Jabberwocky: Elvis, Justice, Ace
Misadventures in baby-naming.
by Mark Peters
November 1, 2007
— The top ten most common names for twins are all alliterative: Jacob and Joshua, Matthew and Michael, Madison and Morgan, etc. I guess Beavis and Butthead have been more influential than Heckle and Jeckle.
— My vote for worst male name would go to Messiah (#798). However, I am happy to know that even if America faces a dearth of scientists and mathematicians, we will have plenty of messiahs, who I've heard can be helpful. Of course, "Jesus" has been doing quite well as a name for the past hundred years, only dropping out of the top 1,000 once since 1880 and staying in the top 100 since 1990. That's a lot of Jesuses — or "Jesi," as Stephen Colbert puts it.
— My runner-ups for worst male name are "Ace" (which sounds like an insult to me: "Nice job peeing the bed, Ace") and "Maxim" (an homage to the mega-boobed magazine?).
I have only one suggestion for the Social Security braintrust: please, can we wager? I was too terrified My vote for worst male name would go to Messiah (#798).to click the link for "Future Financial Status of Social Security," but even concussed ferrets are aware that trouble's a-comin'. So get with the fundraising, oh government of ours: let us bet on next year's name rankings. Given the mountains of data to analyze, the fun of betting on your own name (and those of your family), plus the success of non-sporty sports like poker and spelling bees, I don't think this name game can miss.
In fact, I'd wager that this milestone in demographic gaming would even interest ESPN — the network, not the kid.
©2007 Nerve Media
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