People, I was going to do the top 10 observations of the Real Housewives of New Jersey Reunion Part 2 like I did for Part 1, but unfortunately there AREN’T 10 good observations to make. It was really just more of the same, but here are my five thoughts:
1. I’ve finally figured out how Bravo decides who to cast. At the casting call, they give out IQ tests and the five women who score the lowest get the part. No screen test, no interview. IQ test and BOOM. If someone out there lives in New Jersey and knows a gal dumber than these women, alert Bravo as I suspect they’ll be looking to fill Danielle’s spot soon. Related, does anyone have any knowledge about the intelligence level of Melissa Gorga, Teresa’s sister-in-law who will allegedly be on next season? If she tests somewhere in the bottom 5 percentile of intelligence, I think we can believe the rumors.
2. What’s with Caroline Manzo’s constant lip pursing and nose ruffling? Her facial expression is that of a person who lives near a sewer. Perhaps it’s just eau de Danielle Staub that causes this look? And speaking of Caroline, she really really really needs to contact Francis Ford Coppola about doing a female-focused Godfather series. If she doesn’t get the lead role, I’m not sure who would. And is one Real Housewife required to wear a one-shoulder number each reunion show and like Countess Luann, Caroline drew the short straw?
3. Kim G. Kim G. Where does one start? Well, let’s start here: Shame on Bravo. This woman is obviously an attention-starved nitwit and Bravo brings her out for a deranged dog and pony show. I did like when she barked at Teresa, who seems overly consumed by how old the poor woman is. Bravo, please let this Kim G. woman live her life off camera where she belongs.
4. Do you love as much as I do when Andy Cohen talks to these grown women like they are in the first grade? “Just calm down for a minute, seriously,” he says to which Teresa replies in a child-like voice as if this is normal: “I’m not gonna hit her.” Okay, children, come back in from recess and write “I’ve been naughty” 50 times on the blackboard. Has any man in the history of the world ever been so happy to be gay as Andy Cohen given the women he has to spend time with? Really, if he wasn’t already, this experience might have turned him.
5. Did the make-up scene render anyone as uncomfortable as it made me? As much as hurling f-bombs and calling each other coke whores is hard to watch, Danielle tearfully hugging and apologizing seemed like a horror show gone wrong. Like if Jason of the Friday the 13th movies all of sudden made amends and showed up in a tux for the senior prom and everyone hugged him and voted him Prom King. Well, everyone except Caroline Manzo. Look for Teresa to tweet something insulting about Danielle and start the whole thing over again.
I think this show eats a tiny bit of one’s soul with each viewing. For the sake of my karma, I may have to sit out next season. I said “may.” Don’t hold me to it. What did you think?