I went to open a bottle of pinot grigio before subjecting myself to the Real Housewives of New York City Reunion Part 2 last night, and was faced with the grim reality that we were out of wine and I must watch this debacle sans alcohol. Kelly Bensimon is frightening slightly buzzed, but downright horrifying when one is dead sober. So here are my (clear-headed, unfortunately) observations from Part 2 of 3:
Observation 1: I must buy wine before Thursday, when Part 3 airs.
Observation 2: Jill Zarin’s (gawdy) bracelets make distracting noises and Andy Cohen should have made her remove them.
Observation 3: Speaking of Andy Cohen, he looks like he could be Jim Carrey’s slightly saner younger brother.
Observation 4: Everyone is yakking that Jill and Kelly should be ousted next season. First on my list? Alex. She is annoying and brings little to the table. Except a “channeling of the devil” and a speedo-wearing husband.
Observation 5: There is no limit to the amount of times Jill Zarin will say “I’m sorry.” Is there a Guinness Book of World records on this? She might have it.
Observation 6: The only thing “scary” about St. John (or St. Johns as they liked to call it) is that Kelly’s crazy feet touched its pristine sands. I’ve vacation and honeymooned there, and I can attest that the craziest thing about the place is that Ramona’s boat docked there.
Observation 7: When Andy Cohen rebutted that Bravo didn’t “make” Kelly go on the St. John trip, she replied, “Thank you for that.” Does she not understand English?
Observation 8: Kelly doesn’t in fact understand English. When Cohen (kindly) recapped what she said during incoherent dribble, she reprimanded him: “That’s NOT what I said!” (I suppose right now she would accuse me of “systematic bullying.” So be it.)
Observation 9: Are three parts really necessary? Was I excited about this? Yes. Is it necessary? No.
Observation 10: Partaking in this show cannot be good for any of these women’s children. Look for a tell-all book from Ramona’s daughter Avery in a few years entitled “Pinot Grigio and the Real Housewives: Why I’m in Therapy.”
Observation 11: Men, for your own good, please tell Sonja you are busy if she invites you over on a Thursday night.
Observation 12: Speaking of Sonja’s Thursday night festivities, she is worried Kelly “isn’t getting enough sex.” Enough sex? Kelly may never get sex again after all this! What man wouldn’t be terrified??? (Maybe one who loves jelly beans as much as Kelly?)
Until Part 3! Then will it really be over or will they spring a surprise announcement of Part 4 on us?