Things we like about England
1. Hobnobs (good oatmeal cookies).
2. Boots brand chapstick. It's way less waxy than ours.
3. Clotted cream and scones (our nanny can't get enough)
4. Real BBC news television. The news seems a bit more realistic and less sensationalized than let's say, um, FOX.
5. Television actors aren't as overpaid as Hollywood ones.
6. Bollywood.
7. Indian food. You can find it everywhere, even at rest stops, even at McDonalds. Except, of course, when you are really hungry.
8. The way the one pound coin (quid) feels. It seems like you are holding a piece of gold from the olden days. It rules over the quarter, nickel, dime, penny and especially the paper dollar . . . and not just because it's worth more.
9. The old ladies. Older English ladies are sweet and offer you tea. They're not as snotty as the younger generation of English women. Plus, they're such bad dressers that it's cute. All those crazy hats and horrible floral dresses.
10. Fireworks day. They don't have July 4th over here, of course, but that didn't stop the Brits from finding some reason to have a national day for pretty bombs bursting in air. No one can convincingly explain the reason behind the holiday.
11. English commercials. They have made us cry and laugh.
12. It's not that far from New York.
13. Borat is actually English when he's not in Borat get-up.
14. The lottery TV show. We are addicted. They give you the first part of a word and if you can guess the second part, you can call in and win 20,000 pounds. It's so stupid but so good. (The first one was: head____). I tried to call in to guess "headless" (the clue was Halloween), but they make it kind of hard to get through.
Things we hate about England
1. Snotty people.
2. Baby-talk sayings ("mushy peas," "cheeky monkey," "nappies," "nobbly")
3. Skinny roads not meant for anythings bigger than a mini.
4. Lack of street signs.
5. Rules, and the undying need to make everyone follow them. It makes me love not being proper. Live free or die!
6. The weather. Why would you live here if you know how great the sun feels on your face?
7. The food. How come these limeys aren't all fat? All we can find to eat is biscuits and chips.
8. NME, the weekly music mag. It sucks. But we like trying to find people we know in the pictures.
9. The feeling of entitlement. Everyone feels compelled to tell you what they think.
10. Where are the king size beds for families to sleep in?
11. Hotels are too expensive. (Hence, the RV.)
12. Why does every American who comes here start adopting the Brisitsh accent? It's catchy. I hear my friends starting to end their questions in an ascending fashion and feel concerned.
13. Assigned seating in movie theaters. So you still have a first-come, first-serve situation, only people take time picking their seats with the ticket window guy. It makes no sense. And if you want 'posh" seats, you have to pay extra. The posh seats are just a little bit cushier and a little farther away from the screen.
14. Catherine Tate, some British comedian. The only reason I say this is because people keep telling me I look like her and I've gotten the feeling she's not very attractive.
©2007 Mates of State and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Kori Gardner is the organ-playing half of the band Mates of State; her husband, Jason Hammel, plays drums. Known for their vocal harmonies and euphoric melodies, Mates of State has been described by critics as "unabashed joy", "honesty at its best", a "two piece with balls", and "a band that you must see live." Their daughter, Magnolia, was born in 2004 and started touring with the band at 10 weeks. Hear their latest album, Bring it Back, at www.matesofstate.com. |
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