Author and screenwriter Nora Ephron tells it like it is and now she’s giving the world the honest truth about the ‘d word’. Despite the fact that she has been married to her third husband for more than twenty years, Ephron still wears the label of divorce to this day.
In her new book, I Remember Nothing, the woman who brought us the romantic comedies When Harry Met Sally and Sleepless in Seattleopens us about divorce, growing older, twitter and not caring about the Kardashians.
One of the biggest topics of the book is divorce or as Eprhon refers to it the d word. She’s a bit of an expert on the subject having gone through two divorces of her own – one without children, one while she was pregnant with her second child. She highly recommends the kind where children are not involved.
“I can’t think of anything good about divorce as far as the children are concerned,” Ephron writes. “You can’t kid yourself about that, although many people do. They say things like, ‘It’s better for children not to grow up with their parents in an unhappy marriage.’ But unless the parents are beating each other up, or abusing the children, kids are better off if their parents are together. Children are much too young to shuttle between houses. They’re too young to handle the idea that the two people they love most in the world don’t love each other anymore, if they ever did. They’re too young to understand that all the wishful thinking in the world won’t bring their parents back together. And the newfangled rigmarole of joint custody doesn’t do anything to ease the cold reality: in order to see one parent, the divorced child must walk out on the other.”
In the case of Ephron’s divorce she found out her husband was having an affair while she was expecting their second child. Even though she went on the re-marry it was one of the most challenging periods of her life that she is reflecting on as she grows older.
“When you’ve had children with someone you’re divorced from,” Ephron adds, “divorce defines everything; it’s the lurking fact, a slice of anger in the pie of your brain. Of course, there are good divorces, where everything is civil, even friendly. Child support payments arrive. Visitations take place on schedule. Your ex-husband rings the doorbell and stays on the other side of the threshold; he never walks in without knocking and helps himself to the coffee. In my next life I must get one of those divorces.”
Wise words from a very wise woman!
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