Bad Parent: Weight Watcher
Am I passing my eating disorder on to my daughter?
by Jeanne Sager
July 10, 2008
Bad Parent: Weight Watcher
by Jeanne Sager
July 10, 2008
The British have just introduced a TV show dubbed Too Fat to Toddle, essentially a fat-camp approach for overweight toddlers. It sounded off the wall. Then I read the comments on the blog of London's Daily Mail: "It is a disgrace to have let your kids get in that state in the first place!" reads one post. "I wish parents would open their eyes and quit the 'It's just puppy fat' attitude," says another.
But because of my disorder, I don't trust what I see when I open my eyes. When I looked at myself as a teenager I thought I was obese when I was a size eight. Is my child too fat or too thin? I have no idea. The pediatrician says she's growing just fine, but I hold my breath through every well visit until he says those words.
A report published in April 1999 by the International Journal of Eating Disorders notes that mothers who have anorexia, bulimia, or binge-eating disorders handle food issues and weight concerns differently than mothers who have never had eating disorders. But even "normal" moms, moms who groan in the mirror or keep a scale handy for the morning post-shower ritual, run a risk of passing bad habits onto their kids.
A study in published in 2003 in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition warns that parents who restrict their children from eating certain foods are in essence pushing their kids to eat when they're not hungry. "The more severe the restriction, the stronger the desire to eat prohibited foods."
When a mother is dissatisfied with her body, daughters will learn to base their self-worth on their appearance, says Christine Gerbstadt, spokeswoman for the American Dietetic Association. In fact, a study published by the Association showed that girls as young as five are likely to try dieting simply because Mom has.
Yes, five-year-old girls are dieting. And not just ones at British fat camp —
Because of my disorder, I don't trust what I see when I open my eyes.
girls who have seen the South Beach book on the shelf or the Jenny Craig commercials.
The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) lists as its top causes for various disorders feelings of inadequacy or lack of control. "People with eating disorders often use food and the control of food in an attempt to compensate for feelings and emotions that may otherwise seem overwhelming," reads one NEDA FAQ.
One day in March, when I was overwhelmed by the loss of my grandmother, Jillian caught me throwing up. I never meant her to see me like that. She burst into the bathroom without knocking and found me on the floor in front of "the potty." She ran to wrap her arms around my neck. Her voice was full of concern as she repeated the words she's heard so many times from me: "It's okay. I'm sorry you don't feel good," and she patted my back with her little hands. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole. I didn't deserve her.
A week later, I heard her leaning over the toilet bowl coughing, and I could tell the cough was fake. I could hear her giggling while she told my husband, "I'm sick, Daddy. Have to throw up, Daddy."
I sank against the door in the next room. What have I done?
According to NEDA, "Eating disorders often run in families.
Current research indicates that there are significant genetic contributions to eating disorders." There's a chance Jillian will one day have an eating disorder.
But I'm fighting.
There's a higher risk for girls who have "cold" mothers, so I smother her with kisses. There's a higher incidence in girls with fathers who are emotionally or physically absent, so she has lots of daddy-daughter time.
I know in my head I shouldn't throw up for me, for the health of my teeth, my heart and the lining of my esophagus. But I know in my heart I can't throw up — for her.
Photo: Klee McMullen
©2008 Jeanne Sager and Babble
About the Author
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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