The 20 Worst Toy Makeovers
From Monopoly to My Little Pony - is nothing sacred?
by Jeanne Sager
August 19, 2008
6. Strawberry Shortcake
So her hat was too big for her head, and she was awfully frumpy. She was sweet enough to eat, and that's the way we like our Strawberry Shortcake. The new version of this '80s staple has been told to hold the whipped cream — she's going on a diet — and stay out of the sun, it ruins the complexion. A recent makeover has taken Strawberry's freckles and curls in favor of a peaches and cream complexion and sleek locks that are a tad on the pink side for a fruit best served when it's a ripe red. What's next? A more feminine name for Huckleberry Pie? Or should we just make Orange Blossom less ethnic?
7. Don't Break the Ice, Ker-Plunk, Cootie, Don't Spill the Beans
We want to thank Milton Bradley for bringing back the games we begged our parents to play with us night after blessed Friday night. Unfortunately we won't be buying any more games, because the dog ate the tiny little pieces that fell off the flimsy construction, and we spent all our money on surgery to remove them from his intestines.
8. Polly Pocket
Once upon a time, there was a little blonde girl who lived in a compact house. And wouldn't you know it, with a name like Polly Pocket she actually fit in your . . . wait for it . . . pocket! She was one inch of hard plastic, and she was toted in our Osh Kosh B'Goshes everywhere we went. Now that we've gotten too big for our britches, Polly has too. Mattel's takeover of the brand meant Polly hit puberty. She went through a growth spurt — she's now closer to three inches tall — and her body made the freaky change from hard plastic to some sort of pliable rubber. She's also moved out of her limited pocket-sized condo and into hipper digs. But we have to wonder — has this small-town girl grown up too big, too fast?
9. Holly Hobbie
She's been a toy since the '70s, and they've already made her a grandmother. Yes, you read that right. At the ripe old age of forty-one, the original Holly Hobbie has been put out to pasture in favor of a younger, lither version. Her granddaughter — or great-great-granddaughter, according to some product descriptions — has torn off the bonnet and deep-sixed the pinafore for a goofy baseball cap and a pair of jeans with patches. If she's already a tween, does that make her great-great-granny a bit trampy?
10. My Little Pony
Whooooooaaaaa, Nelly! You won't want to brush the manes of the grown-up "Struts" version of your old "My Little Pony." Taller, leaner and dressed in barely-there clothes, these are the bitchy big sisters of the sweet little ponies we lusted after in the Toys 'R Us Look Book. Playmates Toys is calling them "fashion with a kick." Well, they would, if they could raise those spindly legs high enough.
©2008 Babble
About the Author
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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