Tina Fey's Prayer for a Daughter - Updated for Those of Us Blessed with Sons!Emma Brady
Tina Fey has hit a home run with her Prayer for a Daughter from her new book Bossypants! While a lot of her words can apply to both boys and girls, any mother of a son really can’t relate. Whereas moms of girls may worry about tattoos in their teens, mothers of boys get to worry about trying to keep them alive until their teens as we deal with the daily spy missions, superhero sneak attacks, and general boy mayhem.
So here’s our version of Tina Fey’s Prayer for a Daughter written for those of us who have been blessed with boys (of course you can check out Tina’s girly version right here)….
First, Lord: May he hide his tattoos. When his drunk college friends convince him that a tattoo is really cool, let him have the intelligence to put it in a place that his clothes will cover for a job interview.
May he not be a total goofball. Please let him remember to keep his pants covering his underwear and to keep the holes in his knees at a minimum. Mohawks grow back.
Stick with beer. Anything else will make him act stupid.
Guide him, protect him. When riding his skateboard, making his first tackle, when his heart gets broken, when his friends try to get him to act stupid, when he gets lost driving on country roads, at his first Monster Truck race, when he hits his first ball, sinks his first basket, or scores his first touchdown, when he falls down on the court or on his bike, when he just needs his mom.
Let him down gently when it comes time to discover that not everyone can be a professional athlete. If he is talented enough to become a pro athlete, make sure he finishes college first and has a fallback position.
May he pick a quiet instrument to play — not the drums or trombone — or at least help me find a quiet place away from all the racket.
Grant me him a reprieve from the rough and tumble boy years. Let him slow down just a bit from twelve to seventeen. Let him draw trucks and be interested in superheros for a bit too long. For childhood is short and he’ll be chasing the girls soon enough.
O Lord, break the Internet forever. And the cell phones. Or at least wait until he learns how to spell before he learns how to misspell everything texting-style.
When he decides to turns on me and calls me a bitch one day. Please let him remember that this is the b*itch who he peed, barfed, and even pooped on when he was little. Someday he will remember that he is a mama’s boy at heart.
And should he choose to be a Father one day. Please let him be blessed with daughters and that he find raising the opposite gender as amazing as I have. For there is nothing as amazing as a son’s love.