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Top 5 Reasons to Be Happy Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Won't Reproduce

Coincidence perhaps, but I swear I heard a collective sigh resonate throughout the universe when the news of a split between Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt hit the street.  Looks like Montag, who has admitted publicly she wanted to bear Spencer’s children, won’t be procreating with her captor husband after all!!  And there are so many reasons to be thrilled there will be no Speidi Jr., but let’s pinpoint just five for brevity’s sake.

5) Heidi might want the infant to undergo plastic surgery if the tot’s looks are not to her exact liking.  And her plastic surgeon is so nuts, he just might oblige.

4) Spencer might convince Heidi to call the police on the baby if he thinks the baby is unduly influencing his wife. There will be only one person ruling Heidi’s brain — and that’s Spencer!

3) Heidi’s bosom is big enough already, thank you very much. I don’t think the world — or her chest cavity — can handle a pregnancy-induced expansion.

2) After having a baby, Heidi will no doubt undergo more plastic surgery which will garner her some more magazine cover shots. I find the grocery store annoying enough without Heidi Montag staring back at me in the check-out line.

1) Because they might actually name their offspring Speidi (or maybe Hencer or Monpratt). And, let’s face it, any offspring of these two would have enough problems without a bizarre name.

Any other reasons to be happy about this? Do share.

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