Psychic Nanny: September Baby Horoscopes!
Virgo: See a hand reaching behind your ear? Step back.
by Brooke Morton
September 4, 2007
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 21)
You're old enough now that you really need to stop letting older people
use you as a prop for their jokes. You see that hand reaching behind your ear — you
step back. A quarter doesn't go as far as it used to. Think: when was the
last time you saw something for twenty-five cents? Besides, doesn't your caregiver
always have enough coins to make gum a reality whenever you want it? So let
them find another patsy. It's a short-term loss for a long-term gain.
Libra (Sept. 22-Oct. 22)
Tall people like to tell you how long it took to build stuff or worse, the year
that they accomplished something. Too bad information like that is lost on you
because you have almost no sense of time. How could you? Even a day seems like
a lifetime to someone like you who was born a handful of yesterdays ago. Until
you actually understand the value of what they're trying to say, just squish
your face up and be quiet. They'll read into the silence that you're
impressed. Once they're satisfied with your response, you can bring it
back to the present — like who can build the highest block tower today or,
more importantly, when's snack time?
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You're never too young to learn that you can be bought. I know, I know,
you think you're strong in your convictions but when they bust out the
fudge ripple ice cream at the precise moment they "ask" you to dress
up nice for the event, don't say you weren't warned. Hey — it's
not a bad thing. Part of realizing you're human is learning that you're
weak. The good news is that the weak get served yummy bribes like cookies, candy
and, yes, ice cream.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
This month, your caregivers are apt to pack their social calendars fuller than
the diaper bag. You might think that this could mean less attention heaped on
you, but this is hardly the case. Instead, consider that they like to talk
you up and as they do so, nothing makes a better accompanying visual aid than,
well,
you. Their guests are bound to want to spend time getting to know the little
overachiever. Plus, the good snacks will be set out to keep you on your best
behavior, which is what they tell their friends is your only kind of behavior.
It's a win-win.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
The squeaky wheel gets the oil. But what if it's not oil that it wants?
The wheel had better decide what it wants before it increases the noise pollution
level. In other words, know what you want, darling. If not, they're going
to learn to tune you out (sounds harsh but it happens every day).You may want
it all, but you'll only get one thing at a time.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Don't think you're doing them any favors by feigning interest in Finding Nemo On Ice. They're only going because they think you're
into the whole ice thing. Think about it: when was the last time you hung
out with a babysitter so mommy and daddy could see anything on ice? It'll
be best for all if you suggest gently that you might prefer that they trade those
in for Pygmalion tickets.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
Three signs you're not invited: ice sculptures, champagne fountains and
trays of food with names you can't pronounce. The good news is that they'll
enjoy themselves so much and they'll think of you the whole time, which
means they'll bring you back something worth missing the party for. You
won't get anything, though, if you're not the angel they pictured
while guiltily eating caviar. If they come home to a Lil' Cranky Pants,
they'll shelve the surprise.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
If some of your bedtime stories seem preachier than others, it's because
they are. Anything by Graeme Base is merely a visual feast, but if the Aesop
Brothers attached their name to the project, you'd better believe a lesson
is between the lines. You can sit idly by and enjoy the foxy pictures or let
the words sink in: vanity is becoming on nobody. Don't worry: learning
before bedtime won't upset your dreams.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
The grungy shag — made famous long before you were born by names you've
never heard of — is experiencing a youthful resurgence on the mops of model
kids Aurelius Macpherson, and Presley and Kaia Crawford — and Ryder Hudson,
whose mom may as well be a model. So keep feigning fear of the
barber and rock the lanky-lock look. Added bonus: you look the rebel part as
your hair grows and with it, your devil-may-care attitude.
Gemini (May 21-Jun. 21)
People who like to cross-stitch what they consider wise sayings on pillows say
that "bath time is successful when the kid gets wetter than you do." But,
really, the beauty of bath time is that there are no winners or
losers. Just people splashing around in the name of cleanliness. So relax and
see how big the bubbles can get. This is the one place where people can't
judge you. So ask for more Mr. Bubbles and soak up the lack of judgment.
Cancer (June 21-July 21)
This month, you'll be all about playing with your food: olives on the fingers,
licorice up the nostrils and whipping up your own impromptu sauces from what's
on your teddy bear-patterned plate. Those around you won't be too concerned — just
as long as enough of the entertainment gets swallowed. Your "Colonel Mustard
phase" might inspire you to douse everything from carrots to ice cream
in French's best. But once the laughter from your peers subsides, so will
your interest in kooky food. That is, unless your fate is the foodie fast-track,
in which case, experimenting will only give way to refining what it is you whip
up, dear Cancer.
Leo (July 22-Aug. 22)
Things are starting to settle down for you. Your house is back in some recognizable
rhythms and the chaos of summer is starting to fade. Be happy for the stability — it's
linked to less time on the couch when you're older. That said, rigid schedules
bring about rigid mindsets. Want to hop off the track? Suggest that you skip
French lessons in favor of cooking crepes and watching Madeleine. If every Friday
is pizza night, it's okay to let them know you want sushi. Keeping them
on their toes is okay. It even builds balance (and stronger calves).
photo courtesy Julie Blackmon
©2007 Brooke Morton and Nerve Media
About the Author
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Brooke Morton is the associate editor of Sport Diver magazine and lives in Winter Park, FL. She has also written for the New York Press as well as Travel + Leisure. |
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