Here are four words I never thought I’d say: I miss Samantha Harris. Yes, the sheer awfulness of “Dancing with the Stars” co-host Brooke Burke last night has me yearning for the days of Harris’ disconcertingly deep voice, “I was recently electrocuted” hair, and way-too-personal questions.
Burke, a mother of four, is no doubt a lovely and caring person. But she is not a good broadcaster. She has no interview skills, she looks more wooden than a log cabin, and the “DWTS” costumers seem to think that exposing more and more of her cleavage will blind us to those shortcomings, because they reveal an increasing amount of her chest each week. Seriously, one more terrible exchange with Bristol Palin and Brooke will be topless.
It’s too bad, because Tom Bergeron really could not be better, blending wit and humor and the occasional necessary searing Len Goodman put-down.
Here are five reasons Brooke Burke has got to go:
1. She does not ask enough questions. She makes statements and then waits for other people to respond, like when she told a smirking Cheryl Burke, “You always get paired with the hot guys!” Totally true. But not a question.
2. She is noticeably jealous of Derek Hough’s partners. OK, I get that Brook loved dancing with Derek (who wouldn’t?). But every time she interviews him, she’s practically shoving his partner out of the way and asking him to reiterate once again that she, Brooke, was his favorite. By this point I am cringing so violently my eyebrows hurt.
3. She can’t sell a line. When making little jokes about Florence Henderson (she’s old! she’s hot!) or The Situation (abs, abs, abs!), her delivery is so stiff it makes me wonder if she understands what she’s saying. To quote Mike Myers, “you put the acCENT on the wrong sylLABLE.”
4. Her dresses seem to be an answer to the question how much cleavage can you expose before the censors intervene? Answer: A lot. (I would be proud if I looked like that after four kids, too. But I don’t want to give my son an anatomy lesson each week while we watch.)
5. She lacks the ability to ask follow-up questions. Brooke to Bristol Palin: “Just four weeks ago you were working as a receptionist in Alaska. How much has your life changed?” Bristol: “Uh, it’s changed a lot definitely.” Everyone laughs awkwardly as Brooke declines to follow up with the three little words anyone else would have uttered: “Can you elaborate?” (Or she could have chosen these other three words: “How is Levi?”)
So what do you think should Brooke stay or go?