Ever since the revelation that Kelly Bensimon is returning for the next season of the Real Housewives of New York City, and Bethenny Frankel won’t, I’ve been trying to figure out what can save the show. With the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show looming with no way to top the outrageous antics next season, it finally came to me. Bravo executives, you can save the whole franchise — and save a lot of production costs! — by combining both shows into the Real Housewives of New York City and Far Outlying New Jersey Suburbs. Admittedly, we may have to work on the title but here are the top ten reasons why this is (if I do say so myself) a brilliant idea:
10. I don’t see Teresa Giudice or Danielle Staub putting up with Kelly Bensimon. And by “not putting up with her” I mean Kelly might have no knee caps by the end of the first episode. It’s a good thing for Kelly I didn’t raise this innovative premise before “Scary Island” — if the NJ gals were there Kelly would have been found mysteriously weighed down by anchors underneath the Hooters yacht.
9. When Teresa Giudice’s tacky McMansion inevitably goes into foreclosure, the Giudices can move in with Jill and Bobby Zarin for 24/7 taping under one roof. Ally just left for college — the Zarin’s have plenty of space and probably deep down miss the pitter-patter of little feet.
8. The sexual tension between Teresa and Bobby, when they live together and she realizes he actually has real money and it’s not just a facade like her husband’s fortune, will make for good television. And how do we think Jill might react when she figures out Teresa is trying to steal “her Bobby?” Extension-pulling will look tame in comparison.
7. Having co-stars that live even farther from Manhattan than she does will make Brooklyn resident Alex McCord feel better about herself.
6. It will be easier to for the Department of Family Services to round up all of the Real Housewives children for a mass child rescue mission.
5. Ramona Singer needs a new place to swig pinot grigio — I think The Brownstone fits the bill.
4. If anyone needs to hear a live rendition of “Money Can’t Buy You Class,” it’s the New Jersey cast. I’m sure Luann would oblige as a welcome gesture to her new castmates.
3. Perhaps the NY ladies can introduce Danielle to their plastic surgeons for the revision work she so desperately needs.
2. When Teresa compares her fake jewelry collection to Jill’s real one by snooping through the jewelry box when Jill is lunching somewhere pricey — and realizes there really is a difference when it’s authentic — she may flip an entire house rather than just a table.
1. Joe Giudice and Sonja Morgan can compare DUI booking stories.
Bravo executives, you know where to reach me. And don’t try to steal this idea without proper credit. I’m fairly litigious.