If you were offended by Katy Perry’s “Sesame Street” cleavage, or Katy Perry’s “Saturday Night Live” appearance spoofing her “Sesame” cleavage, then you probably should NOT have turned on the TV for today’s premiere. There was so much more to be offended by:
1. New theme song I know it was redone last year, but the jazzy beat, repetitive “can you tell me how to get” and new harmonies remain still off-putting.
2. Lack of female Muppets There’s Zoe, Abby Cadabby … and possibly Snuffleupagus, who may be transgender, based on the ’70s-era books I read my son. No affirmative action on “Sesame Street?”
3. Bert and Ernie. I don’t think I need to elaborate on the rumors.
4. Cloning! Elmo turned into 7 Elmos during a lesson about the number 7. So many ethical implications …
5. I was offended that Hugh Jackman was wearing a shirt. Shouldn’t he have been shirtless?
6. Bongo drums on Elmo’s World were so clearly linked to Matthew McConaughey, and we all know what he does when he’s playing the bongo drums.
7. Limboing Elmo’s leopard-print shirt was offensive to my inner fashionista.
8. Cookie Monster continues to eat cookies. I am on a diet. This offends me.
And yes, I am kidding about all of this …