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Did I Really Eat That? Vintage (But Gross) Kids Food Commercials From The 80s And 90s

PicMonkey CollageBack before the fight with GMO, artificial sweeteners and uber cool organic grocery store hangouts like Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s, there was a time in our lives in which we ate candy in our cereal for breakfast, drank fructose corn syrup like it was fresh mountain water – and here’s the worse offense ate white bread in our sandwiches. And just like the housing market, we survived it all!

Now, I don’t want to say that the 80s or 90s mom was a bad mom, but she might not have been as aware and educated about the additives they put in kid’s food, but if she was, she probably wouldn’t have bought all of those fruit-flavored battery acid Squeeze Its that burned the insides of children from that era. The children of today, who are probably drinking 100% organic tree leaf nectar right now, have no clue what I’m talking about.

I mean, child nutrition of the 80s and early 90s was the real reason we all had a mouthful of cavities! But who am I to be giving shade to that time period when today we have Crispy Kreme deep-fried burgers, Pizzabons from Cinnabon, the Jack in the Box’s Bacon Shake and unidentifiable creatures living out of Mama June’s pantry. The children of the 2030′s are going to be so jealous.

Betty Crocker, General Mills and Aunt Jemima, you did us so wrong, but at the same time, so right because you made my childhood worth living thanks to some of these incredible (but so disgusting) snacks my mom packed for me in my fourth grade lunchbox. Check out our slide show below and let us know what you think!

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  • Wonder Bread 1 of 8
    Wonder Bread
    According to this commercial, "good nutrition doesn't have to be whole wheat." Sure, the governmental scientists and nutritionists of the 1980s were something of a different planet and you know what, I believed them 100%. I mean, the carbohydrate to fiber ratio doesn't matter AT ALL.

    Source via YouTube
  • Kraft Cheese Handi Snacks 2 of 8
    Kraft Cheese Handi Snacks
    Topping soda crackers with a chunk of cheese is just so American isn't it? But when that cheese is actually a concoction of oil, acids and several different ways of saying "salt" smeared across a dry, tasteless cracker by way of a red plastic rectangle stored in the same package as the snack, well...what am I talking about, I'd still eat this today. It was that good!

    Source via YouTube
  • Steak Umm 3 of 8
    Steak Umm
    Ohhh... Steak Umm. I actually can't hate on Steak Umm because during my last pregnancy, I actually craved a Steak Umm sandwich and requested one while I was at my mom's house. Although whether I would call this a hot, delicious meal, I'm not so sure anymore!

    Source via YouTube
  • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies 4 of 8
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pies
    "Straight from the sewer and into your mouth!" Yep, that's exactly what every mother wants to hear! Though they looked like huge, deep-fried pickles, Turtle Pies were merely vanilla-flavored Hostess Pudding Pies with a green crust.

    Source via YouTube
  • Squeeze-It 5 of 8
    Squeeze-It
    Do I really need to write a caption for this, or is the memory of your throat burning enough for you to recall the high fructose and syrupy taste these drinks had? And just to think, they were recalled in 2001.

    Source via YouTube
  • Giggles Commercial 6 of 8
    Giggles Commercial
    Four words: TURN THE GAS OFF. Giggles Cookies came in chocolate or vanilla with a creamy center, with a cut-out smiley face in every cookie that makes you giggle every time you eat one. Cookies today aren't nearly as fun as the Giggles Cookies of the 80's! I mean, now you get why the kid in this commercial can't stop laughing?

    Source via YouTube
  • Smurfs Berry Crunch Cereal 7 of 8
    Smurfs Berry Crunch Cereal
    I distinctly remember having Papa Smurf stare back at me from this cereal box while I was eating my berry crunch cereal for breakfast every morning before school. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, you probably didn't exist in 1985. And the best part? They had candy inside the box, too! Nutritious breakfast, indeed!

    Source via YouTube
  • Kool-Aid 8 of 8
    Kool-Aid
    The shark introduces itself and takes the kids for a swim! The Kool-Aid man goes for a swim, and out comes the shark! .. But where did the KIDS go? Hmm...

    Source via YouTube

Photos via YouTube

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