Five Reasons The Bachelor Should Let Rozlyn Papa Come Back

Rozlyn Papa
ABC should have trouble-making Rozlyn Papa back

In a story courtesy of ABC sources I find very suspect, The Bachelor powers-that-be claim that infamous producer-seducing contestant on Jake Pavelka’s season, Rozlyn Papa, wants a second chance so she can compete for the attention of regurgitated Bachelor Brad Womack. The show “considered it” but ultimately decided Papa, who has a son, wasn’t really in it to get married and Womack is. Sure, and I have a used hot tub I wanna sell ya. 1) Like they never cast contestants who aren’t truly seeking marriage? Ed Swiderski, anyone? He’s about as ready to wed as my four-year-old nephew. 2) As if a married Chris Harrison would allow a woman who accused him of hitting on a colleague’s wife to return to the show? My guess is they (finally) realized Brad Womack is B-O-R-I-N-G and they need to drum up some interest somehow. But, let’s suppose this is true. Here’s why ABC would be crazy not to let her come back:

1. She’s one of the best-looking contestants in Bachelor history. Which means all the other women will hate her. Which will mean drama. Which means good ratings.

2. The dynamic between she and Harrison alone would be worth tuning in. Nobody slams Chris Harrison! What’s to hate about Chris Harrison, master of the obvious, who’s relegated to repeating the same tired lines season after season after season: “In the most dramatic rose ceremony EVER!” and “Ladies, this is the final rose tonight,” and “Take a moment and say your goodbyes…” Papa told him off. Good tv, people.

3. Sources say she wasn’t remotely interested in Jake Pavelka (who would be, really?) but that didn’t stop her from shoving her tongue down his throat. Heaven only knows how she’d react if she was actually attracted to the Bachelor, which ABC claims she is with Womack. (Is it me or does Womack now look like a wax figure of himself?)

4. ABC didn’t have time (and if I remember correctly, the father’s permission) to exploit Papa’s young son last time. Maybe now they can add the poor kid to the list of cute offspring who have been dragged into the depths of hell that is The Bachelor, like Jason Mesnick’s son Ty.

5. Because if ABC is going to recycle The Bachelor, the least they can do is used all recycled contestants.