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Yeah, This Sucks: Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer Gives Birth To Her Baby Boy, Will Return To Work In Two Weeks

Marissa Mayer

One of the most influential women in the world just put another hat on: Marissa Mayer is now a mom. The CEO yahoo gave birth to a baby boy, who at the moment is still unnamed (so let’s just call him Baby Yahoo). This is the first child for Marissa, and her husband, Zachary Bogue.

The 37-year-old’s financier hubby shared the good news in a Tweet: “Baby boy Bogue born last night. Mom (@marissamayer) and baby are doing great we couldn’t be more excited!”

Now that we’ve got the great news out of the way, let’s get to the part that sucks.

From what we’re hearing, despite the fact that she just gave birth, Marissa will be working remotely now and plans on putting her heels back on and heading back to the office in two weeks post-partum. Yes, TWO WEEKS. Now, while I understand that she has some pretty big shoes to fill as being the head of a company like Yahoo, having less than two weeks to spend with your baby as a new mother just plain sucks. Sorry, but no salary or quest for equality is more important than being with your newborn child when they need their mother the most. I mean, is it time for us to pack our bags and move to Scandinavia to get some respect here? Who the heck wrote up the benefits package at Yahoo? (Human Resources, this side eye is for you.)

And for those of you that might be suggesting that it was part of the package that Marissa signed up for when she took on the job, I’m sorry, but no. While I understand that there’s a lot on Marissa’s shoulders with the job, does this mean that only men and childless women can take up such high-ranking positions? Because it seems like if you are 37 years of age, fertile, and willing to deal with some poop 2-3 times a day, someone in the company wants to make life difficult for you. That, or the company is currently managed by so many incompetent males that Marissa has no choice but to come back two weeks post-partum to help save the ship before it sinks. Yeah, that must be it.

And while everyone’s experience is different, I’ll be honest by saying that it took me a few good weeks, if not months to get my brain functioning back to normal after I gave birth to my children. The rocketing hormones, the sleepless nights, the breastfeeding, etc. While I gave birth the old fashioned way, I know of plenty of my mom friends who had c-sections who weren’t able to walk for a good few weeks after giving birth to her babies (OMG – thought just occurred. I hope Marissa didn’t have a c-section! And if she did, I’m hoping her recovery is going to be smooth sailing). For those Googlers, Yahoo-ers, and Silicon Valley-ers who might need a quick crash course, just search “pregnancy” on your iPhone 5s and you’ll see that it’s not what some people make it out to be. We’re cooking future Apple engineers (male and female) in our wombs for nine months, and not cookies in the oven for nine minutes. It doesn’t take 60 seconds for us to cool down.

Truth be told, the year is 2012 and it still sucks to be a woman, folks. The question though, is why?

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