Parental Advisory 2
I cheated on my pregnant wife. Should I tell her?
by Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris
December 20, 2006
I am one of two new moms at my small company, and since I have a private office, I've been letting my coworker (let's call her Nancy) pump there. As we are both breastfeeding, you can imagine the level of bonding that's occurred between us. But I'm worried now that it's affecting our work relationship. I'm Nancy's boss. But because we are sisters-in-breasts, as it were, in sort of the same situation, I'm beginning to sense that Nancy thinks she can get away with a certain amount of slacking off. I'm not even sure she's aware of it, but it's starting to get on my nerves. How do I tell her I'm not going to cover for her without seeming like a tool of the patriarchy? —Booby Boss
Dear Booby Boss,
When someone doesn't do her job, you end up having to work harder as a result. Nancy needs to pull her weight. And as her superior, it's your job to make sure she does. The difference between corporate tool and sensitive mom-boss is in how you talk about it, and what you're open to in terms of a fix. Tell her what you're observing, and ask her what's going on. Be sympathetic, but tell her you need her to do her job. Maybe she'll hear you right away and just get cracking. But there may be specific reasons she's not being as productive. Does she need to change her schedule? Is working at home ever a possibility? There are lots of ways to honor your new-mom empathy without lowering your expectations. But you'll have to ask yourself: Is this something you're willing or able to go to bat for in your work situation?
It might not feel that appealing when you're doing a fine job of juggling home and work responsibilities yourself. But keep in mind that at some point you may find yourself needing a little flexibility yourself. You may discover that next year you're a complete disaster — your kid is sick every two weeks at a new daycare; you're suddenly prescribed bedrest for a new pregnancy; you come down with very late onset baby blues — and lo! Nancy's finally got a grip. And she's annoyed with you. And on time for meetings you're late for. You may be grateful then for giving her a little leeway now.
Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com
©2006 Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris and Nerve Media
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