Parental Advisory: The Childcare Dilemma
What's better: a dedicated nanny or daycare?
by Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris
November 14, 2007
My baby is six months old. I'm starting to work at home and can't figure out
what to do about childcare. We started out thinking we'd get a nanny. That
way, I could breastfeed and part of the point of working at home was to be around
the kid. But we haven't found a nanny we really like. Maybe I'm being
too fussy. And now we have an option in the neighborhood that seems tempting:
it's one nanny, in her house, shared by three families (three kids). It's
cheap and the other families love her. But do I really want to send my baby out
of the house? How do I make this decision? — In or Out?
Dear In or Out,
Reflecting on the current cultural fascination with Jane Austen, it occurred
to us that her theories on finding lasting love could be applied to finding decent
childcare: the right answer is always a question of sense and sensibility.
The sensibility part means that this is mostly a job for your gut. Call it instinct,
first impression, "blink reaction," whatever you want, but the way you feel about
the caregiving situation will help you make the decision. But common sense says
you have to weigh the pros and cons of each situation with a little dispassion.
And since between the two of us, we've had experience working at home with
in-house and out-of-house care, we know a lot about the mathematics, as well
as the chemistry of each choice.
Here's the basic breakdown:
OUT-OF-HOUSE CARE
The Pros:
•
The baby is gone. We don't mean to sound harsh here. But to paraphrase
a later era doyenne of English Literature, a room of one's own is a huge
step in the direction of parental sanity.
•
Socialization and separation. As your child gets older, she will become more
interested in the other kids. Starting with other kids and another place really
early can reduce separation anxiety later on. And it can be genuinely enriching
for the baby to develop some other bonds.
•
Less cash outlay (enough said).
The Cons:
•
Sickness. Sickness. Sickness. More kids means more germs. And when your kid's
sick, it's not nice to send him to daycare to get the other kids sick. Depending
on the caregiver, this may not even be allowed. The bonus is that you get a lot
of the sicknesses over with and nursery school germs are less of an issue later
on. The bad news is potentially missed work time and the prospect of seemingly
endless antibiotics.
•
Naps. Daycare providers have different solutions for dealing with the issue of
multiple kids' napping needs. But there can be some juggling going on,
which can mean naps are dropped or postponed.
IN-HOUSE CARE
The Pros:
•
Easy contact if you want it. For many breastfeeding mothers this pro is even
more specific: no pumping. Instead of having a break with a machine, you can
have a break with your baby instead. Whether you're nursing or not, working in
the same space with your baby gives you a lot of opportunity for closeness while
still letting you get your job done. Some think of this as "the best of
both worlds."
•
Separation without separating. As the baby gets older, it can be very helpful
for her to learn to feel okay about you being around and working. There can be
a healthy separation within the home, in other words. (This is what British psychiatrist
DW Winnecott was getting at about the "good enough mother.")
•
Dedicated help. A nanny working just for you will probably be more flexible than
one committed to other families' needs. Your child has the benefit of one-on-one
attention and, depending on the person, you may benefit from some light housework.
It can be convenient to have someone at home to accept the grocery delivery or
meet the plumber.
The cons:
•
Boundaries. Even with earplugs in, just the knowledge of your teetering, rooting
baby on the other side of the closed door can be hard to shut out. Some parents
are better at this shutting-out than others. It can also be hard on the babysitter
and/or kid to have you around. If the kid knows you're nearby, will she
go down for a nap? The answer is usually yes, after time, but it can be frustrating
for a baby/little kid to have mom physically present but not available.
•
Isolation. As your child gets older, you may want the nanny to reach out to others
for some social activities. There's a lot made of this, and we don't
want to get all over-scheduley, but beyond toddlerdom, kids can benefit from
some socializing. This could be classes, school, or regular visits to the park.
•
Expense. Can. Add. Up.
So, each scenario comes with both good stuff and bad. The most important thing
is that you feel good about the situation, whichever option you decide to go
with. And though too much variation in care can be a bit discombobulating, it's
not bad to stay flexible as you work out your work situation and as your child
grows. Just keep your eyes open to see what's working for everyone. And while
we're looking, is it us, or does Anne Hathaway look absolutely nothing like Jane
Austen?
Have a question? Email parentaladvisory@babble.com
Click to buy Ceridwen and Rebecca's book! |
©2007 Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris and Nerve Media
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