I’ve had it with American Idol. And The Millionaire Matchmaker. And all of the “Real” Housewives. And Top Chef, which grew considerably less interesting once they brought in the Masters. Yes, Doctor, I have a case of Reality TV Fatigue. Symptoms: glazed-over eyes, ringing ears. Cause: the genre has drifted too far from actually reality. Cure? I propose the following five new reality shows, or as I call them, Shows I’d Actually Watch:
1. The Biggest Post-Partum Loser:
To qualify for the show, all contestants must have given birth in the past three months. Who can shed the baby weight the fastest? Separate categories for moms of multiples and sweet-tooth moms.
2. The Millionaire Playdate Matchmaker:
It’s easy to set up rich men with young, striving women – that’s why I’ve stopped watching Patti Stanger’s weekly show. But imagine trying to set up rich mothers and their screaming spawn for playdates. I defy you to find four mother-daughter/son combos who can stand each other for an hour in a room filled with toys, sippy cups, and talking Elmo toys. I’d watch every single week.
3. The Amazing Race, Baby Carrier Edition:
It’s one thing to travel the world with a partner. It’s another to travel the world with a 4-month-old strapped to your chest. Each team will have to complete tasks (eating slugs, herding sheep, stilt-walking) and circle the globe while carrying an infant in their carrier of choice (Ergo, Bjorn, Moby Wrap, Duct Tape).
4. Top Puree Chef:
Quickfire challenges, elimination challenges, restaurant wars, cooking breakfast-in-bed for Padma. Expect all of the usual Top Chef staples, but every dish the contestants create must be soft enough for an infant to eat. Yes, I’m proposing gourmet baby food, concocted by culinary geniuses. Talk about a challenge. (And yup, that’s Top Chef judge Tom Colicchio in the photo, with son Luka, now 8 months).
5. The Real Housewives of New York.
I mean it: the REAL housewives of New York. Because I live in New York, and I see actual housewives every day. And Bethenny Frankel, I love you, I do. But you ain’t no housewife. Let’s round up women who don’t work, who spend all day at home, who wrangle their kids themselves and have to fix the vacuum cleaner with their own bare hands every time it breaks. Put hidden cameras in their kitchens and bathrooms, and let the horror show begin.
What’s your take on reality TV? Are you happy the way it is, or do you agree that a dose of the real world would would make things more interesting?