Bad Parent: Coochie, Coochie, Blecch
Parent-baby PDA grosses me out.
by Holly Vitale
January 10, 2008
When she visited me at about the six-week mark, Sandra begged me to hold Kelly so she could go outside for a quick cigarette. Kelly had a cold and Sandra had to continuously squirt saline up her nose. This made the baby wail and then her face break out in blotches. The baby also spat-up a lot. I hadn't had a baby myself yet, but I really felt for both of them.
"I gotta tell you," Sandra said when she returned, reaking of smoke, "it's not all fancy prams and moonbeams."
But now, here she is, evangelically describing the cake she's designing for Kelly's first birthday . . . which is still five months away.
". . . and it's a Russian theme, you know, so I found an authentic pattern for the frosting on this Ukrainian folklore site . . ."
"Cool," I say, at appropriate intervals. But what I'm thinking is: my GOD, where do you get this insane maternal VERVE? Where are your jaundiced eyes and crumpled clothes and unbrushed teeth? Why aren't you still flailing and desperate like me?
". . . the dress Mom's making will match, of course. I just have to find some velvet What I'm thinking is: my GOD, where do you get this insane maternal VERVE?
bric-a-brac in a colour that compliments her peachy skin. . ."
When Sandra finally exhausts this topic, an awkward silence emerges. Our eyes just seem to naturally land on Fin, quietly babbling away on his lambskin.
"How's Fin's sleep going?" Sandra asks.
"Not so good," I concede, but quickly add: "He's eating really well though. He eats everything I put in front of him."
"Oh really, that's great," she says, nodding.
©2008 Holly Vitale and Nerve Media
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
|
Holly Vitale used to live in Portland, Oregon, but now lives in Tasmania, Australia, with her husband and nine-month-old son. Holly has had nine months worth of writer's block for anything not related to babies. |
|
|
-
by Marjorie Ingall
Believe it or not, formula isn't poison.
-
by Madeline Holler
I love you, but I hate your kid.
-
by Katie Allison Granju
A leading attachment parenting writer says, enough already.
|
