Parental Advisory 3
Is it wrong to spend $75 for baby booties?
by Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris
December 27, 2006
I am feeling a little guilty about how much I spend on my kid's clothes. I bought him a pair of $75 winter boots the other day (but he needs them!) I don't want to end up like one of those moms on Oprah who is in major debt due to her BabyGap addiction . . . but I just love it when my son looks cute. Is that so wrong?
— Oooo, Do These Come In Green?
Dear Oooo, Do These Come In Green?,
The first question is whether your bank account can handle the depletion. But debt aside, there are other things to consider. There is a particular syndrome that afflicts new parents, in which they seem to transfer all their own aesthetic interests onto their offspring. Have you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror as you sit at your laptop and "click to buy" everything you can find in a size 2T? If it seems you're going to seed as you cultivate your junior fashion plate, you may want to redistribute the (lack of) wealth a little. It's great to get pleasure from making your kids look snazzy. Heck, maybe your kid's even reaping some rewards as folks ooh and ahh at him when he shows up in his finery. But just as likely, he'd be equally happy in ducky printed fuzzy sweatpants from K-mart. It's you who'd be hanging your head in shame when you ran into your former co-workers in the playground. Wanting your child to look good is one thing, but needing him to look good is another. Think of it this way: not too long from now, your kid will start telling you in no uncertain terms what he's willing to wear. There's a good chance that at some point, his taste will cease to mesh seamlessly with your own. Eventually, you'll have to live with the reality of your child's fashion not gratifying your own aesthetic needs. You can make the leap now, or you can make it later.
My three best friends are childless and will likely remain that way. They are supportive and have sent extravagant presents for my baby, but it seems I am constantly letting them down. I can't go out. I can't travel. I can't even participate in endless hilarious group emails with links to YouTube. They're all basically writing me off. One of them recently said, "You seem to be having a really hard time dealing with this motherhood thing. I mean, it's been two years!" I'm devastated. Am I really dropping the ball, or is this what parents do?
— Written Off
Dear Written Off,
Who wants to be told they can't handle being a mother? That sucks. But from the sounds of it, they haven't actually seen you enough to know whether you're having a hard time or not. What they were trying to say (in their own clearly resentful way) was more likely, "You seem to be having a really hard time with this friendship thing." Or even "this YouTube thing." They're probably just hurt that you didn't comment on that hilarious video clip of the Norwegian break-dancing championships, something they felt sure would have your cappuccino coming out your nostrils. At least that's how the you they knew would have reacted. Now they're not sure who you are anymore.
What do you owe your friends? Well, expectations vary a lot. Some may be satisfied with the occasional shaved-cat video download and one-word email response. Others may demand you fly to Burning Man for the annual acid drop and call you a deserter if you don't. If you're no longer in a situation where you can do what you used to do to keep your friendship going — and you want to stay friends — a couple things need to happen. You need to respect that they do not know what it's like to have children. They need to respect that your life has changed (or that it is changing, anyway). You both need to respect each other's lifestyles, even if you can't relate to them quite so well anymore. If you can make that stuff happen, you'll have a much easier time actually enjoying each other's company (or emails). And who knows, maybe in a few years you'll make it back to Burning Man.
My babysitter has CNN on all day. My baby is only five months old, but does he really have to be exposed to bombed-out cities and other harsh imagery? — Live From My Living Room
Dear Live From My Living Room,,
At least she's not watching FOX. Realistically speaking, a five month old probably doesn't really get much of what's onscreen. But whether or not you take the AAP's whole no-TV-before-two thing to heart, you are well within your rights to have control over what your baby watches while you're not around. Tell your sitter no Wolf Blitzer or Headline News. Give her a list of approved shows if you want. Or tell her she can only watch TV when the baby naps. She might balk at this: some sitters seem to think that constant TV access is one of the perks of the job. But sooner or later, your baby will start to pay attention to the talking heads — and the gory explosions behind them. Between Tivo and the twenty-four-hour news cycle, your sitter can find another way to keep up with current events.
Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com
©2006 Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris and Nerve Media
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