To say I’m obsessed with Dancing with the Stars is sort of like saying Brooke Burke is devoid of personality: it’s a huge understatement. Here are my initial thoughts about Season 11 after the first two episodes:
1. Does ABC purposely hire female co-hosts that seem to have undergone a lobotomy? When I heard Samantha Harris was leaving, I did a little jig alone in my living room (yes, I really did). Harris struck me as one of those women from the (original) Stepford Wives movie wherein their eyes are glazed over in a disconcerting, robotic manner. Well, who knew she was a comedic genius compared to Brooke Burke! My God! I once met a turnip with more pizazz. Burke needs to go back to something like the E! Wild On… series where nobody cares what she says, just how she looks in a swimsuit. Brooke, many parents watch this show with their kids, so could we stop the anatomy lessons please? We know you have gravity-defying cleavage. Can ABC not find an attractive woman to co-host who is also mildly articulate and engaging? My thought? Maybe Melissa Rycroft who certainly fits the beauty bill and seems to have some semblance of spunk.
2. Really America? David Hasselhoff was the first to go? For heaven’s sake, at least he is an actual star as the name — Dancing with the Stars — implies is the case for all contestants. I thought he wouldn’t be around long given his dancing potential seemed limited, but aren’t there more Hasselhoff fans out there than, say, Margaret Cho fans? She’s been doing the same stand-up routine for like 30 YEARS. How long can one milk a bit about a mother who has an Asian accent? She should have been the first one voted off. (Although Cho did accurately describe fellow contestant Rick Fox as such: “He looks like he’s made out of some delicious toffee” and I realize she’s done a lot more than her long-running routine, I’m just not a fan.)
3. Florence Henderson, we get that you’re no average 76-year-old. We get that you’re no Carol Brady. We get that you need America to know this about you. What we don’t get is asking The Situation if you can touch His Situation. We know you like younger men and are still profoundly disturbed that you hooked up with Greg Brady, but if you hook up with a member of Jersey Shore we may have to have you arrested. That said, you look great and I hope you stick around a while.
4. It’s great to see Jennifer Grey back on the dance floor and I’m glad she’s among the front-runners. BUT and I hope nobody takes this the wrong way: I hope memories of Patrick Swayze aren’t constantly invoked this season. It seems, well, creepy. We all loved his films and are of course sad about the loss of his life way too young, but I don’t think his memory should be used during a reality tv dance competition. Just seems slightly disrespectful. So I hope we’re not going to see Jennifer Grey get all weepy again and ABC doesn’t plan reenactments of Dirty Dancing sequences and songs all season.
5. I didn’t want to like The Situation. I really didn’t. He hangs around, I am assuming since I’ve never seen Jersey Shore, with a midget named Snooki. He has a motto that involves maintaining his abs and trying to get melanoma. At least the kid does his laundry, right? But I have to admit — he might be refreshing. Brandy certainly isn’t bringing any personality to the table (is she annoying or is it me?).
What do you think? Will this season be a good one?