Our 2012 Predictions for Teresa Giudice, Beyonce, Jessica Simpson and More! (Photos)

In 2012, will Mariah Carey decide that her son should have been the one named Monroe?

Anyone can make an easy celebrity New Year’s prediction. The gender of a baby? Wedding bells for a long-dating couple? Big deal. It takes real imagination to come up with a creative prediction.

So, with tongue planted so firmly in cheek it will require a crowbar to dislodge it, I present some 2012 predictions for some of our favorite celebrities, from a Real Housewife to a singing sensation who may or may not have just had a baby yesterday.

And if any of them happen to come true — well, remember that you heard it here first. And I’m available for interviews and parties.

Happy New Year!

  • Jessica Simpson 1 of 14
    Jessica Simpson
    Not to be outdone by sis Ashlee, Jess will name her new baby Staten Island (regardless of gender).
  • Jennifer Aniston 2 of 14
    Jennifer Aniston
    Fed up with the endless speculation about marriage and babies, Jen will drop beau Justin Theroux and join a cloistered order of nuns who sell homemade quince-rutabaga jam for charity. "Hey, it's not like I'm ever going to make a good movie again," she'll explain.
  • Beyonce 3 of 14
    Forget the rumors about her giving birth recently to a girl named Tiana-May Carter. In 2012, Beyonce will announce that she actually had her baby 3 years ago! Her tot's first single will be THE hot download next year. And that baby bump? She'll sport it all through July, just to keep people guessing.
  • Demi Moore 4 of 14
    Demi Moore
    Finally heeding fans' pleas, the new divorcee will change her Twitter name from "@MrsKutcher" to "@MrsPrinceHarry."
  • Suri Cruise 5 of 14
    Suri Cruise
    The world's favorite celebutot will star in the new reality show "Elementary School Mom," about the ups and downs of caring for her favorite dolls. In the pilot, Suri is distraught when she realizes that Barbie's hair doesn't grow back after you cut it.
  • Kourtney Kardashian 6 of 14
    Kourtney Kardashian
    Though she'll be busy with her new baby in 2012, Kourt will still find time to join her sisters in writing a new book, "Kardashian Konfidential 2: Electric Boogaloo." The pages will be blank except for the title page, which will say, "Made you look! And no, you can't get your money back!"
  • Shiloh Jolie-Pitt 7 of 14
    Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
    After parents Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have her name legally changed to the more tomboyish "Agamemnon," the 5-year-old will develop a sudden interest in floral Hanna Andersson dresses and high heels. The sigh of disappointment from tabloids will be heard as far away as Antarctica.
  • Barack Obama 8 of 14
    Barack Obama
    The President will turn around the economy in 2012 after daughter Sasha shows him a critical mathematical error on the federal budget. "I never could get the hang of middle-school math," the First Dad will admit.
  • Alec Baldwin 9 of 14
    Alec Baldwin
    The volatile star will take over Regis's stool on the morning circuit, then be unceremoniously fired after slapping Kelly Ripa when she refuses to lend him a purple cow for his Farmville patch.
  • Teresa Giudice 10 of 14
    Teresa Giudice
    2012 will find this Real Housewife petitioning the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary to add "fabulicious" to its next edition.
  • Britney Spears 11 of 14
    Britney Spears
    Striving to outdo Kim Kardashian, Brit will marry fiance Jason Trawick in a lavish ceremony, then file for divorce right after cutting the wedding cake.
  • Prince William and Kate Middleton 12 of 14
    Prince William and Kate Middleton
    The royal couple showed how sympathetic they are to the commoners by giving up their expensive holiday ski trip. In 2012, they'll REALLY show how noble they are as William gives up the throne to become a manager of a Staples store.
  • Meryl Streep 13 of 14
    Meryl Streep
    The celebrated actress will finally run out of famous women to play and start looking through the phone book for new movie projects. First up: "Amanda Abernathy."
  • Debra Messing 14 of 14
    Debra Messing
    Faced with the sticky dilemma of dating costar Will Chase while still living with estranged husband, Daniel Zelman (shown here), Debra will wed Will and bring him into her home, too, arguing, "Why should the guy on 'Sister Wives' have all the fun?"

[Photos via Pacific Coast News]

Read more of Shana’s writing at Momsperiments.

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Article Posted 4 years Ago
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