho looks FABULOUS! She must have kept up the dancing.
10:07 — Florence Henderson, on the other hand, should sue the costume designers for that outfit. I have been temporarily blinded.
10:09 — “There’s booing in the ballroom, we don’t know why!” Brooke’s best observation of the season.
10:10 — The Sitch is DONE with this. Derek has a temper. Jennifer is oversensitive. Is there a producer advising everyone off camera “be as dramatic as you can! More tears = more camera time!”
10:11 — Maks and Carrie Ann face off. Maks swears. Brandy freaks, wondering if he has cost her a shot at the final. (Apparently yes.)
10:15 — Brooke says she’s not going to take up any more of Bristol and Mark’s time, after taking up way too much without asking any good questions.
10:16 — Do we think Situation could even spell “governor?”
10:17 — The Situation is a great dancer when he does not dance and just takes off his shirt.
10:18 — I think that’s literally the shortest skirt I’ve EVER seen in my life.
10:19 — The doghouse. Why did Chelsie think that was a good idea. And was it really as bad as Bruno thought?
10:20 — Why don’t I remember Florence Henderson pulling up her shirt? Did I just block it out?
10:21 — Brandy’s heart literally breaks as she’s booted off. Derek looks SHOCKED.
10:22 — “Yogi Bear” commercial. Remember when Dan Akryod had a great career?
10:23 — “Skating with the Stars” promo. That totally bombed in the ratings last night, is anyone surprised?
10:24 — Huh, was that drawn-out lollipop bit especially for Carrie “You Took Too Long To Start The Dance” Ann?
10:25 — Sorta waiting for Maks to go sock Sarah Palin … and ANOTHER injury reference for Jennifer. If you’re counting, that’s 3,567 so far …
10:27 — You sing it Christina. This song (“Beautiful”) seems appropriate given all the speculation over her (sooo overhyped) weight gain.
10:29 — Loving the commentator’s idea to put the Palins on Wipeout. Let’s pit them against Brandy’s family and Maks and see what happens!
10:30 — In case you’re keeping track, Jennifer’s on top in the scoring, Kyle is second and Bristol is third. They’re about to do their second dance, but first, an ad for “Burlesque.” (Which sorta looks weird.)
10:31 — Love that one of the women slaps Brad the Cad in “Bachelor” promo.
10:33 — Every time Bristol is called a teen activist, I laugh. Tom finally stopped tonight! Yay.
10:35 — I seriously can’t believe Jennifer Grey is 50. She has the body of a 20-year-old — which is who she’s competing against.
10:35 — Len says he’d have “pickled me walnuts” if anyone had told him Bristol would make the finals. What’s that mean?
10:37 — Where is “DanceCenter?” The finalists are about to do their instant cha-chas. Kyle’s always first, isn’t he.
10:38 — Jennifer dancing now. Knee holding up just fine, in case you were worried.
10:39 — Bristol dancing now. Almost smiled.
10:40 — OK, what do we think — who did the best? I was not enamored with any of it, to be honest.
10:41 — Len liked all of them. Bruno liked all of them. (Saying Bristol saved best for last — uh, what’s that mean?) Carrie Ann sees why they’re all in the final, kinda cuts down Bristol by saying she “inspires hope” instead of saying she’s actually a good dancer.
10:42 — Yay Bruno! He gives a 10 to Kyle; other judges give 9s. (Husband busy forming Lacey fan club.)
10:43 — Jennifer gets 9s from Len and Carrie Ann, 10 from Bruno.
10:44 — Bristol gets 9s across the board. Brooke needs to widen her questions beyond “How nervous are you?” and “How proud are you?”
10:45 — The third-place finisher will be revealed … after this commercial break.
10:46 — Scores: Jennifer 118, Kyle 110, Bristol 104 … they got more votes than ever before.
10:47 — And the third-place finisher is: BRISTOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
10:50 — Bristol will not win. The boycott will not happen. And DWTS maintains its credibility.
10:51 — Umm, those two are totally dating. Showing the highlights video. Mark loves that girl.
10:52 — Brooke says everyone will miss Bristol and Mark, apparently unaware there’s only 8 minutes left in the season.
10:54 — People going NUTS that Bristol did not win. Seriously, the show’s credibility would have been shot. I wonder if the producers were voting like crazy to prevent it, LOL. If they could get through …
10:55 — OK, so do we think Jennifer has it sewed up now? I’m thrilled Kyle is in the top two.
10:56 — The new champs are: JENNIFER AND DEREK.
10:57 — Jennifer’s crying! She overcame injury!
10:58 — Kyle thanks his fans. AWWW! Wait, did Jennifer thank her fans?
10:59 — So Derek has won three trophies now — Brooke, Nicole and now Jennifer.
11:00 — Where is Jamie Lee Curtis? I expected to see her out there with Jennifer celebrating.
Thanks everyone for joining us tonight! What do you think — did the right person win? Leave your thoughts below. I am going to drown my sorrows over Kyle not winning in a cup of tea …
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